the SNL sketch you didn't see

Well JT and The Lady rocked it out this weekend on SNL. Actually it was a historical season finale, which I enjoyed. Too bad this sketch got cut:

music of the moment

I really like the Zac Brown Band. I saw them perform last summer and they bought down the damn house. I'm not kidding, they ended with Rage Against the Machine and it knocked my socks off. The lead singer used to live in Carrollton, GA where I spent an entire summer. The band's new album is called "You get what you give" and they made this amazing t-shirts about giving back. I like it.

Anyways, their new song gets me every time:

meat inspired art

Well I'm a meat fan (it kind of runs in my blood) and I like art. So imagine my excitement when I found the Van Goph of Bacon!!! This is a way for you to fuse your f/phattie breakfast with some learning (and then go cut off your ear, or rearrange your face, or sleep with lots of women? OK I can't keep the famous artists straight). These meat art folks give you a step by step guide to creating this Starry Night masterpiece, and provide some helpful/interesting meat facts along the way.

For example, did you know that raw bacon is a moisturizer? I have no idea if this is true or not but I can ask during the next rental conference call (that is, if they aren't tooooo busy). I think despite the validity of this claim, we should just start inviting women do this. I don't care if you are vegetarian or vegan, let's all return some natural moisture to your face via pork products!

So if you want to try a Van Goph here's what it should look like:

Kind of reminds of the posters college kids buy for their dorm rooms. Instead of the real Starry night, this would be what all those tight jeans, cowboy hat topped, and spur wearing Meat Science students are posting on their walls. Bound to attract all the girls to your yard!

PS, this also may be inspiring me to try that meat explosion....

It's a new gay, hip MN

Well Minneapolis is one of my favorite, all time, cities in the world. And although it has been awhile since I lived there, I started noticing these new trends back in the early 2000's. Recent news highlights two new trends, increases in:

1. Hipsters
2. Gays

Apparently, MN has taken the lead in hipsters (and for the record I've had to explain what this term means to more people than I'm comfortable with--pop culture people, keep up), overcoming all time leader of greater NYC. Brooklyn and the Bronx has been known for their dark rimmed glasses, tight jeans, alternative music, independent thinking and general vegetarian. Well good work MN is taking the top spot. Who know you were so progressive (although I do remember saying to Helga a time or two "fucking hipsters!" when we would be out as concerts).

I think they make a good case for MN, with our stupid flannel shirts (I really REALLY hate flannel shirts--just kill me now), farmer's markets, a-mazing music scene, and self-propelled tendencies (no need to tie up your pant leg from your bike chain, you're already wearing tight pants). And not surprisingly, Portland is definitely a close third. And for that matter, Cville might also be right up there in our hipster tendencies as well. Actually, we are alittle more east coast douchey than hipstery.

OK so we know MN is hip, but apparently they are also now gayer than CA! And let me tell you, that isn't an easy thing to do with all the donkeys and in general the big bright rainbow over San Fran:

The Daily Show - Minneapolis Is the New Gay
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

So I've known MN was gay, and definitely getting gayer. My gay husband lives in MN and I love him very much. 8 years ago I was his beard and would go to more gay bars than straight ones! We had a great time dancing for hours, hot tubing, and singing show tunes. Good times. Gay, yes we all knew that in MN.

let's call our friends

This one is for all the up and coming parents out there (I'm talking you, R). If I was a new parent, these are the things I would try to do with all those annoying toys. Here are some things you need to know as a new parent:

• The big side of the diaper goes in the back
• Don't over heat the bottle
• Never toss or lift children over your head (they will also puke on you)
• Sleep whenever you can
  
• And this, dial 3-6-9 for laughter:

Holy balls I enjoyed that. I've been watching it over and over and over, and giggling.

Yep, I'm going to be a great parent....

picture of the day in WA

Wow this totally blows my mind. You know how most beaches have drift wood that washes up on shore? Yeah this happens, but typically the wood is small, light and water logged. Well with the Tsunami this year, the West Coast has apparently been hit hard with drift wood on the coastal beaches. Yeah I'm not kidding. This isn't your normal drift wood type of year--and trust me, this picture is fo reals.

Case and point, check out what washed up on the shore in the Olympic Peninsula in WA state. Specifically, La Push WA, the now historic site of the Twilight movies. Holy balls, this is huge and unbelievable and beautiful all at once. I think this is just a-mazing:

time to spare at the airport?

Djokovic just can't catch a break

Man, some tennis stars will just knock your socks off. Seriously, these guys are freaks of an athletic nature! Poor Djokovic is always losing to the guys who can return serves via their legs, or by jumping 40 feet in the air. I'm just happy when I can hit the ball over the net, no less through spectacular and nearly impossible moves.

Case and point #1, last year's match with Federererer:



Case and point #2, the recent match with Nadal:



As an added note, in 2004 I saw both Federererer and Nadal play each other on the small courts at Wimbledon in England. It was a Sunday rain delay make-up game. Roger wasn't quite the ladies man yet, and neither of them were as famous. It was still pretty exciting and intense. Also, that day I chased down Martina Navratilova for her autograph whilst elbowing a number of small children in the process. Pimms cups for everyone!!!

annnnd he can represent me!

Guess who is gracing the cover of Men's Health mag this month? Congressman Aaron Schock that is, from Lincoln's great state of Illinois. If all the women in that district aren't already on board with this eye candy, they will be after this cover! Of course this guy is from the midwest, this is how we breed them up there. Wowsa. Smokin hot. Is it inappropriate for me to keep making comments about his abs, about how he can draft all kind of policies on me, about dirty ways of filibustering?? OK, not even good puns but you get my sexy point.

Also, is Men's Health mag sort of like a women's Playboy? Should I read it for the articles but really just look at the pictures? Because I may just have to pick myself up a copy, or two, or three, if this is the type of art I can expect:



You got my vote. Now let's figure out where Tommy P is and team you two up!

PS, is anyone else recalling that classic SITC scene about voting only for sexy politicos? "No one would screw Nixon, so he screwed everybody!"

the new "I'm on a boat"

Well I'm a big fan of SNL's digital shorts, and one of my favorites is "I'm on a Boat" bitches (with my flippy floppies). I've been singing this song anytime I go can-hooing for years, circa 2005. Who doesn't love to can-hoo? (explanation of LL-ism=Helga and my version of canoeing) If I'm on a floatation device of some kind, I tend to yell out "I'M ON A BOAT, I'm on a mother-fing boat!!!" This occurred for an entire day straight during that legendary trip to Austin.

Other notable digital shorts besides my all time favorite include "dick in a box" and "motherlover" (or you can check them all out here). Well SNL had a new one that premiered last weekend, which unfortunately did not have T-Pain in it. Instead we got that no talent ass-clown/hat Mr. Bolton. I'll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman". (LL xoxo points if you can name the movie).

Mikey B brought his sexy, post-desperate-housewives-wife, self to sing about pirates. Well that was unexpected, yet strangely satisfying. He even dresses up like a pirate in between the bouts of raps. Good work SNL and Mr. Bolton, and way to overly plug the 4th Pirates movie coming out later this month:



PS, I f-ed a mermaid.

you may need a new color of tights

OK it is official, you probably shouldn't wear nude tights! I swear I would have died if I saw this in Lowes. I'd be whipping my head back and forth, rubber-necking in a state of shock. It took me a minute to realize what was happening here, and that was in a picture. Considering you are the cashier, I guess that whole "no shirt, no shoes, no service" thing doesn't really apply:

wowsa, way to multi-task

Well here a video of the dad of the year that can single-handedly catch a fly baseball with his bare hands whilst holding his daughter! Damn, what a multi-tasker. I would be even more impressed if he could do it whilst also drinking a beer, or eating a hot dog, or cracking open some peanuts. I bet this dude get TONS of shit done around the house, taking out the garbage while mowing the lawn while BBQing. Fist bumps all around:



Check out the mother behind him who is absolutely stunned!

dirty chruch signs

Thanks to Mrs. Bling for this little hump day fun (couple weeks ago). These churches, of all denominations, had some unintentional dirty-ness in their front yard signs. These houses of worship need some proofreaders for their telemarketing messages, because they just don't see what I see. For example, thank you seventh-day adventist church for this sign that is most applicable for the women of the congregation:



And here is one I'm not entirely sure about, church name and signage message:

not sure you heard, there was a royal wedding

So last Friday, not sure if you heard this, but a big royal wedding happened in London. Apparently over 2 million (insert evil pinky finger to the chin) people in the US watched and give more than two shits about the event--and this was a 4 AM start time EST. This is rivaling the amount of people who take the day off for the opening night of the Twilight movies. Talk about a serious drain on the economy, that is, if it wasn't for all the damn merchandise.

Despite these epic numbers, some people apparently didn't want to be there. Take this child for example....clearly forced to be present and not happy about it. Always a bridesmaid, never a princess. Tell me about, story of my life:



Well the fashion was amazing, as expected. Kate wore the McQueen infused dress that was both classic and modern. Nice work. Although I would have enjoyed more "gaga" inspiration. Also noteworthy were the hats, ohhhh the **womanity of british hats. I really wish those hats were an American tradition because I would totally rock out with some wirey feathered thing protruding from my melon. Seriously sexy.

Speaking of fashion, I couldn't help but notice that the Queen looked a little like JC minus the green eye shadow:



Yes the likeness is uncanny. SMOKIN!!!

The wedding went off without a hitch, and what I enjoyed the most is that it was personalized for the couple. Despite the news coverage and epic traditions, they seemed to squeak in some personal touches that was just for them. They looked so happy. Not forced or uncomfortable. I really liked this. However, it should be noted that there is no way in hell that my wedding will not have beer, even if some people think it is not "classy" enough (I say beer for everyone).

Also, THANK GOD the big BO announced the death of Bin Laden this week and not last, otherwise we would have had no wedding coverage. 10-yr-most-wanted-terrorist-killed VS. once-every-30-years-royal-wedding. Wonder who would have own the battle for the front page?

**That is for you, M & T. You're welcome.

we may need some remodeling in the Sit room

So unless you've been living in a a hole, which ironically was the opposite of where they found him, Bin Laden has been killed and the confirmation announcement came late on Sunday night. It interrupted the Celebrity Apprentice, which caused all kinds of horror, and on top of it BO kept everyone waiting while the news outlets took about 90 minutes of our lives with their top tiered "journalism". But this was good, right? I mean, I am happy not to have children where explanations of death/murder are considered good things.

BUT in the wake of the news, the WH has released some photos and one is particularly disturbing yet noteworthy of some LL comments:

• Is this the Sit room or a sardine can? Seriously, BO barely has a seat!
• Shouldn't BO be at the head of the table? Or maybe I've watched too many episodes of the West Wing.
  
• Is anyone else concerned about the 12-yr-old peaking her head in the back? Yeah maybe she doesn't have clearance, considering she hasn't graduated from HS yet.
  
• I just spotted Waldo.
  
• We definitely need some remodeling done in the Sit Room where we can at least have a bigger table and chairs for everyone. Where are the TV screens? And are those computers from the 90s? Just wondering.

Also, this weekend was the typically-funny Correspondence Dinner in DC. One joke was particularly interesting now knowing this announcement. Check this video clip and BO's knowing face--a little too much smile of a guy who knew something we didn't. Love it:

I cannot stop

listening to this new Adele song. I love her, always have. She is so soulful and an amazing British artist. You can here this song on her new album, which is just as good (or better) than her debut. This song has been playing on repeat in my head: