a couple sad things

Well a couple sad things happened this week in the land of LL....

I have been working on some winter cleaning the last month and have successfully made 2 runs to the Goodwill. Historically, this has been a difficult process for me and there is a good chance in the future I will be one of those people on Hoarders (but with really cool stuff instead of stacks of those styrofoam trays meat comes in). Every time I would move across the country I'd have to purge, and Helga would make me make piles in the living room of things and then she would secretly take it to the Goodwill when I wasn't looking! Ahh this still brings a tear....

BUT I digress....anyways this week I was working on my shoe corner and ended up throwing away 22 flippy flops. They are cheap, shit sandals that the Goodwill probably won't even want. I figured that I only wear flip flops 2 out of 5 days a week in the winter, so now was a good time to purge. Sad. But the good news is: new sandal shopping this spring!!! Let's get more flippy flops that piss Momma B off (when I wear them to church or graduation). Business cas?

Also, I was going through my winter closet and purged a number of mittens and hats I haven't wore in 2 years. As I pulled out my favorite winter hat, the cream one with the one big ball on the top (which I got for $2 6 years ago), I realized it had died. Yep the stitching came out and the ball was hanging by a thread. Sad. It is now in the trash. Shame.

Finally, I think I'm going to have to trim/kill one of my house plants that has turned into a gigantic out-of-control tree (which I inherited from my friend Amy). The last time I had some visitors, they were like "we can't even sit on your couch, that thing is out of control." It is so big that the base cannot hold it anymore, and it is propped up by my couch and a 8 foot tall stake. I may need to kill this thing and then pull a martha facher to bring it back. From my quick interwebs search, the plant is a "Dieffenbachia" and looks like this but 6 feet taller and out of control. Thoughts?

bottoms up, 20 beers a minute

This is the best christmas gift ever....

christmas question

Which is cheaper???

A house of christmas lights??? OR

A house of inflatable decorations???

If you're not sure, check this picture....

some st. kittian pics

OK OK I got some requests to post a couple St. Kitts pictures. We are getting to t minue 5 days left before we depart, so I started shopping today!!! Woot woot. Tomorrow I'm going to be zip lining through the volcanic rainforest like a monkey on a string. Super excited about that business. In the meantime, here are some pictorial highlights:



There all these different kinds of palm trees everywhere. This one I call the "peacock" tree and trust me we have a photo from the side too so it look like it is growing out of your bootie :)



The person's condo we are renting is a MSU bigwig, so there are Spartan things throughout the house. Case and point, the perfect Carib coosies :) We are playing cards here and living the dream.



We visited Nevis, St. Kitt's sister island, for a day trip this weekend and found this amazing tree. I made the taxi pull over so I could climb it. I wanted to take it home with me and plant one on my patio!



Here is the fam "dressed up" pic from when we celebrated the rental's 42 year of not killing each other. Now that is something to be proud of! Drinks for everyone.



During some of our tours we have gone to the "black beaches" coined for the black sand. Here is a pic from the block rock area. Soooo pretty. Reminds me of Ireland.

And finally my favorite picture of all time.....we were eating at this seaside restaurant and I immediately went for the hammock. I love me some hammocks, and the waitress said I probably couldn't get in it without falling but I quickly proved her wrong. Doesn't this just shout the Caribbean??? Palm trees, hammocks, beach, clear water, islands in the background. Heaven. Paradise.

Well it is too f-ing got today. It's in the 90's and I'm in doors sucking down water. No breeze either so makes for not as fun LL time :) Oh well. What can you do?

a little st. kitts update

Wellllll a big HELLO to all you 1) still working and 2) in cold(er) weather!!! Life is pretty damn good here on the island. We are bordering between 70-80's each day with a pretty wicked wind (thank god). Pictures and stories have been posted on facebook, so go stalk someone in my immediate family to see. Here are some highlights:

