epic car dances

Wow, not sure if you heard or not but there is an epic battle of car dancing happening amongst collegiate sports teams. You know, these teammates are trapped in 15-passenger vans drive to and fro for seasonal games. It all started with this car fun by the Harvard Baseball Team:



Then all the parodies begin including the Texasssss State baseball team with bagels and the LSU Tiger girls. The madness continues and now these teams are getting creative. Then the stupid Today Show did a competition with the teams doing it NYC. For more on this check below

ANNNNNNDDDD Leno got on that and did one with the big BO and Mr. R which is pretty funny:



Now I've got that stupid Call Me Maybe song running now-stop in my head. Damn you funny youtube videos:

we get it you're excited

OK Tim, we understand you got traded (like a wild turkey in the hob--insert Hunger Games reference) and now you're excited. Super excited to be exact. 44 times in one press conference EXCITED that his tebowing efforts are moving to NY.



NY is probably a better place to get laid then Denver anyways.

I found a toddler better than you

I think this toddler is the new Forrest Gump of ping pong. He is much better than you and only marginally better than me when I have a pint of beer to balance me in my other hand. I really miss playing ping pong and maybe I need to join a gym where I can play this....then when I have children they can do this:



Last time you sat on a ping pong table it broke and you bruised your tailbone and you had to sit on one of those embarrassing donut pillows for weeks. Remember that, fatass?

Oh wait maybe I'm thinking about sex on pool tables....

kiss cam gone wrong

Dear men of the world,

It is important for you to mayyyybe have a good idea that the woman in your life is also interested in marriage so that this doesn't happen to you:



Ouch. That sucks. Better luck next time, maybe she'll stay.

Love,

LL

thinking through crotch hugs

The background:

The rental units have worked at a major college for a billion of years. These units only ever wear the colors of this university, and do not have anything else from the color wheel. This worked well for their respective jobs. Momma B used to feed all the athletes at this so called university. As such, they got to know her nice short little self. She would bounce around wearing green, feeding them pasta and gateraid while making sure they had a balanced training table diet. She leaves an impression, all 4 feet of her in black lace-ups.

The story:

Let's fast forward 10 years later to the LAX TSA lane circa earlier this month. There Momma B was going through security, setting off all the alerts because half her new body is metal replacements, when someone recognized her. Some extremely tall, basketball-looking, super-nice fine man recognized her (and Poppa B confirmed this sighting, as I question if sub-tymers isn't setting in). Once through security the guy gives her two hugs and they chatted briefly.

The clarification:

It should be noted that Momma B can't tell a story to save her life. She bounces around and following the point is often difficult. So after hearing this story, I needed a couple essential clarifications:

• He recognized you? Oh commmme on I barely recognize you when I see you once a year and you can't even remember MY name (I get called the dog's old name often).
  
• He hugged you? I mean, how did that work? The guy is 7 feet tall and you are 4 feet which roughly means you could walk between his legs. For reals, this spontaneous act of hugging is close to a physical impossibility.
  

Once Momma B had stopped wheezing from my line of questions, I made the best summary of the entire situation:

• You "crotch hugged" Mo-Pete.

I don't find this remotely fair. Why don't you short people hug people your own size. Leave the tall fine men for the tall (amazing) women, like me :) Hug someone your own size next time.

So apparently the fam thought this whole "crotch hug" terminology was pretty funny as it was repeated numerous times throughout the last week. I suppose the crotch hug could be considered a "crappy hug" but for me it is pretty fanfuckintastic. I have absolutely no problem crotch hugging good looking men.

The pictorial representation:

If you have no idea what I am talking about here is a great pictorial representation of the LLism of crotching hugging:

Green lady = Momma B

Yellow giant = Best flintstone basketball player ever

Mo-Pete, thanks for making my mom's year! That was super nice of you.

cananda just went up in my book

Wow, those northern canucks just went a notch up in my book. I mean their lower legal drinking age was a pro throughout high school and college, but now as my priorities have shifted (yeah like booze isn't still a priority) I like that they are also givers. I just read about the 17th Annual “Teddy Bear Toss” in Calgary where fans of the minor-league hockey team the Calgary Hitmen throw teddy bears onto the ice to celebrate the team’s first goal, with the bears eventually being collected and donated to the Alberta Children’s Hospital.

Wanna see 25,000 teddy bears flying through the air at the greatest of ease??? Yes please.



Pretty badass. Can more American teams do this? Again, I'd like to state how I could run the shit out of a sports team's philanthropy and community efforts. I'm just sayin.

espn has penises

What does ESPN and penis have in common??? Good sign potential and 4 letters:

I hope this happened when at MSU or somewhere equally trashy.

yankees pray differently

Wow, the south prays alot differently than I was taught in the north.

Stupid Yankees don't know anything. They don't know how to fry catfish or how to cook greens (I would love some fried okra right about now). And apparently they don't know how to properly lead a good prayer. Next time make sure to thank God for your "smokin hot wife" and "GM performance technology" and then to end in something incoherent, "bipti-bopti-bo".

AMEN, halleluiah:



And I'll add one more:

• "And thank you for the case of Busch Light I used to prepare for tonight's prayer…"

You know that the GM Performance Technology is from Detroit, right? D-town baby. Total shit hole, but I love it.

Djokovic just can't catch a break

Man, some tennis stars will just knock your socks off. Seriously, these guys are freaks of an athletic nature! Poor Djokovic is always losing to the guys who can return serves via their legs, or by jumping 40 feet in the air. I'm just happy when I can hit the ball over the net, no less through spectacular and nearly impossible moves.

Case and point #1, last year's match with Federererer:



Case and point #2, the recent match with Nadal:



As an added note, in 2004 I saw both Federererer and Nadal play each other on the small courts at Wimbledon in England. It was a Sunday rain delay make-up game. Roger wasn't quite the ladies man yet, and neither of them were as famous. It was still pretty exciting and intense. Also, that day I chased down Martina Navratilova for her autograph whilst elbowing a number of small children in the process. Pimms cups for everyone!!!

wowsa, way to multi-task

Well here a video of the dad of the year that can single-handedly catch a fly baseball with his bare hands whilst holding his daughter! Damn, what a multi-tasker. I would be even more impressed if he could do it whilst also drinking a beer, or eating a hot dog, or cracking open some peanuts. I bet this dude get TONS of shit done around the house, taking out the garbage while mowing the lawn while BBQing. Fist bumps all around:



Check out the mother behind him who is absolutely stunned!

only 2 have all 4

Wowsa. This has been a crazy march madness season and apparently ONLY 2 people picked who would be in the final four. Two. Only two people in all of the online submissions, which is like a billion. Apparently, 70% of people don't have any teams left in the final four. That is historical.

say no to drugs, but not chewy (please)

OK I'll be the first to admit, I don't know shit about telemarketing (i.e., the LL way of saying advertising) but I'm pretty sure this drug warning is confusing:



First, I think Chewy is pretty normal. I like big hairy/harry people. I also like people who know when to shut the hell up, or who talk in their own language (insert my favorite noise). See Chewy is either quiet or grunts, and both are fine by me.

B, what if when you are high you see things like Chewy? Totally could happen, or so I hear. It is possible after you have smoked your own teeth you might also see Chewy walking through your backyard in Montana.

Thirdly, did Chewy pose for this baseball ad? Or was this at a real game I missed? I vote for Chewy throwing more opening pitches. OR maybe (here's hoping) Chewy is a new member of a baseball team and plays regularly. Sign me up bitches.

D, is the new Meth slogan "not even once"? Again, I think this more confusing that effective. Maybe that because I don't do drugs. Riiiight I'm not the target audience. Got it.

So in conclusion kiddos, take it from your Aunt LL: say no to drugs but not to Chewy (and one last time for good measure, click here and then on the face). The world needs more Chewy.

march madness, I vote for the stache

So March Madness officially started last week and I completed one crap bracket (I'm shooting for the absolute loser!). The rental units were visiting and they were not on board with the idea of me not hosting a pool this year. So McBetty and I decided to combine ours into one, and here's hoping everyone will remember to get me the money....

Anyways, I've decided to not cheer for a certain team but to cheer for their most badass fans. For example, I may have become an impromptu Maryland fan when I saw this dude:



I say screw the teams. I'm rooting for this guy's hair and moustache combo. Though anyone who can pull off such luscious white locks is already a winner in my book.

He isn't really santa claus, or typical villain lookin. The combination is a new look that needs be to repeated more in sport fans. If I could grow a mustache, it would totally look like that instead of something black.

OK let the cheese jokes begin

Congrats to those Packers.....now let's begin all the midwestern/cheese/snow bad puns:

• "Cheese stands along"
• "Pack where they belong"

There will be more tomorrow...

Also notable was this awkward moment in the first quarter, really A-Rod, really?

favorite VL telemarketing

First, tell me why 45 is XLV??? Why is it not just VL??? Anywho thoughts to ponder.

Here is LL's best superbowl telelmarketing of the night (we are the motorcity, this is what we do--imported from Detroit bitches):

black swan making the rounds

Well last week I saw Black Swan--which is NOT the marriage of Twilight characters Jacob (Black) and Bella (Swan). It was a good thriller, and yes N. Portman deserves an Oscar (nod), but it was not as psychologically thrilling as I thought it would be. I like the psychological part but I pretty much knew what was going to happen from the beginning. Either way Black Swan is making the rounds, especially this funny from SNL last weekend. Last time I saw J. Carey in a tutu was when he was in Ace Ventura, and that was just damn funny:

happenings around LL

Soooo here is a composite LL report for all you avid LLspot readers who have been mcnagging me:

• I have driven over 2000 miles in the last 30 some days living the dream, straight out of suitcases. I've been all over VA, NC, MD, and DC between work, the beach vacation, the wedding, and LFA. I have been working out the plastic pinto, getting her on the open road, stretching out her legs, and I almost (almost) took an extreme right when seeing this sign.
• I have been a slight coffee/caffeine'o holic lately. This AM I had an early morning slice-of-fatty-hyperloaded-energy-juice with the big G, and I swear this was my cup'o coffee. I thought "wowsa, I should come here more often." Only kidding, I'm totally focusing on work lately (insert sass).
  
• Apparently Quidditich (the JK-HP-magician sporting game) might become an NCAA sport. I love me some HP but how is the whole broom flying thing going to work??? This is going to lead to alot of pictures of boys standing around on a field with wooden brooms between their legs. You heard it hear first.
  
• Mr. and Mrs. Bling Bling (formerly A & M or M & A, depending on your allegiance) is to blame for this god damn song being stuck in my head the last week. Totally your fault.
• My life has been ruled by classic / 80s rock lately (seen 2 live 80's rock bands in the last 2 weeks which is more than I have my entire life), and I think I mayyyy have to start playing more Christmas music this weekend. Everyone stay away from me the next two weeks, I'm going into hibernation mode.
• My gay husbands and I had a string of emails recently about this amazing product which could keep all those midwestern men warm. Check out the tagline....now that is some rhythmic telemarketing brilliance.
• Also along the midwestern and slightly inappropriate line, my sammy sam sent me a link about a new modeling craze. Fortunately, I will not be participating in this event anywhere in near future (see how I'm leaving a slight "out" just in case when I'm 40+ and knocked up, it mayyy be a possibility).
  

some funny MI ads

Here's an accurate, yet funny, spoof of those State of MI promotional ads....."Lions fan, they're f-ing crazy":



Also check out Univ. of MI football, and construction videos.

living on a prayer bball dance party

Looove this, wish I could it too:

attention crackers, randy's back

Well Randy "the freak" Moss is heading back to Minney to return as a Vik!!! Favre (former Packer) and Moss are now Viks....whoever would have thought. Back in early 2000's Randy was a real class act running over cops in downtown and running his mouth. Check out some of his greatest hits, including but not limited to his "Straight Cash Homie!" comment. And Randy just launched his new Viks website this week....maybe he got to use the same skin from 10 years ago :) Yesterday I went back through some of my podcasts from 2002 with some very very funny skits about Randy, but I'll have to email me for the links since they are not available anymore.

Sooo we'll see what happens with Randy and what he'll do for the purple pride, but as he said in his press conference this week, "at least I wasn't on that boat!" True. True that.