It's crazy lately. There are soooo many new types of flavored booze out there. Have you been to a bar lately? I spent an entire day over Memorial day weekend with two of my best friends at an Irish pub in Bmore. The owner, who happened to l-o-v-e us, was giving us shots of Jameson and teases of all the weird flavored booze. Let me give you the highlights:
Case and Point #1: Fing Fruit Loops Vodka. Are you kidding me?
Just when you thought the vodka
companies had tapped into every crazy flavor you thought could
or couldn’t be infused, they come through with yet another leaving you
scratching your head and wondering “how the hell did they do that”.
Three Olives latest flavor should taste VERY familiar to most of us. If
the name didn’t give it away, the bright and colorful “O’s” on the label
should do the trick. Fruit Loop flavored vodka, who knew?
Case and Point #2: Freaking glazed donut vodka
It's like the Simpson but for alcoholics like me! I like it. Wouldn't this just taste like all the other sugars boozes? I mean really.
Don't forget about whipped cream, cake, gummy, and Mt.
Dew flavored vodkas. Google it and ask your local bartender. For reals.
Had a wonderful time with a shit-ton of people visiting the big VA this weekend. We ended up throwing an impromptu BBQ which was sort of like how-many-people-can-we-fit-into-a-clown-car type of event. Here are some highlights:
McBetty is confused about her carbs, saying "I don't want to eat pasta, but I'm totally in the mood for noodles." Wow, maybe we should go get a burger.
The big B showed up for a day and ended up drinking most of the beer....he even took a growler home with him. However, he did man the grill like a pro learning to love electric charcoal starters (how can you be from MN and not know about these?)
Brian cannot remember his shit when he leaves my house. Things I received this time: his cell phone charger and a knife. Totally planning to floss my teeth with the pocket knife.
Easter came early as we decided to hide clementines throughout my place and then go on a hunt later, they were in lamps and candle holders. We got grapes too.
McBetty and I toured a couple wineries and left with 2+ cases of wine....I believe that is close to 25 bottles of booze after multiple tastings. No really, we aren't alcoholics, my mother had me tested when I was little.
I truly love my home-brewing friends, especially when they bring and leave the leftovers of homemade kegs at my home.
Going to chinese buffets on the weekend is like people watching at an amusement park or Nascar. There are lots of different people there, let's just leave it at that.
I laughed alot at the horribly labeled buffet of food, for example it would say "salmon" but it was clearly stuff mushrooms, or it was labeled "mayonnaise chicken" (mcgross) but clearly was shrimp. Definitely not the place to go to with food allergies.
We rented "catfish" the movie and I will never get that 2 hours of my life back. Horribly fake documentary involving all the crazies in MI. Made Salt look like an academy award winner.
I don't like it when people screw with my electronics....there is a reason why I don't set the clock on my mircowave and that is because it confuses me, OK? I need to unplug that thing to reset it wrong again.
Got to hug Mr. & Mrs. Bling Bling, but need to get up to B-more for some quality time. Soon. Soon.
Well today was a good day and there were plenty of things that made me happy:
Watched the sunrise early this AM.
Had 70 degree weather all day (downside=the big ball of death in the sky is coming back in full-force).
Attended a s-m-r-t working-in-progress meeting on grounds over lunch with some people who I truly admire.
Got a shit ton done in the office today! Check and check.
Toured a new house tonight in anticipation for the big move of 2011. Please God let me have a vegetable garden.
Tonight there's a full-moon and I'm sitting on my patio for the first time of the season.
Slow cooked some pork chili verde all day. Is it sad that a good burrito totally makes my night?
Some random guy said to me today: "Let's face it, I'm a fat bastard." How do you respond to that?
Preparation for a visit-heavy weekend with McBetty, the big Brian, and Mr. & Mrs. Bling Bling. There is a good chance that someone will either be sleeping with me, on my couch and in my guest bedroom for the next 3 days. Phattie brunch at LL's B&B? Yes please.
Helga surfaced in California and turns out she was in LA with no phone service. A visit to San Fran in March? OK, let's do it.
A spirited MN-themed conversation (does 180 character posts count as a conversation?). I totally got 5 1/4 points....maybe!
BBT is on tonight! Woot woot. I'm going to turn on my TV for the first time in 2 weeks tonight.
Well I'm overdue with chronicling my vacation about a month ago. It all started with a marathon race on Halloween in DC. As in the District of Columbia, you ask?? Why yes, the entire town shuts down, 21000 people run, and thousands come to watch the craziness. I mentioned previously that my friends are the best, and they had decided to run their balls off in order to raise money for the Lupus Foundation of America. They ran 26 miles and raised over $2000. AMAZING!!! (PS, you can still donate).
There were lots of stories that started around 7 AM, but let's skip ahead to 3ish when we all reunited:
We got TWO FINISHERS!!! Woot, woot. JB and B got metals whilst Helga and I were still in our last minute Halloween costumes. Typical, I'm the tall devil with horns! While Helga gets to be a little pussy :)
At this point of the marathon-day-of-fun, we were just so happy to find JB. We saw them both at mile 1, JB at 10, and both at 16 where we were a little worried. JB finished like a trouper (despite the bum knee), then collapsed in the arms of a hot marine who was "concerned about the slurring of words"--yep I saw the medical report word for word!!! If Brian or I were there we would have thrown her over our shoulder and said "she's fine, don't worry about"--the line we've been saying for 10 years whenever she looks drunk in a bar! They med-tented her up and then sent her through the crowd of 20,000 people. When we finally found her, we embraced, we cried, we gave her more oranges to smear across her face and the first words she says "THAT WAS TOO LONG!!!" We slowly carried her back to the plastic pinto (hoping she didn't crap her shorts due to excess laughter), but half way across the bridge we heard the finish line music and.....
....Cripple dance party!!! 1 Luppie and an injured runner. There was lots of pelvic thrusting and air humping right there in the middle of DC. We were bumping to the song that eventually became the jam of the week. And speaking of pelvic thrusts, we all had a good time stretching it out with the Big B whilst waiting for JB:
Betty's favorite photo was Helga and I thrusting each other while Brian did a squat. Two thrusts and a squat....can't complain! Sooo here are some of the highlights for you all:
During mile 1, some dude ran by and yelled "here cat girl" and through a Marine OooRah flag at Helga. From here on out I carried that flag yelling "WHO-HA" instead of Oorah, until I was afraid that someone might shoot me for basically yelling "VAGINA" as part of my enthusiasm.
I balanced my f/phat ass on a cement barrier holding up a "Run, Brian, Run! You can do it!" sign for over an hour, and neither Brian nor JB saw me. They both ran by seeing the people on the damn ground!
At some point I was commenting about how my arms had been in the air for at least 45 minutes holding up signs.....Betty turns and is like "really, really? you are complaining that are arms hurt while your friends run 26 miles???" Well in the words of Crazy Grandma, gravity is a bitch!
Sign of the day "My wife beats me (at running)"
Due to the random shootings in DC that week, there was some major security and firepower at the race. Helga and I saw a SWAT guy with 3 guns strapped to his legs and a 4 foot sniper riffle guarding a port-a-potty. Also, there were low flying helicopters with men hanging out of them with guns. Scary!
That carb goo helps with energy during the race, but it makes you dangerously gassy! Light a match, seriously fierce.
Lasagna and ice baths make for good pre- and post-race activities even if profanities are involved.
If you are ever going to run a marathon (btw, you're crazy) the place to do it in this race....there are soooo many people, monuments, bands, and excitement throughout the course that you are never bored as a runner (until you make the bridge your bitch).
THANK YOU so much for visiting, for running, for raising money for Lupus, and for everyone who supported their efforts. It was a beautiful, fun and amazingly inspiring day!!! Thank you for being a part of it! xoxoxo
PS, and one last photo to make your day....this person was dressed in a sumo blow up suit and had no idea I was being all sneaky behind her:
Well crap and a half, I got an email today that just about knocked my socks off. As I've mentioned previously, I got the best friends in the world. They are my family and I love them dearly. And apparently because they are nutters, they are running their balls off in my honor and raising money for LFA.
My friends at LFA found out and decided to feature them in their foundation newsletter. I agreed to this thinking that we would be one line near the bottom of the damn thing after people had already stopped scrolling through it. Turns out we were right on top and they stole our picture!!! FOR CHRIST SAKE....my ugly mug got emailed around to hundreds of people in the DC metro area today. Crap. My white, sweaty (due to massive amounts of football practice on the National Mall) and looked HUGE!!! God damnit.
Here is what they said:
"Friends of LFA-DMV, In addition to providing you information on our upcoming events and programs, we want to highlight interesting efforts of other members/supporters. Jilly Bean and Brian are running in the Marine Corps Marathon in October and they are raising money online in support of their friend LL.LL is an active member of the Alexandria Support Group and her friends are using their FirstGiving page to honor her, further her efforts with LFA-DMV and bring lupus awareness to a larger audience. Check out their FirstGiving website. FirstGiving is an online giving site that individuals can use to collect donations for non-profit organizations like us. You can turn any event into an awareness and fundraising opportunity!"
Want to the pic that was sent around???? Check out this older post and scroll to the one of Jilly Bean, Brian and I. YIKES, scary huh? Fine for the privacy of my own site but I'm not sure I was prepared for it to be mailed to everyone related to Lupus in the tri-state area......
I seriously have the best friends in the world. They are truly the most amazing people ever. In a show of solidarity against Lupus, my friends have decided to run a marathon in my honor. They are raising money to run 26 million miles with a bunch of hot Marines. That is truly amazing for a number of reasons:
Anything over 3 miles is like a marathon to me. What? You are running a 5K, yep sounds like a marathon/triathlon to me.
I only run downhill, occasionally on level ground, and NEVER uphill.
I only run when being chased....no, no, no, I only run when being chased and NOT wanting to be caught.
So I do like myself a good parade or running event. I like events where people are putting their hearts into training and/or waving from a gigantic raspberry float. I get a little too excited and tend to shout inappropriate things like:
"Pull it out!"
"You can do it!" (and that is only now dirty because of Rob S.)
"I love raspberries!"
So a tip of my hat to my Jilly Bean and Brian.....and perhaps Helga and T who may be convinced to run parts of it along side of them. I, on the other hand, will be fully clothed cheering from the sidelines with my mug'o'coffee with a little Bailey's creamer. Here's hoping that big ball of death in the sky stays hidden and you run like Forrest Gump....
Apparently there are other Lupie supporters running during this marathon too, so LFA is going to highlight them in the next foundation newsletter. Bitchin, huh?
Well I made back to the big VA this afternoon! I had to run my ass through the Houston airport at like 6 AM to make my connection, whilst thinking "god damnit I'm a Lupie and can't take this shit, I need some fruit and a bloody mary." Then I taxied it throughout DC and drove the plastic pinto back to Cville. Overall, the way home seemed much easier than the way there. I just think I do better going west to east. Left to right. Wrong to right. Time zones screw me every which way no matter where I'm at in the world. Never fails.
But I digress, let's work backwards to my last couple days in the great northern region of the United States. On Monday, we loaded up the truck to go visit a real Glacier. I've seen glaciers in Montana but they pale in comparison to those in the frozen tundra. We saw some on our drive the previous day, but this time we were going to a "private" one where once you sign your life away (and unborn children) you can walk onto the big chuck of icy death. This rocked my socks off. The best part was when I was convinced to drink running and bubbling glacier water on my hands and knees, despite my previous reservations about moose poop and dirt filters. I'll admit, it was pretty delicious and refreshing especially when it came back up through my nose whilst laughing when Rhino started dry humping me from behind....LOOK OUT FOR STINK HOLES!!! People have died in this icy stank holes, apparently.
Throughout this vacay it felt like home: MN men were driving me around in big trucks (cough cough Brian), whilst playing country music, and with my feet sometimes hanging out the window. There was lots of swearing which included ending every statement with "bitches" or "cheese dick" or finding the word "asshole" somewhere in every conversation. There were many times where I laughed till I may have wet myself a little, and in my thick book that is a good sign of an amazing vacation. I came home with a suitcase of clean clothes, and a backpack of seasoning and hops which I swear probably look like pot and drugs in the TSA x-rays.
Thanks Bridawg, Rhino and Coopster my little poopster for an amazing vacay!!! Love you all very much. Now move your sexy bitch asses back to MN so I visit you there more often.
Well I've mentioned in passing for months now that my Jilly Bean was coming back to the big Cville to terrorize the city and piss the hell out of the big B. I'm happy to report we successfully did both over memorial day weekend. JB initially made her airplane tickets for a two week vacay but thankfully we figured out that date mistake and got her starting to pack a whole 3 months ahead of time. To all of our surprises, she was able to just carry on a suitcase so that she could make it from the airport to the train station in downtown DC without being that annoying 100 lb luggage lady.
She made it down to Cville and the fun ensued, including themes which can only accurately be expressed with visuals:
Doing yoga moves in inappropriate places were all the rage: 1) in the expensive sushi restaurant bathroom which went a little like this...JB, "Hey I've been doing yoga", LL, "Oh yeah show me", JB "yeah check this move out" and then I had my camera ready; 2) my epic weekend theme of finding myself on railroad tracks continued from Austin, TX to the Ville, where JB was doing more downwards dogs on the city track. Good, good, totally hot.
Then dry humping inanimate objects were also the rage, although I will admit this has been apart of my everyday life for the last decade and not necessarily something unique to this epic weekend. Although, I did find myself around random parking cones, and close to those amazing wahooptie limos (this is not the first time in the last couple months that I've been around those limos or humping things).
Anyways, JB and I got seaweed mud wraps which was not the most comfortable experience. Laying on a table butt naked in a freezing cold room whilst a random person paints mud on every piece of your skin (when I say every I truly mean EVERY without exaggeration), is not my idea of the most relaxing thing. I would have more fun giggling the whole time with JB in the room with me. It was a good thing I didn't let JB bring rice and shrimp....
Speaking of seafood, we had a plethora of random seafood throughout the weekend. Whether it was lobster tempura or seafood of the sea chowder or my favorite ceviche, we would order it and eat the crap out of it. Another random food fact of the weekend, was PUMPKINS. Yep, pumpkins. JB had her amazing heart set on many some pumpkin cookies for my birthday party, and feck if we didn't drive ALL OVER Cville and stopped at about 6 grocery stores. Apparently, the entire commonwealth of VA is out of canned pumpkin. Apparently, it was a bad fall for pumpkins and no one has it. In my exhaustion of hearing about pumpkins, I finally found a phone book and started calling every store in town so I didn't have to keep driving the plastic pinto around (which also included stopping to buy a new electric mixer since I accidentally set the old one on fire a couple weeks ago, don't ask!). Needless to say we didn't find pumpkins, but I was able to convince JB to make it work with what we had, and apparently she's got a little martha facher in her and can apparently bake!
I forgot to mention that during my party, we also had to do a classic LL/JB throw back to sing a little Vanessa Williams (not whilst in a wind tunnel), which everyone secretly loved doing a little karaoke to:
Later that weekend, we headed up to DC but made a couple essential stops at some wineries on the way. At some point, I turned to JB to ask "are you drunk after three tastes of wine?" We made friends and I nearly wet my pants waiting to find a restroom but sucked it up and peed is the WORSE smelling bathroom I've ever been in (seriously someone dropped a huge bomb in there).
We got in some good B time, although I may kick his ass next time so that he relaxes and has a little more fun. But in the mean time we made a bomb fire in the backyard, hit up the eastern market in DC, barely made it to the famous motorcyle rally, and played a little twilight football on the national mall (this wasn't a water balloon fit, but as close as B would let us get):
Of course, Jilly Bean wanted to make sure she could do some legendary poses with my favorite phallic statue, which has been happening with all my friends here and here. This one was a couple picture through where her big ass was working with me:
In typically MN fashion, we did a little cruising with B in his big truck, with the music blaring, with my feet hanging out the window. That marks an excellent weekend, with good friends, good food, and of course booze. So here's to the next year of fun, may be always remember the tradition and kept laughing....
Here are a couple random facts/highlights/observations:
Fancy desserts may look like chocolate blobs or cat throw up.
Handicap spots on hiking trails are for wheelchair parking or JB.
Gigantic margarita glasses make great cones to cover your boobs.
LL's homemade potato is good 2 weeks later when found in the back of a refrig.
Five fingered shoes are only for people who don't take 40 minutes to put them on.
Yes JB and I are 5 years old when I laugh everytime someone says Weiner.
Fresh basil/cucumber martinis make LL very happy....
I may have spend an entire day waiting for JB to try to work her damn cell phone.
BBQed ribs are not the best choose of meat for 3 people who have trouble eating normal non-messy food.
People with handlebar mustaches are HOT!!! Wanna ride? Yes please.
Whoever marries JB will need to always carry a manbag with orange juice and granola bars in it....you've been warned.