• I've swam/peed in the ocean everyday. I maintain that the Caribbean side (vs. the altantic-tity side) has no salt in the water, although there is no evidence to support such a claim!
• The ocean waves are high and strong to a point where I (LL of 6 feet and some muscle) got swept under the waves the other day. I took a face of floor sand and got some shells in my suit. This makes Momma B very very nervous where I'm not allowed to go to the beach by myself anymore!
• Momma B has a serious addiction to the computer/internet, to go along with the weather channel, which causes her to read things outloud to anyone within distance. Seriously she needs treatment.
• We are listening to Christmas music, and I have heard some Caribbean holiday tunes where they go "ho, ho, ho" with some steal dums. I liked it.
• We are taking taxis all over the island (population 38000) instead of renting a car, which means we have made friends with many of the local folks. All the taxis have saying on their cars, like "Jesus Take De Wheel." I'm going to start writing down the other good ones...
• We celebrated my parent's 42nd wedding anniersary the other night by going out to a nice restaurant. It overlooked St. Kitt's sister island, Nevis, and the water, and had the most decilious food....
• Our condo is slightly on the small side, where I've been rotating between sleeping on one of the patios (until I was eaten alive by bugs and now look like I have a disease), on the floor, and now the couch. Needless to say you can hear everything everywhere in the place as there are no doors, but three stories (everyone lean outward on the spiral staircase).
• We've been good drinkers, enjoying Carib (returned two 24 cases today!) and other island favorites like LL's homemade Pina Cola's. I think the earliest I started drinking was 9:30 AM. I still have 7 days more to get a better start time!
• There are palm trees everywhere and I've been planning a secret mission to get a coconut--they fall all the time! I'm going to judo chop one open (note: I know this is difficult, but a trip to a island wouldn't be complete without me almost chopping off a finger).
• Yesterday I went on a scenic train ride around the island with poppa b. I thought it was great, mostly because we saw wild goats!!! They were everywhere and I tried to put one in my purse hoping customs won't notice.
• I better understand the concept of "island time" because it is soooo f-ing hot that you have to walk with a slow swagger in order not to die due to the big ball of death in the sky.
• I found a whole CONCH in the ocean! This is a big sea shell, but what I thought was cool was that it was still in form and not damaged at all. But let me tell you, that thing stunk like something rotten 10x over, and it freaked me out because I was afraid something might bite me!
• My goal in card playing is still working well during our Euchre tournaments: "I never try to win but to just slow down the other team."
• The island is sooo damn expensive. No kidding, even with the exchange rate it costs an arm and a leg. I think I spent $12 on a box of Nature Valley granola bars yesterday because I was going to pass out....not surprisingly, Rum is super cheap!

Well this next week I will do the zip line through the rain forrest mountains, and get on a ferry to Nevis. We will see what else happens!

island time

Well it is officially vacation time.....I'm done working for 2 weeks (minus the little I have to do this afternoon).....I'm packed, up, and ready to get on trains, planes and automobiles!!! So hopefully we will be offline and resting and relaxing and staying sane. Soo St. Kitts here we come....

realization of the day

Well is it only 7:30 AM and I've already had a realization today.....apparently yesterday I wore my undies inside out all day. And this wasn't even on purpose!!! Or due to no clean laundry!!! Or because I was trying to make them last longer.

Hmmmm, maybe today I'll wear the blue leopard skin fundies just to continue to shake it up....granny fundies tomorrow!!! Granny panties that don't cost $9000...

the epic beach trip review

(reminder: JB empty your bladder before reading!)
(note: click images for larger view)

Last fall in Texasssss, we started planning the next girls week/end fall trip away and 365+ days later we got some stories.....

As I mentioned previously, the fall vacation week began with a little Marine marathon in DC. Shortly after we got JB iced down and feed, we strapped her and her 75 pound suitcase to the plastic pinto for our drive south to the OBX of NC. This road trip was reminiscent of those drunken college trips through MN in that amazing burnt grass colored plastic beast--still running on fumes! For 7 days, we rented a beach house and had an amazing 4-some of fun and relaxation:



So the drive was pretty eventful and started the week off in typical LL fashion. We stopped for gas outside of Richmond and to buy chocolate milk (what are we 12?). I was pre-occupied with JB not being able to walk that I forgot to take out the gas hose from my car, and we pulled away.....can you guess it?....we heard a pop, a thud? a crunch? OK, we heard a noise which made me stop and apparently give Helga a face of honest surprise (which she claims she has never genuinely seen on my face) as I glanced in my side mirror. That's right, I drove away with the hose in my car, ripping it out of the pump/station. What happened next resulted in these one-liners and amazing after photo:

• To the attendant: "We mayyyy have had a mishap on pump 7"
• An LL reflection: "There is a procedure here, and I missed a very important step"
  

Once we got to the beach house we basked in the glory of 4 stories, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms (including the tree house toilet on the 4 1/2 floor), and 4 patios (which were later coined for certain activities that occurred frequently on them). The houses in OBX are all huge and amazing. Our landlord's name was Han and we had to call him a number of times throughout the week (one of which was NOT because of the humping on the pool table). Long story short, we started calling him "Hanzy-boy" and him and I may or may not have had an affair (or at least a good reach around). As I mentioned before, our normal routine consisted of sleeping in, drinking coffee, watching SITC or Top Model, and leaving the house by 2 PM for an activity.

Typical vacation activities included daily trips to the beach, which was often difficult considering we would freeze our balls off. Despite the cold, the wet, the cloudy, we had some beach fun.....and beach fun is not beach fun without: yoga, sand art (which mayyyy be dirty), and humping:



Helga had her large heart set on going shelling on every damn beach in NC, so we took some road trips. We got crabs at Dicks, got honked at by construction workers, rode in a helicopter (the black hawk down moves were great until JB almost puked), and we saw some lighthouses. On these daily adventures, we also answered the age old question: Can white girls jump? Two-parter....can a group of white girls jump? Turns out, Helga is the only one who can really get some air:



One important theme that kept cropping up was those damn AT&T commercials--more bars in more places. Case and point, the middle picture of us jumping and many of the 4-some pictures above. Or maybe it is just because I'm a giant? Guess that is a valid hypothesis as well.

Speaking of lighthouses, we had to do some of the classic LL phallic statue/monument photos. Over the years, I've held it up with my butt, with fingers, and with both a bootie and hands. Now we were able to apply the same principles to a lighthouse:



So after our outings, we typically relaxed around the kick ass beach house. We had a hot tub and a heated pool, which we were in every single day despite the tundra-ish temperatures. At our house we also did some cooking and alot of drinking. Of these attempts were those damn pumpkin/butterscotch cookies. We ate the entire batch in 2 hours, and shared them romantically:



Don't laugh or it will shoot powdered sugar! Don't breath or you'll inhale powdered sugar! Well this picture accurately reminds me of the Lady and the Tramp famous scene. Can you guess which one is the tramp??? Just kidding :)

Of course a girls week away would not be complete without some dance parties and bar stories. Don't worry, we had DJ Bruce to spin our favorite jams, including when I toot it, smoot it, poot it, and then boot it. I'm not posting any more photos from the dance parties because T is sweating balls, JB is with boys in a dark corner, Helga is breaking beer bottles, and some black dude is on the girls.

I was so thankful and grateful to have all my best friends on vacation. These are the people I love, that get me, and that have been there throughout all the good and bad times. It was amazing to have all my loved ones in one single place. TY. Here are the final highlights:

• We made friends with all the locals at all the bars. Luckily we picked the right bars and were able to witness a real bar brawl. Here's what went down: 1) I buy Helga a beer, 2) Some big black dude start pounding on another dude, 3) Helga's bottle goes flying and shatters, 4) Some short dude tries to rescue her and place himself in front, 5) Lights on, party over, where's Jilly Bean?
• During two nights out and two different bars, JB would clear the space, run towards the bouncer, and then jump into his arms straddling him. He, luckily for the rest of us, was smart enough to make sure she cleared the ceiling and door frame before allowing the jumps.
• We had 3 gigantic bowls of fruit on the counter make me insanely happy.
  
• Learning my ABCs in the heated pool because JB dropped the phone book in the water. I kept pulling out letters and addresses...."I got the P's!!!"
• We also learned about our vowels (oooo, aaaa, eeee) while making JB listen to this amazing hipster music. Reminded Helga and I of when I rent boxy cars and ask "did he just say lasso?"
  
• Burrs were everywhere! I think the pickers are still in my feet.
  
• There was so much classic rock and 80's music in my life that week that I am truly set for the rest of the year. We saw a live cover band, but I can't dance to 80's rock unless it is this song. JB, on the other hand, runs around the dance floor with moves I would venture to guess are not considered dancing either.
• Dollar Store runs to replace damaged goods in the beach house....when plastic bowls melt on the stovetop and when beach balls attack wine glasses by the pool!
  
• I also ate enough sweets to last me a year. I've never had so many cookies, and ice cream, and short cake, and key lime pie, and more cookies in my life.
• Do we need another salt-water-taffy run?
  
• We were amazing beach bums layered with 4 sweatshirts, which we coined hobo chic.
• JB got her one floor in the beach house to herself for her "male visitors/boyfriends" and because she has some major post-race gas. Agreed, that place needed an elevator!
  
• JB and I swam in the 40 degree ocean and reenacted some Baywatch scenes with our lifeguard wakeboards.
• We witnessed amazing sunrises and sets.
• OBX ghetto pedis suck my balls....or the sand ruins pedis.
• Beach ball and noodle creative contests in the heated pool....human whirlpool?
• JB has a flashlight that straps around her head, which she would use to find the hot tub in the dark while in a bikini--I'll admit, that thing came in handy more than once!
  

What else am I missing? That was the best $200 for a week beach house I've ever spent!

Till next year bitches!!!!

run, my friends, run!!

Well I'm overdue with chronicling my vacation about a month ago. It all started with a marathon race on Halloween in DC. As in the District of Columbia, you ask?? Why yes, the entire town shuts down, 21000 people run, and thousands come to watch the craziness. I mentioned previously that my friends are the best, and they had decided to run their balls off in order to raise money for the Lupus Foundation of America. They ran 26 miles and raised over $2000. AMAZING!!! (PS, you can still donate).

There were lots of stories that started around 7 AM, but let's skip ahead to 3ish when we all reunited:



We got TWO FINISHERS!!! Woot, woot. JB and B got metals whilst Helga and I were still in our last minute Halloween costumes. Typical, I'm the tall devil with horns! While Helga gets to be a little pussy :)

At this point of the marathon-day-of-fun, we were just so happy to find JB. We saw them both at mile 1, JB at 10, and both at 16 where we were a little worried. JB finished like a trouper (despite the bum knee), then collapsed in the arms of a hot marine who was "concerned about the slurring of words"--yep I saw the medical report word for word!!! If Brian or I were there we would have thrown her over our shoulder and said "she's fine, don't worry about"--the line we've been saying for 10 years whenever she looks drunk in a bar! They med-tented her up and then sent her through the crowd of 20,000 people. When we finally found her, we embraced, we cried, we gave her more oranges to smear across her face and the first words she says "THAT WAS TOO LONG!!!" We slowly carried her back to the plastic pinto (hoping she didn't crap her shorts due to excess laughter), but half way across the bridge we heard the finish line music and.....



