nature's gaterade

Oh lord. This is disturbing to me. Why? Because this might be my drunk, athletic friends or family. I could see my off the grid Uncle doing this in his early days:

Because when you're in the middle of a hard workout, nothing's more refreshing than milk.

we get it you're excited

OK Tim, we understand you got traded (like a wild turkey in the hob--insert Hunger Games reference) and now you're excited. Super excited to be exact. 44 times in one press conference EXCITED that his tebowing efforts are moving to NY.



NY is probably a better place to get laid then Denver anyways.

dance party on a treadmill

Wowsa, check out this lady. She is totally, totally showing you up on a treadmill. She ain't runnin, hells no she is going to throw down and dance you off (I mean it ain't no chair in San Fran**). Check her get down:



Personally I like the two douches doing the running commentary, Beyonce what?!?! Holla at yo girl. Apparently she is a repeat customer who works on her moves while working it out. Hot.

Only on the Internet could someone become the second most famous person to pull off an intricately choreographed dance routine on a treadmill. But talent-wise, this lady makes those guys from OK GO look like they're stuck in walk mode.

**Insert memory from San Fransisco drunk, with the Beaver2.0, and having a 3 AM dance off with a bar stool. Ahh good times.

hey girl, I don't give a shit

Well I had a hellish, yet fun week. I was to work by 7 AM everyday and drunk by 8 PM most nights. Apparently I've been working and playing pretty hard lately. This week, I spent some quality time with my girls where we constantly quoted 3 things which will make you laugh and stick in your head:

Number 1:

That stupid LMFAO song. All they're songs are stupid but soooo damn catchy (including the rock anthem). Now this one is my ringer that says "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle...I work out". Yesterday we were tailgating at the UVA game and it went off, and everyone was like what the hell is that. Wiggle, wiggle:



I work out. No fo real, I do. Yeah and I'm sexy and I know it.

Number 2:

I've been watching those wild animal shows lately. Not through cable television or with any factual base, but through one of my new favorite gay guys. Yep his name is Randell and he is an internets viral sensation. For example, check out this informational video about Honey Badgers:



So what is in my head, "Honey badgers, they don't give a shit". Nastyass honey badgers. What a badass, they just don't care. (I'm going to keep replying to you using these lovely new Honey Badger inspired saying).

Wow, I really like Randell. If you haven't already, you should totally subscribe to his YouTube channel and see what else he narrates (to classical music). For example, check out the Jesus Lizard.

Number 3:

While hanging out, B kept saying "hey girl" and I was like, that's from another viral video. Turns out we could quote the whole damn thing. Posted this a couple months ago after my gay husband was here for a visit, because it reminded me of his fierceness:



LOVES this. Could watch it, quote it, and love on it all damn day. All this week, Nik and I would laugh to this before going to bed:

• HEY GIRL! Hey girl.
  
• Nice try hoe
• But special, remember I'm special
• Rude...
• I can hear you bitches
• That's how you do it, bitch
• It's like pretty n' pink but the dress looked good

Now let's pull my fun week together into one phrase: "Hey girl, I work out, I don't give a shit"

you should hula hoop more

Sooo rumor has it that the big Momma B and our life-long-MI-family-friend-soon-to-be-big-VA-friend have been taking professional hula hooping classes. I mean, how bored to you have to be in your retirement? What about a book club or pottery? Hula hooping, seriously?

The thought of Momma B hula hooping is slightly illogical, yet extremely comical. This is a woman who I've never seen dance, who couldn't clap on beat at basketball games for at least 10 years, and who is shaped like a short tree. I'm not sure she even has hips!!!

Well anyways, a tip of my sun brimmed hat to you both! Way to widen your social circle, way to challenge yourself, and way to go have a little fun with your life. This video is for you, hopefully someday you can "go pro" in hula hooping like these folks:

this year we walked in the rain

Well Saturday we all hauled our sexy booties back up to #DC for this year's Walk for Lupus Now. M, B, and I were up before 7 AM to cook our balls off. There was coffee and eggs and "beef, it's whats for dinner" aprons, and fun with red cops-and-robbers bandanas. We had a slight mishap with the plastic pinto that AM, but we are just going to pretend like that didn't happen. When we got into the district and the sky promptly opened up. We were completely soaked to the bone for the next 3 hours. Despite this, many people still came out, including a good number of Lupies from my group:



Damn we're a sexy bunch of people. My little grass roots team TOTALLY kicked ass raising about $23K, killing last year's record of 13K. Holla! Last night I was back in DC for meetings, had got a round of applause and some flowers for all our hard work. Truly inspirational.

McBetty told me that her boss, who consequently is married to a high-up at HGS, got a couple good jabs in for that fact that my Lupie team was beating their corporate team a week before the walk. After that they picked it up and basically stomped on us donation-wise :) But as McBetty and I said, it's not like they haven't done a TON this year for Lupus, you know getting a drug to treat it through clinical trails for the first time in over 50 years. We all thank you, HGS!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU for your continued support. It means alot to me and to this community.

picture of the day

Mooohahaha. Why are dogs so cute when they have extra, floppy skin and run on the beach??? Why yes, my ears hang low and you can tie them in a bow. Run, RUN!!



My favorite dog had extra skin around his mouth and he used to grrrraw at me and then chew on the skin whilst tilting his head to one side. Super cute. But Keeter doesn't have this much floppy skin....

a new years open letter

Dear new gym-go-ers,

It is 1/9 which means I'd like to officially request that you quit your New Years resolution of working out. You gave it 9 days, now stop coming to the gym. Because I just can't take it. You crowd my classes, you let your children run with you on the track, and you don't know to wipe down the machines. We all pay a boatload each month, which includes childcare....this means your 3 year old should not be running next to me on the track (because he could run through my legs).

New Years resolutions suck. Now quit yours so my everyday life can return to normal.

Love,

The habitual gym go-ers.

run, my friends, run!!

Well I'm overdue with chronicling my vacation about a month ago. It all started with a marathon race on Halloween in DC. As in the District of Columbia, you ask?? Why yes, the entire town shuts down, 21000 people run, and thousands come to watch the craziness. I mentioned previously that my friends are the best, and they had decided to run their balls off in order to raise money for the Lupus Foundation of America. They ran 26 miles and raised over $2000. AMAZING!!! (PS, you can still donate).

There were lots of stories that started around 7 AM, but let's skip ahead to 3ish when we all reunited:



We got TWO FINISHERS!!! Woot, woot. JB and B got metals whilst Helga and I were still in our last minute Halloween costumes. Typical, I'm the tall devil with horns! While Helga gets to be a little pussy :)

At this point of the marathon-day-of-fun, we were just so happy to find JB. We saw them both at mile 1, JB at 10, and both at 16 where we were a little worried. JB finished like a trouper (despite the bum knee), then collapsed in the arms of a hot marine who was "concerned about the slurring of words"--yep I saw the medical report word for word!!! If Brian or I were there we would have thrown her over our shoulder and said "she's fine, don't worry about"--the line we've been saying for 10 years whenever she looks drunk in a bar! They med-tented her up and then sent her through the crowd of 20,000 people. When we finally found her, we embraced, we cried, we gave her more oranges to smear across her face and the first words she says "THAT WAS TOO LONG!!!" We slowly carried her back to the plastic pinto (hoping she didn't crap her shorts due to excess laughter), but half way across the bridge we heard the finish line music and.....



....Cripple dance party!!! 1 Luppie and an injured runner. There was lots of pelvic thrusting and air humping right there in the middle of DC. We were bumping to the song that eventually became the jam of the week. And speaking of pelvic thrusts, we all had a good time stretching it out with the Big B whilst waiting for JB:



Betty's favorite photo was Helga and I thrusting each other while Brian did a squat. Two thrusts and a squat....can't complain! Sooo here are some of the highlights for you all:

• During mile 1, some dude ran by and yelled "here cat girl" and through a Marine OooRah flag at Helga. From here on out I carried that flag yelling "WHO-HA" instead of Oorah, until I was afraid that someone might shoot me for basically yelling "VAGINA" as part of my enthusiasm.
• I balanced my f/phat ass on a cement barrier holding up a "Run, Brian, Run! You can do it!" sign for over an hour, and neither Brian nor JB saw me. They both ran by seeing the people on the damn ground!
  
• At some point I was commenting about how my arms had been in the air for at least 45 minutes holding up signs.....Betty turns and is like "really, really? you are complaining that are arms hurt while your friends run 26 miles???" Well in the words of Crazy Grandma, gravity is a bitch!
• Sign of the day "My wife beats me (at running)"
• Due to the random shootings in DC that week, there was some major security and firepower at the race. Helga and I saw a SWAT guy with 3 guns strapped to his legs and a 4 foot sniper riffle guarding a port-a-potty. Also, there were low flying helicopters with men hanging out of them with guns. Scary!
• That carb goo helps with energy during the race, but it makes you dangerously gassy! Light a match, seriously fierce.
• Lasagna and ice baths make for good pre- and post-race activities even if profanities are involved.
• If you are ever going to run a marathon (btw, you're crazy) the place to do it in this race....there are soooo many people, monuments, bands, and excitement throughout the course that you are never bored as a runner (until you make the bridge your bitch).
  

THANK YOU so much for visiting, for running, for raising money for Lupus, and for everyone who supported their efforts. It was a beautiful, fun and amazingly inspiring day!!! Thank you for being a part of it! xoxoxo

PS, and one last photo to make your day....this person was dressed in a sumo blow up suit and had no idea I was being all sneaky behind her: