worse. dad. ever

Sure, your father played catch and went to your school plays, but he also thought Grey Goose was too expensive for your undeveloped palette. Poppa B taught me all about meat but not so much about what booze infused beverage I could compliment it with.

Sooo let's hand that "World's Best Dad" mug over to this guy:

best t-shirt ever

True statement:

hey girl, I don't give a shit

Well I had a hellish, yet fun week. I was to work by 7 AM everyday and drunk by 8 PM most nights. Apparently I've been working and playing pretty hard lately. This week, I spent some quality time with my girls where we constantly quoted 3 things which will make you laugh and stick in your head:

Number 1:

That stupid LMFAO song. All they're songs are stupid but soooo damn catchy (including the rock anthem). Now this one is my ringer that says "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle...I work out". Yesterday we were tailgating at the UVA game and it went off, and everyone was like what the hell is that. Wiggle, wiggle:



I work out. No fo real, I do. Yeah and I'm sexy and I know it.

Number 2:

I've been watching those wild animal shows lately. Not through cable television or with any factual base, but through one of my new favorite gay guys. Yep his name is Randell and he is an internets viral sensation. For example, check out this informational video about Honey Badgers:



So what is in my head, "Honey badgers, they don't give a shit". Nastyass honey badgers. What a badass, they just don't care. (I'm going to keep replying to you using these lovely new Honey Badger inspired saying).

Wow, I really like Randell. If you haven't already, you should totally subscribe to his YouTube channel and see what else he narrates (to classical music). For example, check out the Jesus Lizard.

Number 3:

While hanging out, B kept saying "hey girl" and I was like, that's from another viral video. Turns out we could quote the whole damn thing. Posted this a couple months ago after my gay husband was here for a visit, because it reminded me of his fierceness:



LOVES this. Could watch it, quote it, and love on it all damn day. All this week, Nik and I would laugh to this before going to bed:

• HEY GIRL! Hey girl.
  
• Nice try hoe
• But special, remember I'm special
• Rude...
• I can hear you bitches
• That's how you do it, bitch
• It's like pretty n' pink but the dress looked good

Now let's pull my fun week together into one phrase: "Hey girl, I work out, I don't give a shit"

let's talk social trends

Sorry ya'll I'm a little behind in updating you on current social trends. There has been a number of social experiences that have been making their way around the internets this summer, some of which are still happening while others are on their way out.

Case and point number one, Planking. This where people pretend to lay across things...the laying down game, the make-yourself-look-like-a-plank game. This fad can be very fun if you have an inventive partner. Please don't hurt yourself like this chick...important to make sure your planking equipment is secured to the ground.

You need to get on this fad a-sap, because if you didn't know already, Hugh Hefner the 90 year old stud is wayyyy ahead of you. Earlier this summer he posted this picture of him and all the blogosphere was worried that perhaps he died. Nope! He is just up for all things young and new (pun intended):



OK well this is not the best example of planking, but for an old man, it's not so bad. Check out this site for all the best planking examples. There are some really good ones there, including in the air, under water, and in some pretty impossible positions. I loves it.

Case and point number two, now on to the more current trends. I just read the other day that Stocking is the new Planking. That's right folks. We have moved on to Stocking. What is this, you ask? Well you know those website where you can purchase stock photos that have been fully consented with rights purchased. We use these sites all the time for kid pictures on our work websites, as well as for Mr. Meat Man's website.

Stocking is when you recreate and pose like these photos. Check out this tumblr for some examples. Or here are a couple of my favorites:

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My sentiments exactly. I don't like work nor bananananas. I couldn't have pictorially recreated this better.

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Brace yourself....to catch air!!!! Or maybe the holy spirit. Or maybe you're singing, extreme gesturing? Who the hell knows. But I dig it either way.

Who comes up with these photo stock ideas? They were bound to be mocked by the internets.

the special K family is growing

Well I can't get over the new Hollywood family, who I coin the Special K's, is staying relevant. People just aren't getting sick of them like I thought they would 6 years later!

Years ago Kim Kardashian came on the scene as a fashion shopper for celebutantes, then she made a sex tape with Brandy's brother that "leaked" and she was here to stay. The same year her sex tape leaked, her family started their "reality" show KUWTK. The kids have branched off and had their own shows as well, providing further evidence this family is just raking in money.

This family and the "K's". I swear. Most of the children, like 20 of them, have names that start with K's (kim, kourtney, khloe, kylie, kendell, kris, KILL ME NOW). Then of all the irony, Kim finds a guy who's name also starts with a K! Insert Kris Humphries, a MN native.

Kris went to the UMN when I was there, and he wasn't known as the smartest guy around. Granted he was a talented athlete from the Twin Cities area, and our basketball team really sucked. I mean most UMN teams make it hard from you to be a die hard fan....you got to really really want it because they're going to put up a fight. But I remember this guy blundering around campus, and staring off into space.

Fast forward years later, Kris now plays for the NBA which makes him the perfect mark for all jersey chasers. And he is perfect for the Special K family because his name starts with a K! It's a match made in heaven. Apparently Kim loves Minnesotans and our hanging on to "oooo" while she chills on Lake Minnetokan with her hubby.

So after some courtship, Kris proposes to Kim which just aired on their KUWTK show. Check out this romantical proposal, full of cameras and lighting from the E! crew:



Just that first minute made me cringe! I mean how long did he sit there on his knee. I felt awkward for you, Kris. Fixing his shirt, just hanging out on one of his prayer bones. For reals. At least he knew on how to spell out his proposal in the rose pedals, otherwise he could have been like this dumbass:



And the kicker is Kim comes in and won't say anything until she sees the ring. As soon as it is apparent it is 40 carat, she says yes. Phhhh!

So the wedding happened and apparently the couple MADE over 15 MILLION dollars for getting married. Holy balls, they got everything free and got paid for selling the entire experience to E! and other companies (like the cake maker). How is that possible? Most couples go into debt!

I don't think this family is stupid. They are smart business people and anyone arguing differently should look at the longevity and gross income. They have outlived the Osbourne's and their reality show, as well as Gene Simmon's Family Jewels. There is something about all 20 of them, somewhere between dysfunctional and strong family based.

happenings around LL

Soooo here is a composite LL report for all you avid LLspot readers who have been mcnagging me:

• I have driven over 2000 miles in the last 30 some days living the dream, straight out of suitcases. I've been all over VA, NC, MD, and DC between work, the beach vacation, the wedding, and LFA. I have been working out the plastic pinto, getting her on the open road, stretching out her legs, and I almost (almost) took an extreme right when seeing this sign.
• I have been a slight coffee/caffeine'o holic lately. This AM I had an early morning slice-of-fatty-hyperloaded-energy-juice with the big G, and I swear this was my cup'o coffee. I thought "wowsa, I should come here more often." Only kidding, I'm totally focusing on work lately (insert sass).
  
• Apparently Quidditich (the JK-HP-magician sporting game) might become an NCAA sport. I love me some HP but how is the whole broom flying thing going to work??? This is going to lead to alot of pictures of boys standing around on a field with wooden brooms between their legs. You heard it hear first.
  
• Mr. and Mrs. Bling Bling (formerly A & M or M & A, depending on your allegiance) is to blame for this god damn song being stuck in my head the last week. Totally your fault.
• My life has been ruled by classic / 80s rock lately (seen 2 live 80's rock bands in the last 2 weeks which is more than I have my entire life), and I think I mayyyy have to start playing more Christmas music this weekend. Everyone stay away from me the next two weeks, I'm going into hibernation mode.
• My gay husbands and I had a string of emails recently about this amazing product which could keep all those midwestern men warm. Check out the tagline....now that is some rhythmic telemarketing brilliance.
• Also along the midwestern and slightly inappropriate line, my sammy sam sent me a link about a new modeling craze. Fortunately, I will not be participating in this event anywhere in near future (see how I'm leaving a slight "out" just in case when I'm 40+ and knocked up, it mayyy be a possibility).
  

starsucks sucking me in

Well the last two days have been ripe with work stress in the world of LL, and nothing makes me all warm and fuzzy inside like a Pumpkin/fall spiced latte. As I've mentioned previously, I'm ready and willing for the season of fall to come and rock my world. In preparation for cooler weather, I like to walk around naked more (nakeville, population of 1) and wear sweatshirts and frolic in the leaves and drink fall spiced caffeine drinks.

I've been to two of my favorite locally owned coffee shops recently and had to talk the bar chick through how to fall spice up my life. The only place I can get a good pumpkin spice cup of crap is Starsucks. And we all know how I truly feel about the Seattle corporation--I heart my favorite fish throwing city but tend to support small local businesses more. Starsucks, totally sucking me in. So here's hoping that some places get their pumpkin spice up and running, and soon!