life in the country

Yeah maybe you shouldn't let your children play outside, this fun game just got more dangerous:

it's been one of those weeks

You know how you have those types of weeks...the ones that make you drink....the ones that exhaust you...the ones that make you want to run into on-coming traffic. Well I had an exhausting one, and I will be the first to admit that it pales in comparison to Helga and McBetty's everylives. Let me explain...

Case and point #1: Learning how to walk again and drive with my left footsies

I have been prone to ankle sprains for over a decade and this last spring was no surprise when a spikey pine cone of death look all 6 feet of me out. I was on the ground before I even knew what had happened. Then during a later spring hike I tweaked it again. Since then apparently I have been walking funny or at least in a way that has irritated my old stress fracture from 2002. Same foot, same bone-like-area. Now I can't put pressure on my front of my foot without pain and there is no way I can push up or stand on my toes.

Is this why I stopped doing yoga? Yeah that could be a subconscious reason. And now I don't get to work out for a month. That makes me happy.

Here's my new accessory for the month of October:



God, isn't that sexy? And those pasty white legs...grrr! I've been workin on some good stories to go along with it. Bar fight? Sword fight injury? Got any other ones I can use???

The exhausting part was I walk uneven now, which means you either don't move or you are pretty sore by the end of the day. Damn muscles you don't typically use. And crawling out of the plastic pinto, all 2 inches from the ground, really blows. Plus I have to wear a tennis shoe instead of my beloved flippy flops.

Case and point #2: Butt plugs for your eyes

This week I had my annual eye doctor appointment, and I really hate people touching my eyes. Due to side effects of my lupie drugs, I have eye complications and they have to absolutely rape me with every test in the book. I only do afternoon appointments so I can go home and start drinking afterwards :) Better yet, why wait till afterwards?

The last two years I had eye plugs put in, which I call my eye butt plugs. This blocks the duct from my eye to nose and thus keep moisture in my eye balls. They completely numb your eyes (like your teeth at the dentist) and then shove butt plugs in your eyes (it's fun). Turns out the plugs are expensive and don't stay in for me, so this week they announced that I should have them soldered shut. HOLY BALLS!!! You want to sew my eye ball ducts? That beyond freaks me out.

Yeah I may need a week to process that business before making a decision, I mean I just got put in a moon boot, OK? How much can one girl take in a week relating to health problems? Well apparently all could be butt plug free though.

Tomorrow's a new week, one which I'll still be adjusting to my new life as a cripple.

I don't run

I don't run. OK I only run when being chased. Correction, I only run when being chased and when I don't want to be caught.

I've been talking alot about running lately with friends and I keep quoting this video. It is worth watching:

Tosh.0
Get More: Tosh.0 Videos,Daniel Tosh,Web Redemption

I like the little things:

• .0 is his number
• The signs say "let's all waste energy together"
• Wrapped up like a baked potato
• Just think about all the traffic you are not clogging

wowsa, way to multi-task

Well here a video of the dad of the year that can single-handedly catch a fly baseball with his bare hands whilst holding his daughter! Damn, what a multi-tasker. I would be even more impressed if he could do it whilst also drinking a beer, or eating a hot dog, or cracking open some peanuts. I bet this dude get TONS of shit done around the house, taking out the garbage while mowing the lawn while BBQing. Fist bumps all around:



Check out the mother behind him who is absolutely stunned!

tranquil AM

Well this AM was a very tranquil, peaceful time. If you missed it, which I'm assuming many of you did, the sun rise was soooo pretty. It fanned upward from a bright red to pink to purple to blue, and it went from very crimson to coloring the entire sky. To boot, I also had one of my favorite piano pieces on (second to Clair de Lune).

Sort of made me want to do some yoga or meditate if my ankle was so swollen. Now I'm at work, sitting on my ass, foot iced and evaluated, where I'll remain for the next 8 hours. Good thing I had the brief moment at 7ish.

a spiky pinecone took me out

Well I have another sad report in the world of LL. For those who don't know, I've been plagued by bad ankles since I was an athlete who just keep playing year-round on damaged cartilage. I remember a doctor at some point saying to me "the only think holding your ankle together right now is your skin." Joy. Good work.

Last night I was out for a hike throughout the trails, law school and business school by my house. I was loitering around, looking at the trees, listening to music, and immersed in my own world when a spiky pinecone took me down. Yep, you heard it here first, a small inch diameter pinecone took all 6 feet of me down to the sidewalk. This wasn't a normal pinecone, instead it was a spiky ball of death. Those mother f-ers are strong! It didn't even crack it, but it popped my ankle and before I knew what was going on I was on the wet ground. I got up and sat there thinking "ohhh it is getting hot, this means it is going to be a bad one." I've done this so much over the last 14 years that I know when it is broken, when it is a stress fracture, and the varying degree of sprain-ness.

So I turned my sorry ass around and headed home. I immediately started rotating icing and elevation, and thankfully wake up this AM with not too much swelling. But that good feeling was shot to shit as soon as I walked the 2 blocks to work where it ballooned up. I think I'll have some wicked bruising too, that goes up my leg. Hot.

I secretly wonder what it looks like when big people fall? Perhaps I videotape me on a mountain attempting to ski again???? That too would be a good illustration.

it's beginning to look alot like christmas

In the sense that Rudolph just can't catch a break!!! I saw this one coming a mile away. Skip ahead to 1:10 and watch the holiday magic:

guess the hat

So I ran across this mugshot last week of a model father in FL. He was arrested for shooting at the feet of his son so that he ran more around the yard. This father of the year wanted his son to get in better shape for football season, and why just shoot your gun at him....good idea, genius. So anywho, he got arrested and his mugshot is classically trashy FL southern sun fried:

So can we take a moment to think about what type of hat this douche ball was wearing whilst shooting at his son and baking away in the sun??? This is going to be an a-mazing guess game...here are some options:

1. Bud Light hat
2. Nascar hat
3. FL gators hat
4. Naked mud flap girls