for my 4th wedding

I like fashion, I really do. But this might over the top. Some bride just had a 2 mile train on her wedding day. Yeah 2 miles, folks. I'm calling dibs on this for my 4th wedding, well maybe 5th:

my next wedding invite

I've got my next 5 weddings already planned out. We are going to stretch them to locations worldwide including a beach and a roller skating rink. Hot times for the big LL.

Anyways, I just ran across the next invitation you'll get from me so that I can truly assess your excitability for joining me in another ceromony:

You can't check "all the above"

I sometimes wish my friends and their insufferable spouses-to-be were considerate enough to give  options this thorough. In fact, most of them could go ahead and delete the first two, and maybe even add a couple of others like, "depends on the food," "as long as there's an open bar," and "thanks but I'd rather jump off of a highway overpass into oncoming traffic."

kiss cam gone wrong

Dear men of the world,

It is important for you to mayyyybe have a good idea that the woman in your life is also interested in marriage so that this doesn't happen to you:



Ouch. That sucks. Better luck next time, maybe she'll stay.

Love,

LL

72 days and it's over

Wowsa, did you hear??? The Special K news??? Kimmy K has filed for divorce from her tall MN-soten husband. They made it a whole 72 days. Considering they were PAID $17.9 million for their wedding that means it was worth a nifty $10,358.80 per hour. 10Gs per hour. HOLY BALLS!!

Check this out for a detailed break down of the numbers. It was funny how #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage was trending on twitter for days producing such epic tweets as:

• #Blackberry service outage #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage (which I thought McBetty would enjoy).
• #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage her last name.
• #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage Taylor Swift's speech because Kanye grabbed her mic
  

Well you know now that we all look back at it, there was some signs we were missing that would have suggested this abrupt end. For God’s sake, this GIF taken from Keeping Up With The Kardashians should have given it away months ago…

What kind of jhole throws a woman into the ocean? I'm sure she is fine. I heard she’s completely buoyant carrying around all that well-known junk in the trunk, but still.

I still contend that these are s-m-r-t business people and she played her heart and wallet pretty well this time. Point Kim, advantage Special K family.

the special K family is growing

Well I can't get over the new Hollywood family, who I coin the Special K's, is staying relevant. People just aren't getting sick of them like I thought they would 6 years later!

Years ago Kim Kardashian came on the scene as a fashion shopper for celebutantes, then she made a sex tape with Brandy's brother that "leaked" and she was here to stay. The same year her sex tape leaked, her family started their "reality" show KUWTK. The kids have branched off and had their own shows as well, providing further evidence this family is just raking in money.

This family and the "K's". I swear. Most of the children, like 20 of them, have names that start with K's (kim, kourtney, khloe, kylie, kendell, kris, KILL ME NOW). Then of all the irony, Kim finds a guy who's name also starts with a K! Insert Kris Humphries, a MN native.

Kris went to the UMN when I was there, and he wasn't known as the smartest guy around. Granted he was a talented athlete from the Twin Cities area, and our basketball team really sucked. I mean most UMN teams make it hard from you to be a die hard fan....you got to really really want it because they're going to put up a fight. But I remember this guy blundering around campus, and staring off into space.

Fast forward years later, Kris now plays for the NBA which makes him the perfect mark for all jersey chasers. And he is perfect for the Special K family because his name starts with a K! It's a match made in heaven. Apparently Kim loves Minnesotans and our hanging on to "oooo" while she chills on Lake Minnetokan with her hubby.

So after some courtship, Kris proposes to Kim which just aired on their KUWTK show. Check out this romantical proposal, full of cameras and lighting from the E! crew:



Just that first minute made me cringe! I mean how long did he sit there on his knee. I felt awkward for you, Kris. Fixing his shirt, just hanging out on one of his prayer bones. For reals. At least he knew on how to spell out his proposal in the rose pedals, otherwise he could have been like this dumbass:



And the kicker is Kim comes in and won't say anything until she sees the ring. As soon as it is apparent it is 40 carat, she says yes. Phhhh!

So the wedding happened and apparently the couple MADE over 15 MILLION dollars for getting married. Holy balls, they got everything free and got paid for selling the entire experience to E! and other companies (like the cake maker). How is that possible? Most couples go into debt!

I don't think this family is stupid. They are smart business people and anyone arguing differently should look at the longevity and gross income. They have outlived the Osbourne's and their reality show, as well as Gene Simmon's Family Jewels. There is something about all 20 of them, somewhere between dysfunctional and strong family based.

where can I marry a gay cousin

Apparently, it's way more acceptable to be in love with someone who shares your genes than someone who shares your junk. We as a nation are just way more tolerant of unions that increase the risk of congenital birth defects than we are of unions that might make us watch two dudes kiss. As soon as gay marriage gets legalized nationwide, can we start a movement to define marriage as being between "two people, of either same or opposite sex, who did not meet at their family reunion?"

a riot update

I ranted alittle recently about the riots in London...and to recover from the uncharacteristically serious post I have some updates on the action in my beloved city.

First, I found video of a more thoughtful subtle approach to sticking it to the man:



Take that establishment!!! Put your garbage somewhere else, you bitch. This guy is the most laid back rioter, much more up my alley. Not sure what you can loot in this situation though...probably have to steal the other trash can!

Second, I hear that some Londoners are kind of pissed that the po-po can't get there act together. And we know they can do it. Case and point, that billion person attended Royal Wedding. Well this is pretty accurate:

not sure you heard, there was a royal wedding

So last Friday, not sure if you heard this, but a big royal wedding happened in London. Apparently over 2 million (insert evil pinky finger to the chin) people in the US watched and give more than two shits about the event--and this was a 4 AM start time EST. This is rivaling the amount of people who take the day off for the opening night of the Twilight movies. Talk about a serious drain on the economy, that is, if it wasn't for all the damn merchandise.

Despite these epic numbers, some people apparently didn't want to be there. Take this child for example....clearly forced to be present and not happy about it. Always a bridesmaid, never a princess. Tell me about, story of my life:



Well the fashion was amazing, as expected. Kate wore the McQueen infused dress that was both classic and modern. Nice work. Although I would have enjoyed more "gaga" inspiration. Also noteworthy were the hats, ohhhh the **womanity of british hats. I really wish those hats were an American tradition because I would totally rock out with some wirey feathered thing protruding from my melon. Seriously sexy.

Speaking of fashion, I couldn't help but notice that the Queen looked a little like JC minus the green eye shadow:



Yes the likeness is uncanny. SMOKIN!!!

The wedding went off without a hitch, and what I enjoyed the most is that it was personalized for the couple. Despite the news coverage and epic traditions, they seemed to squeak in some personal touches that was just for them. They looked so happy. Not forced or uncomfortable. I really liked this. However, it should be noted that there is no way in hell that my wedding will not have beer, even if some people think it is not "classy" enough (I say beer for everyone).

Also, THANK GOD the big BO announced the death of Bin Laden this week and not last, otherwise we would have had no wedding coverage. 10-yr-most-wanted-terrorist-killed VS. once-every-30-years-royal-wedding. Wonder who would have own the battle for the front page?

**That is for you, M & T. You're welcome.

a new perspective on the royal wedding

Tyler, the apparent creator of odd future (whatever the hell that is), does not give a shit about the royal wedding. Well this is a new perspective, considering I read that the silver fox (aka, Anderson Cooper) and the older babs (aka, Barbara Walters) are already in London to cover the madness this Friday. I mean, these are like forreals news outlets and not just E! The world is all wrapped up in this business but Tyler could give two shits. Thank god for NME magazine and their crunk coverage:

10 days away, reaching epic proportions

Well we are t minus 10 days away from the epic-ness of this century's royal wedding. I've mentioned previously (here and here--and no I won't eat green eggs there) that the world is getting alittle out of control with all this royal marriage business. I'm obsessed, obviously, but who knew the fever would catch on world-wide like this.

Recently, we learned more about what Kate will be wearing. Apparently the designer studied with Alexander McQueen, and you know what that could mean??? I DO!!! She might wear his shoes made famous by the Lady (here or here). Hopefully McQueen's influence will shine through and Kate will just wear meat. I bet the Queen would like that. Her and Bill are bound to get Duked (as in "I'm now the Duke of London, bitches") if that happened.

I think the better question is what will Sir Elton John be wearing??? Two-parter, will he show up the bride??? I bet he'll have more sparkles on him than Ke$ha and/or Kate (and/or strippers). I'm excited to see what's wearing who, and how many crazy hats those brits come up with! Think of the wedding-blissed-out-aero-dynamical-possibilities. Endless.

One particular part of the marital crazy that caught my eye was....ready for it: ROYAL CONDOMS. Yikes. That is like the Tiger Wood's vibrater. And I bet you can guess what they are coining them, "Royal Jewels." Nice. Apparently when you buy these condoms you also get a collectible portrait of the couple, which is definitely an added bonus to the condoms. So just lie back and think of England. If they don't work you can always name the child either Willie or Katie. Works for me.

Who wants to take off work to watch the 24/7 live coverage??? Yes please.

and she can flip a pancake

As I've mentioned the world is slightly obsessed the spring wedding of Ms. Kate and one of the British princes. They have been working hard in planning the big day and approving their couple coin and plate. Personally the image on that coin will continue to haunt me for the rest of the day, and I heard that the couple and the Queen approved it! I'd be like....hmmmm.....hells no.

But I digress. As part of their prenuptial secret publicity tour, the couple landed in Northern Ireland earlier this week. In the receiving line apparently they started flipping pancakes with some kids. Why these kids had pancakes and skillets are still unknown. FAT TUESDAY??? Pancakes for everyone! Next time we'll have to get them to jump rope, or make an omelet, or make me a pie, or something just as equally strange:



Also, on the Ms. Kate note, she has been totally changing the British fashion scene, and I LOVES IT!!! Whenever she steps out, all the retail sales of what she is donning shoot through the roof. Seriously, she has taken the typical over-sized British hat (which I secretly love) and brought it down a notch to a lovely feather headband.

I really don't hate to say this, but I have been sporting these headbands for about a year now!!! Kate, maybe we need to chat??? I'll bring you around and class it up (because "classy" is my middle name despite what you mayyyy have heard). I predict that in two months she'll be wearing small pops of lace in normal outfits. You heard it hear first. Stay tuned.

PS, in their vein, I wonder if frying pans are expected to make a jump after yesterday? :)

I need some princess lessons too

Sooo the world is in big preparation for the royal spring wedding, and I absolutely love it. As you know, I heart me some brits...the music, the accent, the culture....so of course, I'm interested in the royal event. Just think of the hats, oh the hats!

Well I just read that the bride-to-be Miz Kate has to take "princess" lessons, you know so she knows how to sit properly (crossed at the ankles) and how to wave (elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist). I guess she will also learn matters of charity work, and how to escape out the back door (of restaurants, not after late night visits--this is the royal family for christsake not the Hiltons).

I'd be happy to take some princess lessons and put my pirate/sailor talking days (years? entire life?) behind me. Sign me up bitches!

the dream is dead

God damnit, Prince Williams is officially engaged and off the market. I'm pissed.

a b-more wedding

Well I've continued my traveling and living out of a suitcase the last 2 months on the east coast this weekend. I commuted up to B-more for A & M's wedding weekend of epic awesomeness. So much good times and amazing fun. I'm still sitting my hotel trying to muster some energy to pack up the plastic pinto and drive back to Cville. In the mean-time check out some photos:



Definitely a little less "LL" and more southern catholic. Nailed it. Definitely pulled it off.



The 80's coverband totally rocked my world and more than once I was dancing on a chair. That was a little more "LL" for sure :) This is from one of my M's solos to his new amazing bride. Livin' on a prayer, bitches.



Here is the Cville crew on the balcony overlooking the harbor, the city, and the sunset. I think over the wedding day I drank an entire bottle of vodka on that balcony :)

I'm had an amazing weekend and felt so blessed to be apart of all the celebrations. It was overwhelming emotional time for me to be such a part of their extended family, where their parents were out pouring their love and sentiments. A & M are really family to me, and that has been more and more cemented the last 2 years. And I'm very grateful for their presence in my life.

congrats to the other betty

Soooo my good friends Betsy and Charile finally made the big plunge into married life a couple weeks ago. After the wedding weekend and a big trip to Greece, they are back in the big Cville and returned to work. I got to hang out with Betsy (who I can't call Betty or McBetty because I already have THAT name with my sis) on Friday night, which was wonderful. I got all the juicy details from the wedding and got to drink alot of wine whilst sitting on my patio. Here are some of my favorite photos from their wedding: