I don't know what is happening here

 

Let's break it down...

1. Wife in a motorized vehicle
2. Husband riding a horse on wheels
3. Wife with a straw hat
4. Husband with a riding crop / wip

all this = badass!!!

Yeah that is a wicked pic of the day, yo. 

go shorty, what, what

What? What? Let's watch a lizard dancing to Fifty (or half of one dollar):



ANNNddd you're welcome.

I may have wrote this in school

I love smart ass children. Mine are going to be both badass, sassy and pretty fing creative. I swear, I mayyyy have answered one of my test questions like this when I was in elementary school. Well like this or just not answered it while giving you my middle finger. Honestly either choice is equally likely:

Maybe these kids will look back on this and laugh once they're old enough to realize what the hell they were saying. Some kids seem brutally honest, while others just appear to have a tenuous grasp of the English language. Obviously, the latter half are our future politicians.

Good point, well made, little kid. I couldn't agree more.

woah, old lady raps your business

I like old people. I've said this for years. I'm gonna be a great old person--knock your socks off, be pitching asses in the nursing home, and still talking like a deranged pirate.  Or perhaps I be this lady:



We all need to learn about family values, how to keep it in your pants. Where else would you want to learn this business if not on a bad reality show by a hot pink pearl wearing Grandma. She might be my new idol. Tell me my business Granny, I like it.

She just said "piss ant pimp" and I loved it. I'm going to use this from now on! Oh and remember sex isn't free yo, west siiiiiide bitches. 

I wonder what she'll be next round. Someone watch for me!

potato chips save the day

Violence is never the answer but shit happens. Crazy people go nuts all the time. But somehow this always happens on public transportation. I mean check this video with two people drop kicking the shit out of each other:



Unlike your average run-of-the-mill internet subway fight video, this one gets broken up in the most nonchalant way possible: By a dude choosing to stand between the combatants and eat potato chips. If all it takes to break up a fight is to stand there and eat chips, then who knows, someday even I might be a hero!

I vote we rename this video to "Man Breaks Up Subway Fight By Fearlessly Eating Potato Chips". Done and doneski.

best t-shirt ever

True statement:

holy balls deep

Wowsa, check out this Jeopardy player going balls deep, laying all his shit out there, taking on Alex like a true badass. This is the scariest 60 seconds of Jeopardy ever:



Wow, Alex is like "excuse me?" what did you say? Did I hear you wrong? And then boooom the guy is like a millionare. Go big or go home bitches.

hey girl, I don't give a shit

Well I had a hellish, yet fun week. I was to work by 7 AM everyday and drunk by 8 PM most nights. Apparently I've been working and playing pretty hard lately. This week, I spent some quality time with my girls where we constantly quoted 3 things which will make you laugh and stick in your head:

Number 1:

That stupid LMFAO song. All they're songs are stupid but soooo damn catchy (including the rock anthem). Now this one is my ringer that says "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle...I work out". Yesterday we were tailgating at the UVA game and it went off, and everyone was like what the hell is that. Wiggle, wiggle:



I work out. No fo real, I do. Yeah and I'm sexy and I know it.

Number 2:

I've been watching those wild animal shows lately. Not through cable television or with any factual base, but through one of my new favorite gay guys. Yep his name is Randell and he is an internets viral sensation. For example, check out this informational video about Honey Badgers:



So what is in my head, "Honey badgers, they don't give a shit". Nastyass honey badgers. What a badass, they just don't care. (I'm going to keep replying to you using these lovely new Honey Badger inspired saying).

Wow, I really like Randell. If you haven't already, you should totally subscribe to his YouTube channel and see what else he narrates (to classical music). For example, check out the Jesus Lizard.

Number 3:

While hanging out, B kept saying "hey girl" and I was like, that's from another viral video. Turns out we could quote the whole damn thing. Posted this a couple months ago after my gay husband was here for a visit, because it reminded me of his fierceness:



LOVES this. Could watch it, quote it, and love on it all damn day. All this week, Nik and I would laugh to this before going to bed:

• HEY GIRL! Hey girl.
  
• Nice try hoe
• But special, remember I'm special
• Rude...
• I can hear you bitches
• That's how you do it, bitch
• It's like pretty n' pink but the dress looked good

Now let's pull my fun week together into one phrase: "Hey girl, I work out, I don't give a shit"

not based on science

I like the disclaimer to this new moustache cheat sheet:

halloween rock athnem

My current jam = this song**

Not surprising that this song is making the Halloween themed rounds in suburbia:



Nice work residents of some overpriced neighborhood. It's like, why wait till Christmas time to waste energy and exponentially increase the electricity bill. Let's get our creative juices flowing early and start celebrating the fall season with a little pop culture flare.

You have to admit this is pretty badass. Who has the time to design this shit??? I like it.

**Except when I go to the movies and see those fat, stupid chipmunks in horrible outfits dancing with robots. This telemarketing completely misrepresents the a-mazingness of my favorite boxy car. This makes me not want to buy it when the plastic pinto, knock on wood, passes on.

snow white vs. snow white

So you may or may not have heard but they have been filming two new takes on Snow White. The casts are loaded with high powered stars. They've been filming for awhile now so the pictures are starting to be leaked/released. It couldn't be more clear how different these two films are going to be. Let's break it down:

Case and point #1: Costume Snow White

This version has Julia Roberts and classically funny man Nathan Lane (are you ache'n, yes yes yes, for some bacon, yes yes yes) and Lily Collins (from Abduction who's costar was Taylor, who also costars with Snow White part 2--see below for more of hollywood's seven degrees of separation).

Julia plays the evil queen in a wicked awesome red dress. I mean I like this costume but I'm not sure it is evil enough. Warm fuzzy white feathers and beautiful red satin. Just don't show us that big teethy smile, because that would totally ruin the whole "evil" thing we're working on here:



Also, Snow White puts on some costumes that I'm not sooo excited about. She goes to a ball and instead of bringing her 7 blue collar dwarfs, she decides to wear the iconic swan dress Bjork wore to the Oscars back in the day.

Costume Snow White sporting a swan:

Bjork sporting a swan:



From what I can figure, Costume Snow White is going to be over the top with everything. Fashion, and colors and furniture. The next photo shows the evil queen in a wicked full dress and a golden chair. For the record, I totally owned one of these chairs in my last house. Nik made me sell it though during the last move...it did take up the entire living room. You'd think a gigantic chair made of gold would have been something the Goodwill would have embraced. I mean who doesn't want to sit in solid gold:



Case and Point #2: Badass Snow White

The second version of Snow White is a little more badass. It stars KStew, our favorite twitarded actress, who works with that wolf, who dates that other Snow White with the swan on her head (see totally 7 degrees of separation). From what I can figure out she is a sword wielding, armor-wearing badass. They've been filming in England on a beach, playing with horses and frolicking on the beach:



Wow, the badass version clearly has no fancy balls or swans or elaborate dresses. Instead Snow White's clothes are falling off, she's completely water-logged, and apparently has become a horse whisper:



Here horsey, horse! Luckily, Snow White and the Horsemen version has a white horse. Maybe it will have a knight with shiny armor that will ride bareback down the beach. That would be great, especially if he has blonde hair.

The badass Snow White also has a wicked looking queen who's going to stab you with her knife. Look out she is wicked and does not wear white feathers.

OK I'll admit, I'll probably go see both the films, reviews dependent!

we all need somebody to love

I've been going through a Queen phase lately. I mean who doesn't love fat bottom girls? Real men don't like those too skinny girls. Last weekend I was speeding up to DC blaring their greatest hits windows down, hair blowin in the plastic pinto.

Imagine my surprise when I read that Queen has been hosting a contest encouraging fans to cover their songs. There has been some interesting entries, all of which you can view via their youtube channel. Check out my favorite entry, and one of my favorite songs, which begs the question: are we sure this isn't the true lead singer?



Amazing.

I don't run

I don't run. OK I only run when being chased. Correction, I only run when being chased and when I don't want to be caught.

I've been talking alot about running lately with friends and I keep quoting this video. It is worth watching:

Tosh.0
Get More: Tosh.0 Videos,Daniel Tosh,Web Redemption

I like the little things:

• .0 is his number
• The signs say "let's all waste energy together"
• Wrapped up like a baked potato
• Just think about all the traffic you are not clogging

all those music lessons for this

Bet this dude's parents are pissed. They put him through music lessons for 18 years, only for him to go to college and build a PCV device in the basement of his dorm. This could easily be done on a street and at least make some donations:

we need more giants

I heard They Might Be Giants the other day on the radio and it brought me back to the 90s with my siblings. I remember cassette tapes and a soul lost in Istanbul (or a birdhouse). Then today I run across this wicked awesome video of them covering Chumbawamba. Pretty badass if you can get through all the Starsucks telemarketing:


They Might Be Giants covers Chumbawamba

I'm efficient

Over the last year, since I officially enrolled in my power company's "Green" program, I get quarterly updates about where I fall in comparison to my neighbors, my most efficient neighbors, and with something like Al Gore's global warming standards. Every couple months I get my nose rubbed in the fact I am single and entirely too wasteful (I mean, really, I unplug things and recycle and have good light bulbs!). I'm not as bad as some people but not with my most efficient neighbors (bastards).

Well yesterday I received an update, and I'm happy to report that I am now EFFICIENT. I'm more efficient than everyone, on average, and am kicking ass with some steel toed boots. This might have something to due with the fact that I was traveling for about 40 days over the last 3 months, but let's just ignore that sidebar.

Well color me green...did I turn off my lights this AM? :)

the gayest military photo

The top story on CNN today totally made me giggle, because it had this photo regarding DADT:

Soooo this photo just does something for me. 3 hot military men with good butts, staring off into a foreign country, looking like badasses.....well except for the one on the right who sort of has a hip out, attitude-ish stance! Insert finger snap. I bet those CNN people were like, let's find the gayest yet masculine military photo for DADT article, and BAM, we got this sexy masterpiece.

And it looks like we are making progress on repeling DADT....perhaps this will lead to more sexiness!

my new hair style

Woot woot, I just found a picture of my new hair style, except mine is going to say "BADASS"

boxin it out

I'm back on the exercise track, that is until I get shipped to NC next week. But I'm up to four straight days of the gym, which hasn't happened in months. I'm working on getting ready for 3 weeks of beach vacations coming up this fall/winter! Gotta get the most out of those annual days.

The last week I got a number of yoga classes in and tonight I got to go boxing, with the wrapped wrists and all. This is the class I would always take when I'm watching Alias, needing to get out some aggression, or feeling a little badass. Jab, hook, upper cut.....Tonight was great because we cranked up 60 minutes of AC/DC, including my favorite Shoot to Thrill (minus the Iron Man footage) which Jilly Bean would be so proud of:



Jab, hook, upper cut, cross....working on my captain and tenille's, bitches.

historical D-town concert

Ohhh man I wish I was in Detroit last weekend. Last Thursday and Friday nights were the first round of the Home and Home tour with Em and JZ. Here are some of the highlights from my d-town friends:

• There is going to be a DVD of the show released later.
  
• The show was so hot and amazing that they ran over the curfew downtown, where they were fined something ridiculous like $1000 a minute. BUT you gotta love that Em probably put up his middle finger and just kept playing for his hometown.
  
• B.O.B opened the show and came back for the encore. Amazing.
  
• Special guest appearances: Young Jeezey, Drake, D12, Dr. Dre, G-Unit/50 Cent.
  
• Shout outs included Beyonce (who was appeared there but did not come out on stage), all those passed (Young, Biggie, Proof, Aliyah)
  
• JZ shouts out D-town from singing "Empire State" at the top of their lungs, saying "I know where I'm at". That's right JZ, D-towners gave props even if it about NYC, and I know you know that would not happen in your hometown if reversed about the big D.
• Both JZ and Em did all their classics from the last 10-20 years, including some Dre/Snoop songs. Holy balls, amazing.

I would have given my left nut to be at those concerts. I would have considered going into a flare just to be able to jam for 7 hours with the hottest in the business. I know all your songs and would have had my hands in the air. HOT, sorry to have missed it!