....Cripple dance party!!! 1 Luppie and an injured runner. There was lots of pelvic thrusting and air humping right there in the middle of DC. We were bumping to the song that eventually became the jam of the week. And speaking of pelvic thrusts, we all had a good time stretching it out with the Big B whilst waiting for JB:



Betty's favorite photo was Helga and I thrusting each other while Brian did a squat. Two thrusts and a squat....can't complain! Sooo here are some of the highlights for you all:

• During mile 1, some dude ran by and yelled "here cat girl" and through a Marine OooRah flag at Helga. From here on out I carried that flag yelling "WHO-HA" instead of Oorah, until I was afraid that someone might shoot me for basically yelling "VAGINA" as part of my enthusiasm.
• I balanced my f/phat ass on a cement barrier holding up a "Run, Brian, Run! You can do it!" sign for over an hour, and neither Brian nor JB saw me. They both ran by seeing the people on the damn ground!
  
• At some point I was commenting about how my arms had been in the air for at least 45 minutes holding up signs.....Betty turns and is like "really, really? you are complaining that are arms hurt while your friends run 26 miles???" Well in the words of Crazy Grandma, gravity is a bitch!
• Sign of the day "My wife beats me (at running)"
• Due to the random shootings in DC that week, there was some major security and firepower at the race. Helga and I saw a SWAT guy with 3 guns strapped to his legs and a 4 foot sniper riffle guarding a port-a-potty. Also, there were low flying helicopters with men hanging out of them with guns. Scary!
• That carb goo helps with energy during the race, but it makes you dangerously gassy! Light a match, seriously fierce.
• Lasagna and ice baths make for good pre- and post-race activities even if profanities are involved.
• If you are ever going to run a marathon (btw, you're crazy) the place to do it in this race....there are soooo many people, monuments, bands, and excitement throughout the course that you are never bored as a runner (until you make the bridge your bitch).
  

THANK YOU so much for visiting, for running, for raising money for Lupus, and for everyone who supported their efforts. It was a beautiful, fun and amazingly inspiring day!!! Thank you for being a part of it! xoxoxo

PS, and one last photo to make your day....this person was dressed in a sumo blow up suit and had no idea I was being all sneaky behind her:

stupid train song

Well Coke has come out with a series of their holiday advertisements and commercials, and I want to punch myself in the throat. Since I don't ever turn on my TV anymore, I hear that damn Train song every time I'm in the plastic pinto. Shake it up, shake up the happiness, shake it up!!!! Shake, hump, shakkkkke it.....hump, hump, hump. Damn you Train and your catchy jingles:



Painful.

not drinking V8 makes you sexy

Sooo I just read this amazing correlational article where the main finding was "how you tilt your head plays a role in how attractive you are to the opposite sex." Apparently this is all rooted in Evolutionary Psychology where men are tall and women are short, blah blah blah. Of course, I have a number of observations and comments:

• So if this is about height, the tile is front to back and back to front. In other words, like nodding yes. I was really hoping it was left to right, then we could have more Night at the Roxbury moments.
  
• Speaking of the sideways head tilt....dogs are really good at this. I wonder what that means in their evolution of attractiveness because I think these dogs are super duper cute.
  
• Awhile back I mentioned that Willow Smith was going to have some neck problems when she grows up with all that hair whipping, but in light of these new research maybe she is just looking more attractive to the other 9 year old boys. Just don't take out anyone's eye!
  
• I'm not sure what this says about me....I'm taller or the same height as most men....oh god....I'm doomed because it really is all about size. Damnit all.

music of the moment

Ash has loved this song for awhile but I didn't get into it right away because when I sing along I can't keep it's tune, but now it's been playing over and over in my head. Plus I don't like the group name "The Band Perry"...let's work on being more creative with our naming conventions, that is just as original as the Dave Matthew's Band:

it's beginning to look alot like christmas

In the sense that Rudolph just can't catch a break!!! I saw this one coming a mile away. Skip ahead to 1:10 and watch the holiday magic:

musical alcoholics

Well a tip of my hat to Momma B thinking that all my alcoholic friends, with some strategy, could do this at the end of the time:

christmas card winner winner

Well last year my Christmas card winner was my favorite old lady friend from WA, but this year it was.....drum roll....my MN friend with a photo of her daughter who is now in high school (yet I haven't aged a damn day). I got her card on Monday!!! That was before December rolled around. Chicken dinners for you. Amazing!

The secret was that I actually bought, organized and wrote all my xmas cards last weekend, but decided to save them until later in December before sending them. I didn't want people to think I was ttttthat organized or prepared. So they have been sitting under my two foot tall tree, but I'm shipping them off tomorrow. Grid your loins, your f-ing LL holiday cheer is coming....including blow up dolls and flaming bags of poo.

Happy (pre)holidays hookers!

the new american way to shop lift

Grosss, mcgross....apparently there is a new all f/phattie American way to steal merchandise during the holiday shopping season. Check out this video where two ladies used their rolls of FAT (nasty) to hide and steal stuff from a TJ Maxx. Seriously a TJ Maxx??? Wowsa. I mean the shit is already discounted. Hard time folks, desperate times. These two women apparently concealed 3 pairs of boots and $2600 worth of other stuff in her body fat. As Jilly Bean said, how the hell do you hide boots (plural) in your fat rolls??? I just want to hide my fat rolls :)

 

OK size matters, I get it

Soooo I remember one of my therapists from back in the day saying to me, "LL, to most men, size matters." I suppose this statement is true to men more than women--although I shouldn't generalize to my entire gender--OK this statement is true to men more than LL. I try hard not to discriminate with size because I hate being judged myself. My everyday life recently has been filled with reminders that size matters:

• Per LL turkey holiday traditions, I put up my christmas tree last weekend. But this year I decided to take it down a notch since I'll be out of town for over 2 weeks. The last two years (1 and 2) I've got 8 foot tall trees to my ceiling, crammed them in the plastic pinto, and scratched the shit out of my arms. This year I downsized to a 2 foot tall real tree, owing to my new montra that size matters (aka, walk soft and carry a small purse). My tree looks like the one Elizabeth picked out for Sammy Sam/Joshua.
  
• I was looking at photos from the girls beach trip and thinking "Damn my boobs are huge" and not always in a good way (OK all the men are probably thinking this is a size that matters!). Really? Are the girls that big? Yep, I believe the answer is yes.
  
• On Black Friday my goal was to buy a new "big" suitcase since my non-carry-on is 15 years old, a heavy hardcase, and duct taped due to a crack that exposes my fundies. I researched, clipped coupons, elbowed through the crowds and ended up buying two big 360 spinners (one to be returned). Turns out they were so big they didn't fit in the plastic pinto's trunk!!! What the f??? As I said to Momma B, they came up to my waist which I thought was OK until I remembered my hips are 4.5 feet off the ground!! If I fill those things they will be 100 pounds and TSA is going to rape me. OK, note to self, you are big but that doesn't mean you need big things....
• Also I recently had to serve a warning reminder to my family that I am loud and have a large personality. We are preparing to embark on a 2 week trip to a teeny tiny Caribbean island where we have rented a 900 square foot condo. I called dibs months ago on the first 600 feet since I'm the tallest and my personality takes at least 500 square feet!!! I'm going to have to remember to tone it back, less LL, more quiet.
• This montra was also apparent at the B-more wedding....less LL, more southern catholic...I didn't want to scare all those SC-ians by being the loud yankee!
  
• On the personality note, I've realized recently that I am a "good" professional because I'm alot less LL--I'm LL in a box while in the office. But as soon as it's 5 PM I have to break loose. I need dance parties, loud music, lots of laughter, car windows down, and spontaneity. Occasionally at work I break through but I really try hard to keep my larger than life persona under wraps (I learned that the hard way in WA).

Right, walk soft and carry a small purse. Got it.

music of the moment

OK I know this is an older song but it just keeps playing and playing and playing in my head lately. I do like Regina, partly because her name is Regina.

(ignore the shit video and just listen to the piano)

god, I love me some stan t

Wowsa, I really love Stanley Tucci. That man is truly an amazing actor and from what I've read pretty damn funny too. I recently watched the Pelican Brief from the early 90s, and had forgotten that he was the hired sexy bitch of a killer. Back in the day he had alot more hair!

Over the years Stan T has been a red hatted assassin (here), a high-strung annoying assistant (here), a gay and fabulous fashionista (here), a politicko cooking-wife husband (here), and a creepy serial killer (here). Can't wait to see what he does next, and whether or not it will be with Meryl Streep!

Hands off to you stannnnly.

the gayest military photo

The top story on CNN today totally made me giggle, because it had this photo regarding DADT:

Soooo this photo just does something for me. 3 hot military men with good butts, staring off into a foreign country, looking like badasses.....well except for the one on the right who sort of has a hip out, attitude-ish stance! Insert finger snap. I bet those CNN people were like, let's find the gayest yet masculine military photo for DADT article, and BAM, we got this sexy masterpiece.

And it looks like we are making progress on repeling DADT....perhaps this will lead to more sexiness!

my new hair style

Woot woot, I just found a picture of my new hair style, except mine is going to say "BADASS"

quote of the day

JB had a patient yesterday that said:

• "I'd rather be dipped in shit that do this crap."

God that is pretty accurate to most people's everyday lives!

guess I can marry my cousin

***Que the poedunk hillmcbilly bango music***

Whilst having some social intercourse over cocktails, I recently had a conversation whether it is legal to marry your cousin. After a quick internets search we found a well organized website, called CousinCouples, that breaks down individual state laws regarding this borderline inbred behavior. Turns out in the great commonwealth of VA I CAN legally marry cousin!!! Who knew I had more options....Maybe you should check your state because surprisingly it is not all the blue ones! California and FL, shockers there, are a go too.

And just in case you are confused whether or not you are dating your cousin, you can also check out the Kin chart. Am I or am I not related? That is the question. But I would suggest if you aren't sure who you are dating, cousin or not, you should just say no. Take the D.A.R.E route, say no.

moist is a dirty word

Sooo awhile back I had a conversation with a bunch of my girlfriends about the word Moist (I know, I know, I'm just getting around to chronicle our discussion).

I asked a simple question:

• "How's the temperature in the car [aka plastic pinto]?"

And the answer I got:

• "Moist"

What the hell am I suppose to do with that?!?!? Does that mean turn up the heat? the air? put on the defrost? roll down the windows? pull over to find a towelette? That is not a good temperature indicator.

I don't like the word Moist, it feels dirty to me (apparently I'm not the only one who think so). To some people "moist" is right up there with "stimulate" and is slowly being used less and less in the average English speaking language. Just a simple google image search reveals some porn but wayyyy too many references to "moist towelettes." Gross, who wants to use a moist towelette?? Let's just call it something else please.

Moist, not in the LL dictionary....arrrggg and swear words, yep they're there :)

PS, you won't see this on the plastic pinto....

if my family were all men...

....this would have TOTALLY been our sibling photo:

Momma B would have been an island of estrogen in a bacon wrapped sea of testosterone. Is it bad to suggest that I might still have wore those vests as a girl? Or now? Next Christmas's family photo?

I do like a man with a bow tie. I wonder if those meat vests come with a matching sport coat? We can only hope.

slow news day?

The Bieb cutting his hair is not news. Now, if someone cut Bieber, that would be news. Additionally, News, combing your hair to the other side is not a haircut. It looks like the Bieb mayyyy have got a trim and then basically combed it over in the other direction so it looked less lesbian-ish. Still not breaking news folks.

getting you in the holiday spirit

In honor of the lawn lighting this week here are the best houses with christmas lights:

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

it is all about package size

Oohhhhh Matty L you just cracked me up (1:40):

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

gobble, gobble, gobble

Well happy belated turkey day to you all! Per my normal tradition, I call my entire family and do a rapid gobble, gobble, gobble which mayyy get a little high pitched and merge into screaming. It starts as a good turkey greeting but blends into a higher chewy noise :) Sooo for those I did not talk to over the extended weekend, here is your gobble, gobble gobble greeting.

These couple days have been rapid with lots of LL independent time. I know it is odd, and I've heard that from many of you. I needed some time by myself. I needed space to think. I appreciate your texts and emails and calls, but I'm fine. I cooked, I cleaned, I sewed, and I exercised. I did what I wanted to do. Novel? Right?

Not as much work work getting done as I'm having some less productive weeks. At first I was thinking that this would be coined "re-productive" days BUT I really don't want any reproduction happening in my current life :)

signs of the season

• I swear to you, I saw Santa Claus yesterday at the gym. He had on gray sweat pants being held up with red suspenders over his big bowl of jelly. No joke, the jolly fat man was totally working on his fitness. Who else would where red suspenders with gray sweat pants at the gym???
• The plastic pinto got an upgrade yesterday preparing for the winter snow season. Two brand new tires, and after checking out my bill afterwards, the technician I was sweet talking did not charge me for labor :) Yeppers, that saved me a good $100. Good thing the girls were out in full force...that had to help! And that mayyyy have covered the $100 I lost on Friday night from those DMB tickets :)
  
• I turned into martha facher on Saturday and cooked a pumpkin. Yep, you read that right, I cut up, boiled, and blended the shit out of jack (o'latern) from halloween. I made pumpkin bars (with homemade cream cheese frosting) and some spiced pumpkin soup. It all was delicious. Ohhh maybe I can try to make pumpkin ice cream this week.....
  
• While out on Saturday night (which ended up with some dancing into the wee hours--damnit! I was suppose to be relaxing this weekend and not being convinced to shake what Momma B gave me), I had a pumpkin spiced martini. It was a creamy, pumpkiny glass of goodness. I also tried the pomegranate and beet martini which also knocked my socks (or come-hither-boots) off.
• After yoga/the market/alittle shopping on Saturday morning, I sat up on the rooftop patio for the last time this season (texting Nik just to make her jealous). It was completely empty and I was fully clothed, but there was fresh air and there was a completely blue sky. Breath in deep and take a look out over the blue ridge mountains.
  

damn you auto correct

OMFG I'm laughing my balls off at my new favorite site, called Damn You Auto Correct! These are posts for when that "auto correct" feature totally screws you over. This happens to me all the time when a word ends in "t" and is followed by "it" and so I spell "tit" :) Then Brian and I giggle like 12 year olds!

Well these are cases where technology goes bad. Here are some of my favorites:

Well I'm planning on whoring this week...

OK this one is making me actually cry with laughter:

headline of the day

Mohahaha, well this is just making me giggle. I open up CNN to this pic and headline:

• "Getting touchy-feely at the airport"

Where is yo hand??? That pic looks more intrusive then it is meant. TSA is sooo emotional and handsy! I don't think I would want this guy to feel me up either. I don't mind getting handsy with some people at the airport but it is rarely anyone wearing a TSA uniform :)

happenings around LL

Soooo here is a composite LL report for all you avid LLspot readers who have been mcnagging me:

• I have driven over 2000 miles in the last 30 some days living the dream, straight out of suitcases. I've been all over VA, NC, MD, and DC between work, the beach vacation, the wedding, and LFA. I have been working out the plastic pinto, getting her on the open road, stretching out her legs, and I almost (almost) took an extreme right when seeing this sign.
• I have been a slight coffee/caffeine'o holic lately. This AM I had an early morning slice-of-fatty-hyperloaded-energy-juice with the big G, and I swear this was my cup'o coffee. I thought "wowsa, I should come here more often." Only kidding, I'm totally focusing on work lately (insert sass).
  
• Apparently Quidditich (the JK-HP-magician sporting game) might become an NCAA sport. I love me some HP but how is the whole broom flying thing going to work??? This is going to lead to alot of pictures of boys standing around on a field with wooden brooms between their legs. You heard it hear first.
  
• Mr. and Mrs. Bling Bling (formerly A & M or M & A, depending on your allegiance) is to blame for this god damn song being stuck in my head the last week. Totally your fault.
• My life has been ruled by classic / 80s rock lately (seen 2 live 80's rock bands in the last 2 weeks which is more than I have my entire life), and I think I mayyyy have to start playing more Christmas music this weekend. Everyone stay away from me the next two weeks, I'm going into hibernation mode.
• My gay husbands and I had a string of emails recently about this amazing product which could keep all those midwestern men warm. Check out the tagline....now that is some rhythmic telemarketing brilliance.
• Also along the midwestern and slightly inappropriate line, my sammy sam sent me a link about a new modeling craze. Fortunately, I will not be participating in this event anywhere in near future (see how I'm leaving a slight "out" just in case when I'm 40+ and knocked up, it mayyy be a possibility).
  

the asian version of me

OK this is TOTALLY me. I ran across this picture of a lonely Asian tourist who appears to be having the time of her life all by herself. How does one go about doing vacationing and documenting it by yo self??? Well you have to create this contraption, or in the case of LL have really long arms. I need to get me one of these arm extension things so I can take better pictures then this or this or this or this or this. The LL version of photo taking always makes my head look sooooo big (and white because I'm first to hit the flash).

So yep, the arm extension and I think, maybe, she is wearing foe beer goggle glasses!!! Are we twins??? Look at those bright colors and rolled pants....definitely a possibility. My hats off to you, lonely Asian tourist lady. May we meet in the next life :) and then continue rocking out with our picture taking abilities.

more reasons to love the plastic pinto

And the picture of the day proves why the plastic pinto is such an amazing running machine where this could never happen.....

the dream is dead

God damnit, Prince Williams is officially engaged and off the market. I'm pissed.

a b-more wedding

Well I've continued my traveling and living out of a suitcase the last 2 months on the east coast this weekend. I commuted up to B-more for A & M's wedding weekend of epic awesomeness. So much good times and amazing fun. I'm still sitting my hotel trying to muster some energy to pack up the plastic pinto and drive back to Cville. In the mean-time check out some photos:



Definitely a little less "LL" and more southern catholic. Nailed it. Definitely pulled it off.



The 80's coverband totally rocked my world and more than once I was dancing on a chair. That was a little more "LL" for sure :) This is from one of my M's solos to his new amazing bride. Livin' on a prayer, bitches.



Here is the Cville crew on the balcony overlooking the harbor, the city, and the sunset. I think over the wedding day I drank an entire bottle of vodka on that balcony :)

I'm had an amazing weekend and felt so blessed to be apart of all the celebrations. It was overwhelming emotional time for me to be such a part of their extended family, where their parents were out pouring their love and sentiments. A & M are really family to me, and that has been more and more cemented the last 2 years. And I'm very grateful for their presence in my life.

a belted dance party

Well this clip just makes me soooo happy. Having a bad day??? Save this to watch.

This child is belted into his car seat and is still having a rocking dance party. Just dance it out kid. Plus this one damn good song. You have good taste little man. Florence + the Machine totally rock my world too, but I'm typically dancing around my space:



Crap, look at him go all ven when it starts again. Amazing!

team coco is back

Well Conan officially premiered his new TBS show last night and he amazed me with this Jack White rock out (with you cock out) performance:



He is going up again JonStew each late night and it should be interesting to see what happens since they are both going after the same demographic.

picture of the day

Perhaps you need a new font for your title???? More spacing might be a good idea....

some funny MI ads

Here's an accurate, yet funny, spoof of those State of MI promotional ads....."Lions fan, they're f-ing crazy":



Also check out Univ. of MI football, and construction videos.

beach trip pics part 3

Well the last couple days have been a little slow owing to the need for mid-day recovery sessions after some major dance parties. We have shut down a number of bars and then continued the beach house fun till the wee hours of epic-ness (especially for the big LL). We have had a number of "lupus approved" days on this trip which makes me want to run around naked but isn't necessarily enjoyable for the rest of my vacation companions! We have had very little Vit. D-ish days. More posts with stories and highlights to follow, but in the meantime here are some glimpses:



We hit up the OBX dunes the other afternoon which resulted in alot of sand walking. It was like being in a desert right in the middle of a long island. We were all fully clothed, per normal!



Here is our only trip to the "sound" side of the OBX island. I stayed up on the dune but I heard there were some toey's in the sound part. Look at that friendly embracing without any humping--definitely not the norm.



Ahhhh well that is better. Sex on the pool table, whilst wearing 4 layers of sweatshirts in preparation for the last beach trip. I'm not sure if Hanzzzy (our landlord) will like that there was some humping on the pool table. Oh well.



I need this photo for A and M, so that I could yell "GO COCKS!!!" That sweatshirt has come in handy, for sure. Soooo this was pre-strip-down-and-jump-in-the-fing-cold-ocean time. JB and I did a little wake-boarding in the 50 degree water like troopers. It was totally hot and then we ran out (imitating some baywatch moves), drank salt water, got blown away, and walked home to the hot tub! We have been trespassing all over the OBX area, including "borrowing" some wakeboards from an empty house. They said "lifeguard" which definitely helped in our baywatch re-enactment.

Here's to the last day of beach vacations!!! Dance party tonight? Great. Sounds like a plan. Perhaps we can get them to plan our two favorite songs that have been dubbed the beach trip soundtrack:



Oh Taio you sexy bitch. I hope our good friend "DJ Bruce" plays this again for us tonight....BUT how could we forget about that new song poot it, toot it, smoot it, and boot it:

beach trip pics part 2

Well the fun has continued here in the big NC, but I don't have enough energy to blog you all the amazingness that is this trip. But here are a couple highlights from the last days:




It sooo freakin cold here that we have been wrapping ourselves in anything we can fine and have coined our appearance, "hobo chic," case and point the meat craving gloves. At the race I was an asian unibomber.



Soooo pretty sunset, and if we are able to get out of bed and the house before 2 PM we might be able to see a sunrise over the ocean as well!



Sooooo pretty!!!



Yesterday we dressed up and drove 50+ miles down the coast (in the plastic pinto) to go shelling. This was an interesting experience with the rain, the wind, and the redneck fisherman. Sexxxxy!!!

beach trip pics part 1

Well the stories will be endless and the "good" pics are spread out across cameras, but I thought I'd give you an update as we are on hump day:



This pic was from the annual morning coffee which lasts about 4 hours and involves pumpkin coffee, SITC, and vogue reading. Yesterday morning there was some Frank S New York, New York high kicks. Totally brought me back 10 years, if we make a wind tunnel and sing vanessa williams it will be perfect!

Yesterday we took a helicopter ride, for which I said "I think I've had drinks bigger than that helicopter". But we got on, and I requested some black hawk down moves which resulted in JB getting a little sick. That was not good but she held it in until we got back on the ground 30 minutes later. Here are some great pics:






JB ran from the helicopter to put her head between her legs, so it is just me and Helga:



Pre sickness:



T has arrived and sooooo now the real fun begins!!! We are trying to the dunes today, maybe.

living on a prayer bball dance party

Looove this, wish I could it too:

halloween dance party

Well I had have to admit there were times on Sunday during the Marathon that we were dancing just like this Halloween jack-o-latern. HAWT!!!!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

my house next halloween

This is just as good as those Christmas houses:

tommy p was on colbert

Way to represent central VA you sexy bitch!!!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Indecision 2010 - Revenge of the Fallen - Tom Perriello
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

BO's invading my life

Well the big BO has been and will be invading my life all this week. Apparently he is flying down to the big Cville to make an appearance for that sexy Tommy P on Friday night. That means that Cville will be even more of a shitshow than normal with a football weekend. There will be liberals running around in Birkenstocks and then a bunch of other people with good teabags attached to their signs. Staying away from that business, and will try to use some strategry to get myself out of Cville and successfully into the district.

I also just caught up with his appearance on JonStew, in preparation for the big Rallies up in DC this weekend. The BO is one of the calmest people I've even seen. Ven-like, seriously. Here is the 60 second run down of that interview:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
10/27/10 in :60 Seconds
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

JT's still got it

Well Justin had the number one movie in the country for weeks now (still need to see Social Network), and although he brought sexy back circa 2006, he hasn't come out with a new album since. Of course, he has teamed up with Timbaland and others for some classic clubs songs. But the man's still got some talent....check out this live acoustic mash up from last weekend with Ain't No Sunshine:



This was a benefit concert for the Shiner's hospital in Vegas. That is even more hot.

business in the front, party in the back

Nope I'm not talking about the years of fun during the 80s with Mullets....but here is a sign from a church that uses the mullet approach to policing their public areas. Apparently this building gives alot of services to various members of the community: