the epic beach trip review

(reminder: JB empty your bladder before reading!)
(note: click images for larger view)

Last fall in Texasssss, we started planning the next girls week/end fall trip away and 365+ days later we got some stories.....

As I mentioned previously, the fall vacation week began with a little Marine marathon in DC. Shortly after we got JB iced down and feed, we strapped her and her 75 pound suitcase to the plastic pinto for our drive south to the OBX of NC. This road trip was reminiscent of those drunken college trips through MN in that amazing burnt grass colored plastic beast--still running on fumes! For 7 days, we rented a beach house and had an amazing 4-some of fun and relaxation:



So the drive was pretty eventful and started the week off in typical LL fashion. We stopped for gas outside of Richmond and to buy chocolate milk (what are we 12?). I was pre-occupied with JB not being able to walk that I forgot to take out the gas hose from my car, and we pulled away.....can you guess it?....we heard a pop, a thud? a crunch? OK, we heard a noise which made me stop and apparently give Helga a face of honest surprise (which she claims she has never genuinely seen on my face) as I glanced in my side mirror. That's right, I drove away with the hose in my car, ripping it out of the pump/station. What happened next resulted in these one-liners and amazing after photo:

• To the attendant: "We mayyyy have had a mishap on pump 7"
• An LL reflection: "There is a procedure here, and I missed a very important step"
  

Once we got to the beach house we basked in the glory of 4 stories, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms (including the tree house toilet on the 4 1/2 floor), and 4 patios (which were later coined for certain activities that occurred frequently on them). The houses in OBX are all huge and amazing. Our landlord's name was Han and we had to call him a number of times throughout the week (one of which was NOT because of the humping on the pool table). Long story short, we started calling him "Hanzy-boy" and him and I may or may not have had an affair (or at least a good reach around). As I mentioned before, our normal routine consisted of sleeping in, drinking coffee, watching SITC or Top Model, and leaving the house by 2 PM for an activity.

Typical vacation activities included daily trips to the beach, which was often difficult considering we would freeze our balls off. Despite the cold, the wet, the cloudy, we had some beach fun.....and beach fun is not beach fun without: yoga, sand art (which mayyyy be dirty), and humping:



Helga had her large heart set on going shelling on every damn beach in NC, so we took some road trips. We got crabs at Dicks, got honked at by construction workers, rode in a helicopter (the black hawk down moves were great until JB almost puked), and we saw some lighthouses. On these daily adventures, we also answered the age old question: Can white girls jump? Two-parter....can a group of white girls jump? Turns out, Helga is the only one who can really get some air:



One important theme that kept cropping up was those damn AT&T commercials--more bars in more places. Case and point, the middle picture of us jumping and many of the 4-some pictures above. Or maybe it is just because I'm a giant? Guess that is a valid hypothesis as well.

Speaking of lighthouses, we had to do some of the classic LL phallic statue/monument photos. Over the years, I've held it up with my butt, with fingers, and with both a bootie and hands. Now we were able to apply the same principles to a lighthouse:



So after our outings, we typically relaxed around the kick ass beach house. We had a hot tub and a heated pool, which we were in every single day despite the tundra-ish temperatures. At our house we also did some cooking and alot of drinking. Of these attempts were those damn pumpkin/butterscotch cookies. We ate the entire batch in 2 hours, and shared them romantically:



Don't laugh or it will shoot powdered sugar! Don't breath or you'll inhale powdered sugar! Well this picture accurately reminds me of the Lady and the Tramp famous scene. Can you guess which one is the tramp??? Just kidding :)

Of course a girls week away would not be complete without some dance parties and bar stories. Don't worry, we had DJ Bruce to spin our favorite jams, including when I toot it, smoot it, poot it, and then boot it. I'm not posting any more photos from the dance parties because T is sweating balls, JB is with boys in a dark corner, Helga is breaking beer bottles, and some black dude is on the girls.

I was so thankful and grateful to have all my best friends on vacation. These are the people I love, that get me, and that have been there throughout all the good and bad times. It was amazing to have all my loved ones in one single place. TY. Here are the final highlights:

• We made friends with all the locals at all the bars. Luckily we picked the right bars and were able to witness a real bar brawl. Here's what went down: 1) I buy Helga a beer, 2) Some big black dude start pounding on another dude, 3) Helga's bottle goes flying and shatters, 4) Some short dude tries to rescue her and place himself in front, 5) Lights on, party over, where's Jilly Bean?
• During two nights out and two different bars, JB would clear the space, run towards the bouncer, and then jump into his arms straddling him. He, luckily for the rest of us, was smart enough to make sure she cleared the ceiling and door frame before allowing the jumps.
• We had 3 gigantic bowls of fruit on the counter make me insanely happy.
  
• Learning my ABCs in the heated pool because JB dropped the phone book in the water. I kept pulling out letters and addresses...."I got the P's!!!"
• We also learned about our vowels (oooo, aaaa, eeee) while making JB listen to this amazing hipster music. Reminded Helga and I of when I rent boxy cars and ask "did he just say lasso?"
  
• Burrs were everywhere! I think the pickers are still in my feet.
  
• There was so much classic rock and 80's music in my life that week that I am truly set for the rest of the year. We saw a live cover band, but I can't dance to 80's rock unless it is this song. JB, on the other hand, runs around the dance floor with moves I would venture to guess are not considered dancing either.
• Dollar Store runs to replace damaged goods in the beach house....when plastic bowls melt on the stovetop and when beach balls attack wine glasses by the pool!
  
• I also ate enough sweets to last me a year. I've never had so many cookies, and ice cream, and short cake, and key lime pie, and more cookies in my life.
• Do we need another salt-water-taffy run?
  
• We were amazing beach bums layered with 4 sweatshirts, which we coined hobo chic.
• JB got her one floor in the beach house to herself for her "male visitors/boyfriends" and because she has some major post-race gas. Agreed, that place needed an elevator!
  
• JB and I swam in the 40 degree ocean and reenacted some Baywatch scenes with our lifeguard wakeboards.
• We witnessed amazing sunrises and sets.
• OBX ghetto pedis suck my balls....or the sand ruins pedis.
• Beach ball and noodle creative contests in the heated pool....human whirlpool?
• JB has a flashlight that straps around her head, which she would use to find the hot tub in the dark while in a bikini--I'll admit, that thing came in handy more than once!
  

What else am I missing? That was the best $200 for a week beach house I've ever spent!

Till next year bitches!!!!