fun weekend o' DC

So I've already blogged about my first night in DC last weekend with my amazing friends/gay husbands. This was a epic weekend of goodness, renewing friendships and making new friends, which closely rivals that amazing weekend in Austin last fall. Perhaps it was the random singing of the "I'm on a boat" song with my flippy floppies that made me think of TX.....

This weekend had enough drinking it was as if we were punishing my liver. Bad liver, bad. It was one of those times where we didn't have any real plans, but ended up playing everything by ear and walking around the city. We would be walking and then see a patio, some vodka, and just have to stop to laugh our balls off. Case and point, here's an icey cold frosty one for you:



After that Friday night chili bowl, which I heard led to massive amounts of explosive number twos early that morning, we ended up at Arlington Cemetery. I've walked through here many times but nothing like the experience with all the Cherry Blossoms. We saw Teddy Kennedy's gravestone and changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown. It was so pretty out, you know besides the great big ball of death in the sky, and so we had to experience it all.

PS, momma B thinks this photo could be entered in the county fair!

On Sunday we were walking around the tidal basin enjoying all the humanity and pretty trees, when we got stuck in traffic. We were watching some helicopters around the white house and whilst walking we got stopped by some bossy po po on horses telling everyone to "BACK UP ONE STEP" from the curb. Turns out the big BO (Obama, baby) drove right by us on his way back from Easter morning church. Well HOT DAMN, we were a good 10 feet from the sezy BO, which in my mind is close enough to brag that I got a good reach around. I immediately started texting all my friends, and apparently I'm predictable as shit, because everyone responded asking "did you give him a reach around?" Why, yes, yes I did! Soooo, here is his fancy car which was preceded by motorcycles and followed by cars with guns. Hottttt!!! Just as a FYI, that was the way I traveled back to Cville too....guns and dikes on bikes.



Later on Sunday, we did an activity which I had been waiting a lifetime for and is on my bucket list of things to do before I die (that, a tattoo and skydiving). Yep, that is right all you LL Spot readers, we rented some SEGWAYS!!!! Bitchin, I know. My goal was to get them some-bitches up to a wicked 2 MPH and pop a wheely. Turns out I was a little scared of the two-wheel machine of death. Well you can't really control it, instead you just have to lean forward or backwards to move. Sort of freaked me out. And, like an idiot, I wore flippy floppies which meant I couldn't control the damn Segway as nicely. I ended up spitting one of my toe's webbing (ya know, like it rips right at the base of the bottom of your toe). Sweet. Feels really good. But here we are in front of the WH (PS, J, you look like a nerd with your thumbs up!):



BUT besides the point, we were segway heros. We zoomed around the district and all the monuments. We made friends, we screwed around, and we laughed our balls off. Seriously, good times. For example, we stopped in front of the Washington Monument and got a couple good photo opts. In this picture, my big fat ass is holding up the penis shaped national monument. It was hard work, but someone needs to make sure it stays erect :)



Also here is a couple of highlights of the things I learned last weekend:

• I need to be dating someone with some massive "sausage fingers." Who knew that sausage fingers were the new feature to look for in a partner. OK I'm on it...
• Massive amounts of fried food for 3 days straight makes my body reject me and I shit for about 4 days afterwards. Seriously, I've never had so much onion rings and cheese topped french fries in my life.
  
• You can order booze at all hours of the day...11 PM at Thai restaurants and 9 AM at organic farmers breakfast restaurants.
• My gay husbands don't look or act "gay" enough because Melanie and I were mistaken for their wives. I got J because he is tall and we always end up sitting next to each other.
• People with iPhones are addicted to their damn phones and would rather make out with them than with me.
  
• Being able to instantaneously update your facebook status at all hours of the day doesn't make you cool. Sorry K....you really should just marry that device and get a room.
• Despite my best efforts I couldn't convince J and K to get married in the district, since it is now officially legal. I TOTALLY would have been a witness.
  
• I put on my beard and patronaged a number of gay bars. I forgot how the entertainment at these types of bars are typically Broadway show tunes, so I had a good time singing to the Sound of Music whilst drinking more vodka.

THANKS for an amazingly fun weekend!!! Truly, I miss you all and love you very much. xoxoxox