casual friday just got alot more fun

I like fashion, always have. And I like to surprise people. And I like to tell you your business. Enter the most perfect casual Friday attire I've ever seen, especially for unapologetic perverts:

Hmmm, is that a cock or your legs? I'm not sure. Stylish no matter how you spin it!

I plan to turn the office into an impromptu bachelorette party with these fashionable-yet-comfortable penis-covered slacks. Let's admit it, times may change but a field of throbbing cocks is a classic look that will never go out of style. Sure it could cause a few minor "issues" with HR or with my bosses, but really there shouldn't be rules for casual friday.

Well it's a real good thing that these come for both men and women alike. And they only cost $50 so in reality it is a steal--a penis covered retail deal!!!! Penis pants for everyone, and when I say everyone I mean everyone. I'm gonna pull an Oprah and yell/point "you get penis pants" and "you get cock leggings".

Again, you're welcome.

nature's gaterade

Oh lord. This is disturbing to me. Why? Because this might be my drunk, athletic friends or family. I could see my off the grid Uncle doing this in his early days:

Because when you're in the middle of a hard workout, nothing's more refreshing than milk.

wheel placement is critical

Those crazy cannucks! They really need some additional proofreaders and telemarkerting officials. I mean check out these wheels:

Maybe her campaign team should go back to the drawing board, or at least back to the "let's not make any parts of the bus look like big rubber tits" board. This could have been extremely embarrassing for the candidate, but luckily it happened in Canada, so everyone's being obnoxiously polite about it.

Wowsa!

the best posed photo ever

Wow. Just wow. I'm in a current state of a-mazed-ness. Let me explain....

For years I have had a small, minor, yet continuous obsession with posing on, against, and with phallic-like statues, monuments, and erect things. Me and my fun friends have done it with my butt, with my hands and a butt, with two fingers, and with two hands....wait what are we talking about?!?! I lost my train of thought...

Ohhh right, so posing with things has moved to a new epic level upon the discovery of this slightly pornographic photo that pushes me to get more creative in my picture taking abilities:

Wowsa. I'm glad that this photo also captured the girl on the right, doing the tired, old "Holding Up The Leaning Tower Of Pisa" pose. Been there, done that and apparently I need to step up my game. I expect that she felt instantly ashamed of being such a tourist cliche, especially next to these Jersey Shore-like guy's amount of creativity.

I wonder if this will launch a hot new trend in vacation snaps, "I got penetrated by Pisa!" It could totally happen.

A tip of my hat gentlemen. Nice work.

give em all coal

Kids are so spoiled these days. They get whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want it. We are such a consumer generation. I think this kids need a reality check. Enter the Jimmy Kimmel late night show.

Jimmy did a sketch in October encouraging parents to tell their children they ate their candy. This was my favorite. Now he is encourage parents to give their children crap Christmas gifts and video tape the results. Well the fun and dose of reality for their kiddos have continued into the new year:



Oh stop your crying! We need to toughen up you kids and teach you to be thankful for what you got!!! I was never like that as a child, or adolescent, I swear.

holy balls deep

Wowsa, check out this Jeopardy player going balls deep, laying all his shit out there, taking on Alex like a true badass. This is the scariest 60 seconds of Jeopardy ever:



Wow, Alex is like "excuse me?" what did you say? Did I hear you wrong? And then boooom the guy is like a millionare. Go big or go home bitches.

72 days and it's over

Wowsa, did you hear??? The Special K news??? Kimmy K has filed for divorce from her tall MN-soten husband. They made it a whole 72 days. Considering they were PAID $17.9 million for their wedding that means it was worth a nifty $10,358.80 per hour. 10Gs per hour. HOLY BALLS!!

Check this out for a detailed break down of the numbers. It was funny how #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage was trending on twitter for days producing such epic tweets as:

• #Blackberry service outage #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage (which I thought McBetty would enjoy).
• #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage her last name.
• #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage Taylor Swift's speech because Kanye grabbed her mic
  

Well you know now that we all look back at it, there was some signs we were missing that would have suggested this abrupt end. For God’s sake, this GIF taken from Keeping Up With The Kardashians should have given it away months ago…

What kind of jhole throws a woman into the ocean? I'm sure she is fine. I heard she’s completely buoyant carrying around all that well-known junk in the trunk, but still.

I still contend that these are s-m-r-t business people and she played her heart and wallet pretty well this time. Point Kim, advantage Special K family.

a 21 footer

This week a small town in the Philippines can finally sleep sound. Why you ask? Well they just caught a GIGANTIC 21 foot long crocodile:



Wowsa. That is no joke. I think bigger is better (this is why texassss and I get along), but this is pretty damn scary. The optimal size is about at 12 inches, but at 21 feet it is getting out of control.

This croc had been eating farmers and water buffalo all summer. But apparently, George (what I'm calling this 21 footer) is going to become part of the local community. Yeah they are building an ecotourism park around this beast, as he has become an international sensation. Just remember to keep your distance, look out they bite!

On a side note, I think my wing span could cover most of the croc. That little Philippian guy could barely get around it, whereas me (being the giant I am) would probably get a good grip.

safety first, you bitches

the men of HP

Well the men of HP showed up for the final movie premiere in NYC this week, and they set the red carpet on fire. These boys have grown up before our eyes over the last 12 years and become something kind of sexy. Let's examine this further...



OK well we got Dan and Rupert, and who doesn't love a tried and true supporter of the GBLT community and a little ginger--but we know about them pretty well as 2/3 to the HP trinity. The surprise was that Neville Longbottom and Darco Malfoy are HOT! What happened? They both grew up and in a damn good way. Wowsa. Matt and Tom have turned into what has been coined, WILFs (wizard you would....well you know).

I mean, do we remember Matt Lewis as Neville? Nerdy, right? Not anymore. Now he is raising to the heights of those sexy brits, including Clive Owen (well not here). The internets freaked out this week with pictures of him at all the HP premiere. Look at this, wowsa, some kind of sexy with a pocket watch. So here's to his new book:



On an unrelated note, I think we are having some further confusion between the Twilight and HP series. Check out this picture of my absolute favorite, Emma, at the NYC premiere. She has some funky things going on with her eyes, in that they are borderline vampire-like. Crystals and depths that are looking into my soul:



Grrrrrr.

holy back hair

Wowsa. Put a shirt on. That is horrifying. That hairy, that gray. The stuff of nightmares:



PS, where the hell is this picture taken? There is all kinds of weird happenings going on here. Case and point:

• Is that old dude wearing ski boots?
• Is there some guy in the background with ski googles (to the right)?
• Is it like 90 degree, sunny and no snow?
• Is there someone topless wearing a straw hat (to the left)?
• Do you think that old dude is Santa on his summer vacation? Could be. We need some frontal exposure to indicate a beard, yes or no.
• Could that old dude pull up his jorts any further? Maybe he could make it so they cover up his entire back. And frankly, as tight as those jorts are you really don't need a belt!
  

Well this is definitely the picture of the day. Odd and entertaining all at once.

Djokovic just can't catch a break

Man, some tennis stars will just knock your socks off. Seriously, these guys are freaks of an athletic nature! Poor Djokovic is always losing to the guys who can return serves via their legs, or by jumping 40 feet in the air. I'm just happy when I can hit the ball over the net, no less through spectacular and nearly impossible moves.

Case and point #1, last year's match with Federererer:



Case and point #2, the recent match with Nadal:



As an added note, in 2004 I saw both Federererer and Nadal play each other on the small courts at Wimbledon in England. It was a Sunday rain delay make-up game. Roger wasn't quite the ladies man yet, and neither of them were as famous. It was still pretty exciting and intense. Also, that day I chased down Martina Navratilova for her autograph whilst elbowing a number of small children in the process. Pimms cups for everyone!!!

performance of the night

Nope it was Gaga and her egg, or Christina and her fall, or any of the noteable upsets....instead a major tip of my hat goes to the 8 minute performance by my fav Brit band, Mumford & Sons (although I do love Muse too and they staged a revolution). Mumford performance by themselves and then brought out the Avett Bros (GO COCKS!!!) and the legendary B-O-B. A-mazing:

(sorry for the pink, it was the only full video posted the day after)



PS, on the awards upset note, look at Arcadian Fire beating Lady Gaga and Esperanza Spalding beating the Bieb. Wowsa. Never would have guessed that.

PPS, I can honesty die happy after hearing this performance, listening to all the instruments, the cellos, and lyrics. Love it. Brings me so much happiness.

winter blues?

Check out this picture and remember it could be worse:

god, I love me some stan t

Wowsa, I really love Stanley Tucci. That man is truly an amazing actor and from what I've read pretty damn funny too. I recently watched the Pelican Brief from the early 90s, and had forgotten that he was the hired sexy bitch of a killer. Back in the day he had alot more hair!

Over the years Stan T has been a red hatted assassin (here), a high-strung annoying assistant (here), a gay and fabulous fashionista (here), a politicko cooking-wife husband (here), and a creepy serial killer (here). Can't wait to see what he does next, and whether or not it will be with Meryl Streep!

Hands off to you stannnnly.

my house next halloween

This is just as good as those Christmas houses:

two-wheeled machines of death

Well it's official, Segways really are two-wheel death machines. I declared this last spring when my gay husbands and I were speeding around DC. Note to self, don't wear sweaty flip flops on machines which are controlled by your toes!! Now we have more evidence....it was announced today that the owner of the Segway Company died in a freak accident. How, you ask? Guess....just guess...here is a mathematical hint from my one of my favorite bloggers:



Yes, the man drove his segway off a cliff in his England Estate. Seriously? Maybe that man needed to read his own owner's manual. Wowsa. That sucks and probably did nothing for your company's trading today. In honor of the Segway owner, I think we should all review 20 people/situations where Segways should NOT be used. My favorite "to NOT do" looks to be somewhere in the frozen tundra, and something I would do only when with B or Ev after doing some shots:



(insert mohhahahaha evil laugh)

makes me want to join facebook

Well I can't believe I'm saying it, but today I might have had a small inclination (which was immediately squashed) to join Facebook. The reasoning??? First, the CEO announced he is donating 100 Million dollars to the NJ Public School System. HOT!!! I love that. Although I do think it might be that the "social networking" movie, which happening to shed some pretty poor light on you and your website, is coming out later this week. Nothing like joining up with some local elephants and going on the Big O to talk about how amazing you are. Well, I like you supporting education, especially in NJ school system who is only graduating 40% of students.

Second, apparently Facebook went down for two hours today. That means the world had the most productive afternoon in the last 8 years!!! Oh wait, I bet everyone just starting tweeting their thoughts. Yep, that is exactly what happened....check out one of my favorite tweets, once again showing creative and maximizing the situation (wtg, boston zipcar):

Space Junk PICTURES: Space Debris-Monitoring Satellite Set To Launch

#BecauseOfTwitter: The Good And The Bad (TWEETS)

SHORT AND TWEET: Top 7 Tweets Of The Week From The Fringe And Famous (PICTURES)

Astronauts' Spectacular Twitter Pictures From Space (PHOTOS)

Nokia E7 Smartphone Hands-On (PHOTOS): 'Wow' To 'Weird'

Google Instant Blocks Sexy Searches: See What Basic Terms Google Thinks Are NSFW

PS, did I really read that the Facebook CEO is now worth more money than Steve Jobs? Wowsa.

bloody vamps

Well these aren't the good natured, sparkling vegetarian vampires who are so popular right now:

The True Blood vamps grace the cover of Rolling Stones coming out this week. Wowwwwsa there is some blood, nakeness, and grab-age happening in this photo.

Makes me want to yell "BILL" in a southern accent....