the looney toons get drunk

Who know they make cartoons like this....boy this wayyyy more up my alley.....



Friday, just don't drink and drive.

music of the moment

I'm all about the new music these days....lovin the Noisettes....loving her hair (makes me jealous):

music of the moment

Zee Avi is a new singer/songwriter hot on the scene...just downloaded her debut/new album:

your next license photo = your next prison photo

I have this pet peeve when people don't smile is photos....even if you can't smile (like my ma) you should still give it a good effort! I mean, when you don't smile it looks like a prison photo. It looks like your mugshot....or your football picture. You know all those cocky football players who don't smile and tilt their head sideways in the game programs...they would be much cuter if they just smiled!

Well to my dismay, 4 states have already passed "no-smile" policies for their state DMVs!!!! What the hell is this? Because smiling makes you look different??? Are you kidding me? And what chaps my balls even more is that VA is one of the 4 states who are now smile haters.

The irony of this is that Jill and I can no longer take the "naked" license photo. Both her and I wore tub tops and took photos that looked like we were naked 5-8 years ago. It was great! They were the best conversation starters at the bar. Well hells bells I won't be able to be "naked" in VA or smile.....bastards. Might as well put my mugshot on my license.

trimming the bush to make the tree look taller

Who knew that Gillette provided extensive "how to's" for men and their shaving? Listen folks it is no long all about just shaving your face, metrosexuals/heterosexuals/ubersexuals all need to man-scape their business down. We (and I'm speaking for the entire race of women here) don't want any hairy beasts running around.

So Gillette is here to help, check this out:



Mohahhaha. This is great. Helga and I would like to translate this "how to" guidelines for all you gentlement:

1. "no underbush makes your tree look taller" = you should man-scape a little because you will look bigger.
   
2. "think about unique typological features under your hood" = you have balls, be careful.
3. "don't put your equipment at risk" = only do this when not drunk.
   
4. "be adventurous and have fun" = go have some sex now.
   

I have a garden!

I'm like a non-criminal martha facher with my mad gardening skillz. A couple weeks ago I got all green thumb-ish and planted 2 cucs, 1 tomato, and some herbs in a bunch of pots. Well because I gave them so much TLC, they grew like mad!!!! I had to either repot them into bigger pots, or ask my landlords if I could make a garden outside my patio. Well to my surprise I was approved to turn into Martha Facher.

This weekend while Brian was in town, he dug up all that business, built a fence and helped me plant my stuff! I sat on the bed of his truck and drank beer (I was a big help, trust me). But the garden looks great!!!! And its been raining for days, just watering the crap out of the those plants. We are having a slight bug problem, but I'm all over it now with some chemicals. Otherwise here's hoping that the fence keeps out all the critters around my house (I'm giving those cats and George fair warning...I have mace and am not afraid to use it).

Yeah for fresh veggies and herbs....and thanks to Brian (perhaps I'll keep you around for another 10 years)! Ma and Sandra are going to be so proud of me!!!!

world beard champion

World Beard Champion.....I don't think I need to say much more:

won't back down

Prop 8 ruling was upheld today....sad....

thanks for all the well wishes

Thanks to everyone for all the emails, call and well-wishes this weekend! Had a great day and I appreciate all the gifts and love. You all rock. Now let's just move on with things....

:)

big day today

News of the day:

1. CA prop 8 hearing is today....we could know about more by the end of the day. See where there are rallies in your area.
2. It has leaked that BO is going to pick Sonia Sotomayor as his nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court. Like we didn't know it was going to be a women.
   
3. I killed the wasps making nests in my tea lights on my patio this morning....advantage LL.
   
4. It is humid as shit here today and I'm already pittin' out.
   

missed the piedown

Well my friend Steve put together a "piedown" in Cville this weekend where he challenged some of his friends to make the best pies they could...of course this business started getting bigger and badder on the internets....and before we knew it the Cville Mayor was involved and Congressman Periello stopped by. The event was covered by all the local stations too....Sorry to have missed the fun!

Check out the pictures!

highlights from the weekend 'o fun

So here are some great highlights from the birthday weekend 'o fun with Jilly Bean and Brian:

1) We got massages, and I got a little violated by the male masseuse (but I don't want to talk about it)

2) Cake from Chandler's is amazing, but makes JB so high on life she can't sleep!

3) Live music and beer downtown on the pavilion grass leads crepes and margaritas.

4) Jill didn't fart in yoga class.....

5) Brian made me a garden!!!! It has a fence and is amazing! Except the bugs are already eating it, but I'm all over it with some chemicals now


6) Smelly lotion, dumplings, the market, and the rooftop patio are my favorite things on a saturday.

7) Mas tapas, yet another DMB sighting (and he did totally check out JB), and pitchers of sangria make for a great pre-danceathon. Way to shut down the club again friends :)

8) Phattie breakfasts before hiking on the Parkway with wine tasting on the way home....and of course Crozet Pizza with that wicked whole wheat dough.

9) I want to live on Dick Woods Rd. Who knew that road was in Cville....

10) Listening to Brian swear every other sentence because he just couldn't take the JB and LL madness anymore!!!!

11) I laughed so much my neck and cheeks hurt...and I may have peed myself a couple times :)

Thanks for the great great great birthday weekend!!!!!!!!!!

pre-birthday-weekend-jilly bean madness

Jilly bean has arrived with her 50 pound suitcase :) Let the birthday weekend proceed.....

Remember this photo, JB? Yes I'm wearing a stoplight shirt and holding you up....what else is new?????

this sucks

This is just horrible.....basic message: gay marriage will confuse kids. Well if that is how anti-gay marriage folks want to spin it then perhaps we shouldn't have other things that confuse kids, like cancer, research, algebra (I've always been confused by this), foreign languages, and physics. Good point people.....advantage, still people who love each other working towards equality.



We are all now more stupid for having seen that.

MJ already screwing people

So Michael Jackson announced awhile back that they was going to do a series of concerts in London....and I wasn't sure that this business was really going to go down....and lookie look MJ has already rescheduled/canceled shows before the first show even starts! Man, good thing I didn't purchase the billion dollar tickets because that wacko is never going to make it to the stadium, and if he does the show it will suck. Mark my words.

Or he will be on the stage and his nose will fall off again....on second thought that might be interesting!

Octomom porn finally reaching the masses

You have to be living in a hole not to know that some damn hooker in CA got herself turkey basted and knocked up to have her 14th child as a single mother. She is like a poor Angelina Jolie.

Anyways, it was only a matter of time before the porn industry jumped on that businessssss....and they week we heard about the title: Cocktomom! I have speculated on many other potential titles which aren't very appropriate, but just as a teaser, one of my best was MMMMMMMMILF (mohahaha).

Here is the porno cover, brilliant:

the next olmpics...something phelps will enjoy even more

So recently a prototype for the 2010 Winter Olympics torch was recently. And the interests were all a buzz because when turned sideways it looks like a joint! Or in my mind a preggers test...



Michael Phelps could not be reached for comment. But seriously, it’s nice to see that at least the Olympics are not getting worked up about the comparison. I look forward to the 2020 Summer Olympics in Bogotá, Colombia, where their torch will resemble a handheld mirror and razor blade. Nothing brings people together like the Olympics. Except drugs. Obviously.

this shit only happens in Spokane

Blah....

blame it on the ecomony

music of the moment

Been on a BOB kick lately:

only in MI (pt 3)

Teens are sooo bored in MI that when people pass out at parties they light their crotches on fire....seriously?

Not something I want to wake up to :)

partridge family headng for playboy

Sooo rumors have surfaced that Shirley Partridge, the mom from the TV show, is considering posing for Playboy. Don't worry she is 75 years old! The oldest in playboy has only been in their 50s and there has been a number of people who have done it. Shirley's husband says she is still a knockout....wait was she ever a knockout? But I love that her husband still thinks and says she is sexy at that age. I'm not sure Hef is all about women around his age! Typically they are barely legal and not 75.

Would you buy that issue?

tweets from space

Well NASA has done it! Wait...you think I'm talking about something important....nope....but they did figure out how to use Twitter from space, and one of their astronuts sent an orbital tweet! It is our first tweet from space!!!! Gosh I'm so excited about this (insert sass). Since I don't subscribe to twitter, I wonder what it said. Ohhh let me guess please:

1. "I just met Lance Bass"
2. "I can't see earth but there is uranus"
3. "Crap the only CD we brought was Hootie"
4. "The only connection we can make it through Newark"
5. "You're keeping our eye out for that martian that keeps messing with Buggs Bunny"
6. "Actually I didn't go to NASA, I trained at University of Phoenix online"
7. "Man I wish those titles would stop falling off"
   

Damn did I just go over 140 character limit??? I'll have to learn how to limit my language and write more in bad English. I'll work on that at school.

you will have to find your exotic services somewhere else...

Craigslist, where I buy all my furniture, has shut down their "exotic services" section of their website.....this is where all the closeted elephants around the country find back alley services. In MN this is off some country road behind a power building or in the men's bathroom at the Minneapolis airport.

Apparently Craigslist doesn't want to run an internet brothel anymore....suddenly they are of higher standard than what it has been for years. Fine, fine we'll all have to find our exotic services somewhere else!

This maybe difficult for people in Utah.

first streaker on NYC new Citi field

Go METS!!!!

Nice work boys, nice work!



And you should check out the other angles here!!!

I LOVE how people are sooo cheering him on....and the announcer is giving warnings. Best arrest EVER!

employing some reverse psychology

So the Catholic church is taking a new spin on how to handle Dan Brown's books/movies/ideas....during the DaVinci Code they were on the defense and put a ban on people seeing the movie. Well we all know how well that worked....it made about 600 Million worldwide!! Well they must have employed some psychologists since the last movie, because this time around they learned not to ban the movie but instead gave it a good review! This way maybe less people will go see it....

Director, Ron Howard, reported that there was still some drama with the Vatican but that might have only be press.

the damn donald

So the Donald and his hair, showed up for a press conference yesterday in support of his future bride Ms. CA. She started off her reign by switching her causes to support anti-same-sex marriage. Then it came out she had been dating national douche ball, Mr. Phelps. Next some topless photos were released of her. So of course the Donald had to step up his game, host a HUGE press conference, to address this issue:



Really? Donald? "If her beauty wasn't so great no one would care?" Is that why I cared, it was because she was blonde and pretty.....yep Donald, you nailed it.

I couldn't give two shits that she "modeled" topless, because for christ sake she walked about in a string bikini on stage! She practically was already topless during the original show! But of course she is a christian.

I did like how only 2 people chapped at the end.....and I like how she says "I've remained silent on this topic for 3 weeks." Yeah right. I also like when she said "I'm not an activist or anything," well good thing you cleared that up....I like the "or anything" part.

UPDATE:
Here is another great Olbermann commentary---

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things I'm looking forward to over memorial day weekend

Things I'm looking forward to:

1. Massages
2. Hearing Jilly Bean fart either in yoga class or during her massage
3. JB and I yelling and swearing to a point where Brian gets pissed
4. T being in town
5. Good food, good booze and good friends
6. Singing Pocahontas in a wind tunnel
7. Hiking which ends in peeing in the woods
   

Things I'm not looking forward to:

1. JB in a short dress and sex boots dancing at the club
2. Having to make homemade apple sauce
   
3. JB not having a lid for her drink (see #1)
4. Accidently peeing in your shoes when peeing in the woods on a hike
   

Lots of laughter....

gladiators to the big screen

I really don't like that TV show, the Gladiators. It was better back in the day, and the recent remix with Hulk Hogan and all those roid induced actors made me want to puke. Does anyone check the early 90s adolescence one with a fat Ryan Seacrest? Ahhh that is enjoyable.

But unfortunately they can't just stop with the TV show, but have announced plans to make it into a bigscreen movie. What the hell is the plot going to be????? Seriously. This is a bad idea. It that new wolf guy is in it I'll be very upset.

Not the madness. No one cares.

my next gift for you

Some MI designer, now famous from the inauguration, made Aretha's big gray bow of a hat which has since been copycatted. The damn bow wouldn't look good on anyone who was under 300 pounds.... because your accessories need to be proportional to the rest of your body. For example, I can wear big ear rings because I'm tall. And Aretha can wear a 4 foot bow on her head because is about 3.5 feet wide. OK only kidding she is not that wide (but still a nut ball).

Well anyways, lucky for you I'm not buying you the real hat, but the overly priced replica Christmas ornament instead. Can anyone name at what huge, year-around Christmas store in MI these are being sold at??? Yep, Bronners (where I would rather run into oncoming traffic than go there). I'm ordering one for you and your friends. Get excited.

I too have been counting the winkles of my dogs balls

This just made me laugh....gotta love Montana:

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Alpha Dog of the Week - Erik Slye
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dog food vs. pate

And apparently the dog food won! People couldn't tell the difference and preferred the dog food. Who knew? Well if anything is true about this research study, it is probably that the AAME, who are wine economists, know alot about dog food and pate. I mean they give movie reviews in their professional journal!

I'll admit I've tried some pretty wicked awesome dog food in my times...granted it was organic and from Seattle which means it is probably closer to real food than pate is.

9 hours and 58 minutes of...

Those crazy chinese/japanese dudes always are winning contests that I would just like to see more American's win.....

Exhibit 1: That dude to always wins the eating contests, most hot dogs, apple pies, and shit.

Exhibit 2: This dude is the 2009 masturbation champion....yeah 9 hours and 58 minutes straight. Impressive, can't any of my man friends do that????

In these recession times, I'm voting american.

my type of wedding

Heidi Klum and Seal renewed their wedding vows this weekend in a secret white trash wedding. I dressed like this for Halloween one year and you have to admit they completely nailed the white trash theme.....looks and sounds like fun....wonder if they had a hot dog cannon....

wishing I were in London

I am very much wishing I was in London because they are already filming the last HP book!!! Deathly Hallows bitches!!! How exciting is that. Today leaked pictures of them filming on a grassy hill on the coast in England:



And the other day some pictures leaked of the three main characters in Piccadilly Circus (which the brown toned panaramic view is in my office) filming the scene where they have to leave the wedding quickly!!! Ahhh look they are aperating.....

remake of blank in a box

SNL was on form this week.....with a couple good funnies. One notable digit short was the remake of blank in a box:



Here was the original, a classic:

BO tells some funnies

Last night at the correspondence dinner, BO told some good funnies.....and has George's roundtable said this morning, they sizzled but they didn't burn (and this was a good thing). Check out his speech:

1. "In my next hundred days, I will try to lose my cool"
2. "Michelle has the right to bare arms"
3. "Joe will follow the tele-prompters"
4. "S and M are grounded for taking air force one to NYC"

And Wanda Sykes also did a good roast (check out the 7:00 mark):

Happy mother's day

As a tribute to my old lady, in honor of mother's day, here are some of the worse pictures I could find from the last year:

But here is a good one too:
And to the old bat up in MN, happy mother's day to you too:

glass walls in the bathroom

So I hate those fancy ass bathrooms with the glass walls in them.....who thinks that is a good idea????? Case and point, the Breslin Center in EL. Here is a good passive aggressive idea to let people know that we can see you doing your business:

recession times = boob watcher jobs cut

Sooo during these difficult economic times, businesses are having to cut jobs all over the place and Disney World is no different. Remember when you have visited the theme parks and there are body men with all the dressed up figures. You know, Goofy has another person with him just in case some punks try to beat him up. Or when the children are getting too wild, the body men will be like "goofy has to go." YEP, those jobs has been cut! The Disney figures are on there own!

Another job that got the axe is the boob watcher at Flash Moutain. This water ride is known for women "flashing" the camera when going down the big drop, and apparently there has been a job for someone to screen out their photos before they get to purchasing booth. Also people give the figure and show other business. NOT anymore!

So head over to Disney to bug the dressed up figures, and to show the girls on Flash Mountain during this recession!

catholic priest is having relations with....

So there has been a scandal brewing down in Miami about a catholic priest who was caught having "relations" with.......(bet you're thinking it's going to be a little alter boy)......NOPE it is a hot female church member! "Bless me father for I have sinned....with you!"

Yeah he was caught making out with this church lady on a public beach! Crap, at least keep it inside your own home :) But you can't blame him because he is guy and cute and wants to have a life outside of the church.

Do you think it is time for the Catholic church to start consider allowing their priests to have a family???? I think women should also have rights to be leaders in the church, BUT I'm just thinking all these repressed feelings aren't ending well for the catholic church. Might be time for you all to start to consider alternate rules for your congregations and your leaders. Enter the 21st century.

despite lupus

My friend and fellow Lupus support group attendee, has been working on a book about her experiences with Lupus. I'm happy to announce that she is getting it published! She is accepting pre-orders, getting reviews from people, and it will be on the shelves soon...Congrats Sara!

LL Vroom

Sooo I have mentioned previously that I ordered a new license plate for my plastic pinto and it has arrived. I got the new plate on the burnt grass colored machine.....and it looks great!!!! I'm not nearly as cool as those FL people who can have Jesus on their plates, but I still rock:

It is just soooo sexy!!! Vroom Vroom Vroom with all 2 of my cyclinders.....GO GO GO plastic pinto.

And for the record, for all the haters out there, Vroom mean fast car engine. So suck it.

world lupus day

Who the hell knew this was happening this weekend:

BO grabs a burger

So BO and good 'ole Joe headed out of the WH and into Arlington yesterday for a quick burger lunch. They went to Ray's Hell burger and tipped them $5. And BO, like most of his speeches, was slow as shit ordering.....who orders WELL DONE in a burger joint??? Hells bells it should be a little bloody if it's from hell :)

porn star to run for senate seat

Al, Arnold and now Stormy....

a new addiction: figure skating

I've decided that my new addiction is finding CRAZY videos of figure skaters. This shit just cracks me up.

Exhibit 1:



Alright, send me your exhibits......or post in comments.

lending my voice to the rainforests

LL, researcher, lover of all animals but cats, pirate at heart, and advocate:

a good price is right

music of the moment

New Adele, lovin it:

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

happy cinco de mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!!

I was not a Spanish or History major, so it shouldn't be a surprise that I just learned that Cinco de Mayo is celebrating when Mexico beat France 150 years ago (no offense, but I like it when anyone beats France). This is not just another holiday where adults get to drink (you know this day and St. Patty's Day, really? who knows the background of St. Patty's day either) and be stupid. Sooooo in honor of those brave Mexican fighters 150 years ago....I'm throwing a faijittta party to drink margaritas!!!! Wahoooo. I'll have a shot of tequila to celebrate your accomplishments.

BO celebrated Cinco de Mayo early, and gave the following speach.

Remember friends, tonight whoever wears a sombrero or has maracas gets a gold star or an extra shot of tequila!

my new crush

So I'm officially announcing my new crush.....in the past it's been Clive Owen, Matthew McConaughey, and Gerald Butler.....but now let's all fantasize about Reggie Love, BO's personal assistant.

This sezy 6+ foot man played BOTH football and basketball at Duke University, and was recruited by the NFL, BUT because he is both sezy and smart, he got a job for an up-and-coming senator fro IL. Yeah he interviewed for one position and was given a completely different one (what is this...right out of the script of West Wing????). Forunately, that senator was BO who went out to run for President of the free world, and now my crush is what is called the "body man" (yes yes he has a great body) or personal assistant. Reggies shoots hoops with BO every week. That is so hot!

My eyes will be following you from now on Reggie baby:

music of the moment

scarey video in TX

So some scarey business went down in TX this weekend with a thunderstorm and a tent that the Cowboys were practicing under. 8 people were seriously injured, and here is some video:

don't sneeze on me

angels and demons drama

So it is now May and we will be officially entering the summer blockbuster movie season....it started this weekend with Wolverine, which I'm super sad I missed (insert sass). And as you know I'm always tracking other favorite summer movies.....and Angels and Demons is one of them. Turns out that Ron Howard has filed some complaints about the Vatican interfering or not cooperating with the production of the movie.

Well hells bells did you think the Pope himself was going to attend? Or hand out free tickets??? OF COURSE they don't like you filming....the movie doesn't exactly put the Catholic church in a good light (although Dan's writing is FICTION), and frankly I'm used to the Catholic church putting themselves in bad lights all by themselves the last 5 years.

I will be going to see that movie, and may need to read the book again before the release!

flat stanly

So a month ago Flat Stanly tagged along to Denver with us for the SRCD conference....and now I find out that sezy bitch has a blog from his adventures in VA!!!! This was a classroom project for some elementary students, who send this little paper man all over the place.

I just had no idea that Stanly learned some yoga!

bringing everyone together

We need to do more things like this in the US:

still supporting opposite marriage

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world beer festival = much fun

YEAH!!! I'm off today to one of the Carolina's (again just for you M and A) to put my money into their economy in the form of some good beer! Yessss. The World Beer Festival is this weekend and we will be there with a bunch of friends.

I'll drink a couple for you!!! (and for me, and for you, and then me again)

whole chicken in a can?

Did you know that you can buy an entire whole chicken in a can????? NASTY!!!!! Grrreeoossss.

Check out the pictures here....yep it is whole. This is for all you out there that don't know how to cook for Thanksgiving. You're welcome.

plagued by camel toe?

Many women are plagued by camel toe? Don't know what this means....well I'm not explaining it to you but you can read more about it on wikipedia. Anyways, it was only a matter of time before some crafty businessman found a solution! Enter Cuchini, which will help hide your camel toe.

For a good funny you should go to their site to watch this video......makes me laugh! Only from Bob and Tom.

someone stop her from talking

I would like to hire someone with lots of muscles and guns to stop this dumb hooker from talking....that Ms. CA, who is bitter about losing her "future Trump bride" crown because of her less-than-PC answer to a question about gay marriage. After the show, last week she went on every news network and attempted to throw coherent sentences together. AND now she has decided to actively campaign AGAINST same-sex marriage! Can't you just shut up? Seriously. Shut up.

Did I mention that her answer was not "same-sex" marriage but she refers to it as "opposite-sex" marriage? Well I would like to officially state that I've been supporting "opposite-sex" marriage forever!!!! It is not opposite to me, it's about equality.

the new HP posters

These newly released HP posters are complete rubbish....the movie better not be this ugly and cheaply done! COME ON people, you're killing me!!