only 2 have all 4

Wowsa. This has been a crazy march madness season and apparently ONLY 2 people picked who would be in the final four. Two. Only two people in all of the online submissions, which is like a billion. Apparently, 70% of people don't have any teams left in the final four. That is historical.

some people just don't get slang

This is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen.

Word.

Stupidity.

bad bad shoes

Well these are just horrible. What designer thinks that flippers and heels are a good combination? I think not. I mean how would women (or certain men--remember baby you were born that way) even walk in these??? Wouldn't anybody walking in these shoes sort of look like Ronnie McDonald?? I for sure would trip on my damn face. Trust me, it could totally happen and has multiple times in the past. Bad, bad fashion, and please just say no.

These aren't as bad as these or these or these, but they are right up there:

way to go target

Wow, way to go Target. You really out did yourself this time. Those end aisles are well stocked, and definitely in combinations that fit the average college student....table, cups, and ping pong balls. In a related aisle, you could buy condoms, beers, and glow sticks.

Now if only we could get Lowes or Home Depot to put all the necessities for "beer bong" making in one spot, then student won't have to walk around finding over-sized funnels, tubes and valves:

finally a sign I can follow

Please motorists and pedestrians alike, heed the advice of this traffic sign. I know you may neglect the 25 MPH Speed Limit signs in school zone, or the PED X-ING signs…but this is not one to be ignored. I wonder where this was posted and how I can find a way to steal me a copy:

paternal dance party

Just because you're a father now doesn't mean you still can't move and shake it, or wear your shirts like Ricky Martin circa 2000. This guy needs to rid of his family, they are totally holding him back. Check out this scene stealing dad as his daughters sing the Beib:

yikes, not nearly as sexy

Well I'm a Clive Owen fan. This is not a secret. I mean clearly, he is some tall British eye candy. Again I repeat how is that one small island can produce so many things I love? I remember back in the "Inside Man" days (best. movie. ever.), I used to have this photo saved on my desktop for weeks.

Imagine my disappointment when I ran across this photo recently of Mr. Owen:

So yes I'm a fan of the moustache (Thanks G for the newest link), but this is not a good choice on my former crush. Please just say no (or stay out of public). I hope this is for a movie role, and not fo reals. Clive has grown a bad stache, and apparently a molester haircut to go with it. I mean I can't even get a good "handlebar ride" on that. Weak.

Maybe I should just stick with Lee Pace and his piano playing for alittle longer.

say no to drugs, but not chewy (please)

OK I'll be the first to admit, I don't know shit about telemarketing (i.e., the LL way of saying advertising) but I'm pretty sure this drug warning is confusing:



First, I think Chewy is pretty normal. I like big hairy/harry people. I also like people who know when to shut the hell up, or who talk in their own language (insert my favorite noise). See Chewy is either quiet or grunts, and both are fine by me.

B, what if when you are high you see things like Chewy? Totally could happen, or so I hear. It is possible after you have smoked your own teeth you might also see Chewy walking through your backyard in Montana.

Thirdly, did Chewy pose for this baseball ad? Or was this at a real game I missed? I vote for Chewy throwing more opening pitches. OR maybe (here's hoping) Chewy is a new member of a baseball team and plays regularly. Sign me up bitches.

D, is the new Meth slogan "not even once"? Again, I think this more confusing that effective. Maybe that because I don't do drugs. Riiiight I'm not the target audience. Got it.

So in conclusion kiddos, take it from your Aunt LL: say no to drugs but not to Chewy (and one last time for good measure, click here and then on the face). The world needs more Chewy.

music of the moment

I am enjoying this song, especially the pretty beginning:

I found a pair of jeans for you

Yep I found you the most perfect pair of jeans. I mean these are definitely more appropriate for my male friends, but I suppose some butch females might like the message as well. These aren't your typical wide-leg or bootleg or even slim cut jean. Instead, they are sperm shooting out of the zipper inspired. I mean, who doesn't want all the boys visually swimming from your pants.

The owner of these pants better not be shooting blanks otherwise that is just false telemarketing. If you are going to advertise yourself in such a way you better be able to deliver! So this is what I am buying you for your birthday and christmas this year. If you're lucky, the swimmers might come in multiple colors:

I would have died...

....If I ran into this guy in the store. OMG nope this is the picture of the day:



No fair, old people get away with everything!!! And of course he was spotted in Wallie World. I gotta start shopping there just for the people watching.

march madness, I vote for the stache

So March Madness officially started last week and I completed one crap bracket (I'm shooting for the absolute loser!). The rental units were visiting and they were not on board with the idea of me not hosting a pool this year. So McBetty and I decided to combine ours into one, and here's hoping everyone will remember to get me the money....

Anyways, I've decided to not cheer for a certain team but to cheer for their most badass fans. For example, I may have become an impromptu Maryland fan when I saw this dude:



I say screw the teams. I'm rooting for this guy's hair and moustache combo. Though anyone who can pull off such luscious white locks is already a winner in my book.

He isn't really santa claus, or typical villain lookin. The combination is a new look that needs be to repeated more in sport fans. If I could grow a mustache, it would totally look like that instead of something black.

picture of the day

Mooohahaha. Why are dogs so cute when they have extra, floppy skin and run on the beach??? Why yes, my ears hang low and you can tie them in a bow. Run, RUN!!



My favorite dog had extra skin around his mouth and he used to grrrraw at me and then chew on the skin whilst tilting his head to one side. Super cute. But Keeter doesn't have this much floppy skin....

carefree baby may be mine

So last week the internets were all a buzz with evidence of the most careful baby in the world. She doesn't care, she say whatever she wants, and you're just going to have to take it! Her vocabulary is very advanced for her age.

I'm thinking she may have secretly been my long lost child. I mean she is hooded up like the unibomber, and swears just like a pirate:



Also notable on the internets last week was this crazy laughing baby. Really, ripping paper? That is truly funny. I just wet my pants.

and she can flip a pancake

As I've mentioned the world is slightly obsessed the spring wedding of Ms. Kate and one of the British princes. They have been working hard in planning the big day and approving their couple coin and plate. Personally the image on that coin will continue to haunt me for the rest of the day, and I heard that the couple and the Queen approved it! I'd be like....hmmmm.....hells no.

But I digress. As part of their prenuptial secret publicity tour, the couple landed in Northern Ireland earlier this week. In the receiving line apparently they started flipping pancakes with some kids. Why these kids had pancakes and skillets are still unknown. FAT TUESDAY??? Pancakes for everyone! Next time we'll have to get them to jump rope, or make an omelet, or make me a pie, or something just as equally strange:



Also, on the Ms. Kate note, she has been totally changing the British fashion scene, and I LOVES IT!!! Whenever she steps out, all the retail sales of what she is donning shoot through the roof. Seriously, she has taken the typical over-sized British hat (which I secretly love) and brought it down a notch to a lovely feather headband.

I really don't hate to say this, but I have been sporting these headbands for about a year now!!! Kate, maybe we need to chat??? I'll bring you around and class it up (because "classy" is my middle name despite what you mayyyy have heard). I predict that in two months she'll be wearing small pops of lace in normal outfits. You heard it hear first. Stay tuned.

PS, in their vein, I wonder if frying pans are expected to make a jump after yesterday? :)

the only way to travel

telling you your lupie business

Well this was my 4th year to suit up and attend the Lupus Foundation of America's Advocacy Days on the hill in DC. Last week we had meetings with all my representatives from the big commonwealth of VA. I didn't get to meet another Senator and I severely missed little Tommy P, but I found my voice....

As many of you know, I have a big damn mouth but when at LFA events I tend to be the tall quiet one in the back. My story is not nearly as traumatic or sad or meaningful as all my friends. I was diagnosed early, I can work a 40 hour job, I have health care, and therefore I keep my mouth shut. I don't know if I can accurately articulate this to those who don't experience it daily--the degree of disaster that this disease takes on the lives of the people affected, and how much I am abnormal. I was just emailing with one of my more sane support group friends who was THRILLED to get her drug list down to 8 prescription a day, and seriously she is what I would call high-functioning.

This year on the hill (for the first time ever) I felt strong enough to talk more, to share, and to give a 20-minute "tell-you-your-business" speech. And luckily, it went well. I'll be the first to admit that it might just be that my expectations have changed, in that it didn't bother me when those crazy women go off on their stories or when the foundation can't get their business together. I articulated our purpose and I didn't get as upset when the staffers replied "we are in a budget short fall" or "we don't support that."

Last week, I got a little crazy tweeting up a storm with the LFA stuff. Also, if you want to write any of your representatives, using an LFA form letter, you can do so here. Tell them someone special to you was on the hill (for big block of cheese day) last week, and you too support the cause even though you couldn't be there.

xoxoxox

I really don't mind a little Romeo

Wellll I just heard about an official new club for old(er) men. You know, those crazy old batty ladies have their red hat(ers) club where it is hen party after hen party. Momma B is the official Queen B of her MIzzz club and I have a pink hat for being under 50 (and proud of it). But the men, they don't really have any club or cool organization to call their own. Enter, ROMEO. Can you guess what is stands for????

• Retired Old Men Eating Out (ROMEO)

(insert obvious LL joke, mohahahah)

ROMEOs are popping up all over the country. These retired guys just go to a diner and drink coffee and hang out and probably bitch about their wives. Sounds GREAT!!! They kind of already have this for Poppa B but it has a different name, that frankly in my opinion isn't nearly as fun as ROMEO. Mr. B, you definitely need to start one of these and come up with a name like "Hard Hat Botherhood" (see above website).

I don't know why I love old people so much. It probably has something to due with my kickass dirty grandparents and good old friends in WA who swore at me at church. I can't wait until I'm retired. It's going to be a blast (even though the girls will be in my shoes or missing).

jimmy does charlie

I have to admit, I never thought Jimmy Fallon would survive in late night (I mean did you see him in Taxi? or Taxi driver?), but he actually knocks my socks off regularly. Case and point, his new Charlie Sheen video. He really must be #winning. This impression is so accurate it is like initially watching Tina Fey do Sarah Palin, match, point, set:

why is everyone so angry?

I swear, most men in pop culture right now are sooo angry. If it isn't Mel Gibson and his heavy breathing, it is Christian Bale yelling at random people (ps, now I try to reply to people with "oooh good for you" as much as possible). You all need to take a deep breath and go take it down a notch (perhaps by your own "drug" of choice, of course).

Well the new addition to this pool of men is Charlie Sheen. He has been bordering on a good crazy for years now, but has really taken it further this week. Charlie did an interview where he talked alot of crazy and then joined Twitter to vent his spleen (ha! that is close to sheen). This, of course, is the gift that just keeps giving. Now we all can follow this semi-normal rants. For about a week now, his sayings have been trending including my personal favorite, #tigerblood. Yes, I too have tigerblood pulsing throughout my body.

Of course the internets have put together some pretty amazing records of the rants of these angry men. I'M WINNING!!!! Check it out:

clean up in the douches aisle

Well here is a good picture of the day courtesy of my friends in NYC. This aisle of goodness has everything you could possibly need, including books for the kiddos and condoms (that is what they mean by "family planning," right?). I hope I can use my Rewards Card and get all my shopping done in this one aisle. Remember though they will only accept returns for the right side of the aisle, you're totally on your own for the left side:

Gosh, what a doucheball.

that's my girl

Sooo we all presented at CRC here in town a couple weeks ago and I just found this video where you can play a where's waldo of my girl T. I spy her at least twice. That's right, tell them their business. Get on with your bad, education-teaching self....you sexy bitch:

reuniting the perfect couple

OK my apologies for not getting many "quality" blog posts lately. I've been doing some hosting, some traveling, and quite a bit of thinking (you know, on life and other business that may or may not be forthcoming). Accept all the LL-ish apologies.

So earlier, around that manufactured Single's Awareness Day, Mattel announced via their Facebook page [insert puking noise] that their main characters, Barbie and Ken that is, were getting back together. According to Facebook, and why would we trust any other source, they are "in a relationship" again. Well this bodes the question as to when they weren't in a relationship???? No seriously, when did they break-up? Haven't these two blonde haired, blue eyed plastics been a couple for decades? When did Barbie start dating other guys? When did Ken wake up and realize platium blonde is sooo not in? When did they realize that only p-i-m-p-s drive pink cars or live in pink mansions?

After starting this oddly PG relationship of repeated 1st and 2nd base hook-up sessions in the early 1960's, the couple stayed together until the untimely or long expected break-up earlier this decade. Perhaps that may be a good thing actually, especially for Barbie. I feel like I have seen a black version of Ken and seriously once you go dark brown plastic you don’t go back (or so I’ve heard). Also I heard that the couple has gone through some serious make-overs, including tanning, updating to a current fashion trends and changing careers like becoming an astronaut.

Perhaps this is just a brilliant tele-marketing campaign via social media for Mattel. Again, I wonder who is the person tweeting and facebooking these updates. I bet it is some nerdy tech guy, or maybe some out and proud gay men. They can get pretty creative on what type of date did Ken just take Barbie or how is Barbie feeling this AM? Way to play on the current pop culture events. Nice work.

PS, did you know Ken and Barbie have last names? "Learn" something new everyday.

music of the moment

Pictures from the Little Big Town concert keeps rotating on my computer screen inspiring me to listen to this song: