woah, old lady raps your business

I like old people. I've said this for years. I'm gonna be a great old person--knock your socks off, be pitching asses in the nursing home, and still talking like a deranged pirate.  Or perhaps I be this lady:



We all need to learn about family values, how to keep it in your pants. Where else would you want to learn this business if not on a bad reality show by a hot pink pearl wearing Grandma. She might be my new idol. Tell me my business Granny, I like it.

She just said "piss ant pimp" and I loved it. I'm going to use this from now on! Oh and remember sex isn't free yo, west siiiiiide bitches. 

I wonder what she'll be next round. Someone watch for me!

oh yeah! hip old lady

If my crazy grandparents were still alive I would have totally done this in their kitchen. I would have taught GS the shoulder dust off, the nose inch, and the chest pop. If this old lady had more junk in the trunk she totally could have done a hot bootie dance (but as GS always said "its a bitch getting old").

I mean check out her ty-died shirt and stretch pants. She is so hip she is almost a hipster (or gangsta, whichever):



Pop, pop, pop it like its hot. I like it.

I'm kranky and have 100 dildos

I like old people. Man, they'll give it to you straight. Tell you your business and take names. Take this old dude, he don't like you because your asian AND because you don't put dildos in your safety deposit box at the bank. I mean where else you would keep your collection of plastic penises??? In a storage unit off route 29 or under lock and cover that you would only know about after watching the following video:



When you know you don't have much time left, it's important to know that your home, condo and extensive sex toy collection will be left in good, suddenly confused hands. Oh, what, you think this is weird? Well what was he supposed to do, leave them all to that stuffed crane? You can't just abandon an entire warehouse of expensive, finely-crafted rubber penises, and he already tried giving them to charity. This is for the best — those fake dicks belong with family.

get her a beer bong

Grandma, forget shot gunning that beer can! Let's pull out the beer bong and see what she can do....

webcam 101

Old people are so funny. I have noticed momma and poppa B in particular are much more carefree in their retirement. They laugh alot more and are generally more tolerable.

But technology can be real confusing for old people. I mean there are so many buttons and warning and business happening. I swear. Case and point, take this old couple who's working on their computer, trying to get their damn webcam to work right....there also is a request to show your boobs, making me wonder if old people porn is on the rise:



That grandma is going to town on some cough drop! Or she is rolling her fake teeth around in her mouth. Man that grandpa is a check too...burping and singing and requesting flashing.

pic of the day, airing out grandma

Well here is a great picture of the day that deserves some LL comments:

• Not all families can afford a hearse! It's tight times people.
  
• She's probably not dead. When you've got a family of fifteen, someone has to ride on the roof.
• Grandpa always said grandma liked to be on top :) dirrrrty
  
• A Florida funeral? Shouldn't the casket be sealed with duct tape and heart stickers?
• Getting her out of the nursing home for a road trip, better late than never!
• I think it's interesting that this family had the window paint to identify that the casket was grandma's!

Leave yours in the comments, if you got any better ones....

old people in MI rock

1. I love old people
2. I used to live in MI, and man, some of those people are creative
3. I like it when they dress up and carry around depends
4. I can't wait to drive an electronic scooter
5. OMG those choir ladies were waving "hey-ho"
   
6. This just totally made my day:

holy back hair

Wowsa. Put a shirt on. That is horrifying. That hairy, that gray. The stuff of nightmares:



PS, where the hell is this picture taken? There is all kinds of weird happenings going on here. Case and point:

• Is that old dude wearing ski boots?
• Is there some guy in the background with ski googles (to the right)?
• Is it like 90 degree, sunny and no snow?
• Is there someone topless wearing a straw hat (to the left)?
• Do you think that old dude is Santa on his summer vacation? Could be. We need some frontal exposure to indicate a beard, yes or no.
• Could that old dude pull up his jorts any further? Maybe he could make it so they cover up his entire back. And frankly, as tight as those jorts are you really don't need a belt!
  

Well this is definitely the picture of the day. Odd and entertaining all at once.

I hope I'll be this cool

I hope that I will be this cool and hip and wicked awesome when I'm old and my tits are in my shoes:

I would have died...

....If I ran into this guy in the store. OMG nope this is the picture of the day:



No fair, old people get away with everything!!! And of course he was spotted in Wallie World. I gotta start shopping there just for the people watching.

I really don't mind a little Romeo

Wellll I just heard about an official new club for old(er) men. You know, those crazy old batty ladies have their red hat(ers) club where it is hen party after hen party. Momma B is the official Queen B of her MIzzz club and I have a pink hat for being under 50 (and proud of it). But the men, they don't really have any club or cool organization to call their own. Enter, ROMEO. Can you guess what is stands for????

• Retired Old Men Eating Out (ROMEO)

(insert obvious LL joke, mohahahah)

ROMEOs are popping up all over the country. These retired guys just go to a diner and drink coffee and hang out and probably bitch about their wives. Sounds GREAT!!! They kind of already have this for Poppa B but it has a different name, that frankly in my opinion isn't nearly as fun as ROMEO. Mr. B, you definitely need to start one of these and come up with a name like "Hard Hat Botherhood" (see above website).

I don't know why I love old people so much. It probably has something to due with my kickass dirty grandparents and good old friends in WA who swore at me at church. I can't wait until I'm retired. It's going to be a blast (even though the girls will be in my shoes or missing).

quote of the day

JB had a patient yesterday that said:

• "I'd rather be dipped in shit that do this crap."

God that is pretty accurate to most people's everyday lives!

too much energy

Well we all know how much I like sassy fun old people. I think you just get saucier and more worldly the older we get. OK I'll admit some people get mean and kranky, but I don't think this guy is one of them. He appears to have more energy than I do right now, and some odd mixing skills (with a personal whistle interlude). There is a good chance this dude is on some "good" drugs:

my favorite WA lady

Well my favorite Pullman, WA old lady writes a weekly column for the local newspaper. Jean and I used to swear and eat pizza and paint her house. I love her! And this weeks' column cracked me up:

"It has been hard for me to understand the popularity of the “Twilight” series of books. I mean they are about vampires and werewolves. Let’s get real here. It’s the 21st century. I have had a hard time keeping Edward and Jacob apart.

Then I did a little Wikipedia research. It was I, who was misinformed. Werewolves and Vampires are part of the mythological or folkloric legends of every culture. One historian, Brian Frost believes that “belief in blood sucking creatures is as old as man himself.” Here I thought that Bram Stoker had invented them with his Dracula, the “quintessential vampire novel” until now. Poor Count Vad is not unique. Nor apparently are castles in Transylvania.

I had forgot that Herodotus in his Histories wrote about the Neuri tribe, living somewhere northeast of Scythia, who transform into wolves every 9 years. A vase was found in ancient Persia showing a man fight with a wolfish looking figure. I could go on and on about all the historical references to “blood sucking” creatures but I won’t bore you.

Stephenie Meyer has certainly tapped into the culture memory with her Twilight series. Every one I know who has read the books assures me they are very well written. That’s what young men used to say about Playboy when it first came out. Actually they were right, I read some of the articles in my late husband’s copies. I loved their interviews. Based on this personal experience, without doing further research into this by reading a novel or two, I am reasonably sure these books are also well written.

These novels that have captured the popular imagination are just the latest in a series of fantasy books. Mostly the Twilight series are read by young women of any age. They have replaced the Harry Potter books. Children a soon as they were at the proper reading level had their heads buried in the Potter books.

For those few of you not familiar with the books they are fictionally placed in Forks, WA. Our Forks WA! In our celebrity culture, Forks has become a cult tourist site. Further there are two male heroes. First is Edward Cullen, the Vampire and second Jacob Black, the werewolf. Mr. Black is a member of the Qiuleute tribe. Apparently Native American’s have all kinds of legends about werewolves. Now in the stories Edward is the cold aloof one and Jacob is the “hottie.” There are Edward people and Jacob people.

Are these books any different than the Lord of the Rings trilogy? Maybe in that movies adapted from them have appeared on the screen while they were still being written. My husband and I read to our son every night before he went to bed, a down time from television. As he grew the books got bigger and longer. When he was in the sixth grade we started with The Hobbit and read through to the Restoration of the King. He read every third chapter. Then so that he would understand the cultural memory that they came from, we read Beowulf. He claimed that Tolkien had stolen the story line. Try arguing with a thirteen year old, Tolkien stole the story line! One more time Beowulf lost.

All of these popular series show is that in our tech-driven society there is greater and greater need for fantasy. Where “real” isn’t hard wired. We have a greater need for play. J. K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer have certainly filled a need for us. "

I love old people, dancing

I love me some old people, especially when they are dancing. I've send this numerous time and posted a number of videos that just make me soooo happy. This one is great, because this old dude with his popped collar is busting out some major moves to The lady whilst some young douches are trying to imitate him. Nice try dude, you just can't match this guy:



That man is going to give himself a heart attack!!! Go, go, GO!!!