hey fattie, go here

Gosh, everyone has been telling me what to do lately...what to eat, when to eat and now I ran across this instruction in the airport:

Let me translate for you:

Attention all heifers, coral yourself to the right and suck it in as you enter the effortless mode of transportation. Anyone who's legs are still the size of their arms can take the damn stairs and get a hot dog at the top. The rest of you fatties merge to the right and continue your obese lifestyle.

Thank god those pictures are gender neutral, this way I feel less bad about my potential in the right side.

talk about direct

Boy. This driver is direct. S/he is not messin' with you on the road. You know what you are getting and they aren't beating around the bush.

I assume your children is not a honor student then:



Unlike some of the creative alternatives to those stupid family stickers of mini-vans, this one will not be making it on the plastic pinto. I mean I have to park that burnt-grass-colored-beast at work and I don't need everyone knowing what ACTUALLY goes through my head on a daily basis.

safety first, you bitches

there will be nothing left of london

Unless you have been living in a hole, you probably know that there has been some crazy business going on in London recently. The rioters and looters have taken over parts of the city, and apparently not for any consistent reason. Protesting without a common message basically becomes breaking and entering and stealing. I mean look at the 70s, they had a common theme "Peace, love, and weed".

I love me some London and it saddens me deeply that the authorities cannot get ahold of the situation. Some of the pictures are truly scary. Please stop and take stock of what you are doing and why.

I grew up in a community which had some major riot issues, mostly fueled by dumbassery and booze. I've been in situations where the police provided escorts for school buses, and fathers stood in the bus doors to protect teenagers. And when I was in college we experienced roits again, where I would tackle my guy friends who thought it was a good idea to go watch. Nope, sorry, watching is participating and will only cause more problems.

You are making a choice. You can take the Martin-Luther-King route and rise above your basic urges. You do not have to governed by emotions. Emotion regulation is not just something important for preschool, but also adults (especially in situations where asshats are running lose in the general population).

I do believe in protests but they have be to organized and purposeful, otherwise you are simply ruining your community in the physical structure (burning building costs money), in taxes (which are going straight to the authorities who are trying to stop you), and in the air of fear (perceptions of safety is key). Riots do nothing for community building. Business suffer too, case and point this London restaurant:



This wry apology left in the window of a British Subway is bad news for anyone who likes to enjoy a meatball sub while watching a double-decker bus burst in a terrifying inferno. It seems would-be patrons of this establishment have a better chance of finding a toasted building here than a toasted foot-long. While I certainly enjoy the display of that famous dark British "humour" whoever wrote this missed a prime opportunity to direct looters toward the nearest Quizno's.

Also on the lighter side, is anyone concerned what global image these riots are leaving on all nations participating in the upcoming Olympics??? Who wants to visit a city that cannot control their citizens, where no one feels safe. Perhaps this should be the new Olympics logo:

Damn thieves!!! Some roided up athlete is going to catch you for stealing the rings...

let's call our friends

This one is for all the up and coming parents out there (I'm talking you, R). If I was a new parent, these are the things I would try to do with all those annoying toys. Here are some things you need to know as a new parent:

• The big side of the diaper goes in the back
• Don't over heat the bottle
• Never toss or lift children over your head (they will also puke on you)
• Sleep whenever you can
  
• And this, dial 3-6-9 for laughter:

Holy balls I enjoyed that. I've been watching it over and over and over, and giggling.

Yep, I'm going to be a great parent....

finally a sign I can follow

Please motorists and pedestrians alike, heed the advice of this traffic sign. I know you may neglect the 25 MPH Speed Limit signs in school zone, or the PED X-ING signs…but this is not one to be ignored. I wonder where this was posted and how I can find a way to steal me a copy:

taking it back to the cold(er) days

Sooo last weekend I felt as if we had a throw back to the good old MN days when some friends and I went snow tubing. These are the types of winter activities we used to do in the frozen tundra, ya know, back when I was mitten in the Winter Carnival parade. This year I hear the St. Paul ice and snow sculptures were a-mazing but still dangerous to put your tongue on.

Apparently right here in the big central V-A there is a "mountain" where snow is made for skiing and some tubing hills/lanes. I was pretty impressed with the degree of safety employed here, considering I'm used to be strapped to tray and pushed sideways down an icy hill praying I don't break my butt or get whiplash. Not in Wintergreen, no sir, it is all about safety first. Although it was starting to get icy fast where I did crash once into the end barrier throwing my legs over my head!

Luckily there are two microbreweries on the way to and from this mountain, and if you know me at all, you know I don't like driving by anything booze related ending in -ery (i.e., wineries, breweries, etc.). We stopped by Backbone Brewery where I had the best BBQ sandwich ever, some good beer, and listened to some live music. I also had a bonding moment with my friend M when I stripped down naked to change my clothes amidst the moonlight in the parking lot. It was soooo romantical.

Would definitely go back to both places, and soon.

Haven't been able to download the pictures yet, but here are a couple good ones:



I was a fan of the non-spinning two-sies, especially since the first round when I couldn't get in my hole fast enough and almost flew out (don't worry I reformed my technique after that).



This is where I normally spend most of my time on the ski slopes....drinking in the clubhouse by a toasty fire! There is less of a fear of falling down an icy hill to my death and then having to ride in the body bag behind the snow mobile. True story.



Again, do I sense a beer theme here? And PS, is it just me or do my boobs look huge??? Seriously the girls look a little out of control or maybe my friends are just short, OR maybe it's a combination of both.

headline of the day

Mohahaha, well this is just making me giggle. I open up CNN to this pic and headline:

• "Getting touchy-feely at the airport"

Where is yo hand??? That pic looks more intrusive then it is meant. TSA is sooo emotional and handsy! I don't think I would want this guy to feel me up either. I don't mind getting handsy with some people at the airport but it is rarely anyone wearing a TSA uniform :)