what to bury me in

No one likes talking about their own mortality (except me), but with this bacon-wrapped death box, you'll be salivating over it. What better way to go to your final resting place than in a casket that resembles what was probably your final meal? Plus this quality piece of craftsmanwork will seal out the elements, perfectly preserving your fatally cloggged arteries for weeks to come:

Don't worry their website says this pork flavored box is just under $3000 which is TOTALLY affordable. And I like the company's tagline...."everything should taste like bacon". Couldn't agree more.

my family posted this...

....in our kitchen growing up. True story.

a funny sausage party

Have you watched the Christmas Story yet this year? Well if not perhaps you would like to enjoy your favorite scene remade by hotdogs....well hotdogs with eyes and mouths. The sausage party presents youtube channel has been making ha-larry-asssss videos for years now and I just love their hotdog remakes with running commentary:



I mean who doesn't love a sausage party!

Now remember we have all learned previously that you can use the word weiner, sausage, hot dogs interchangeably as they are all cased meat products of some kind. And just in case you forgot, here is a tutorial on how to use your weiners with your children:



Thanks McBetty. Nice work. Hot dogs for everyone!

I don't need no stinkin iPod

This may or may not be my live-in loverpant, N:



I know, I know, soooo ghetto yet inventive, right?

But let me ask you this: Does your mp3 player provide you with lumbar support??? It's hard to get down to Lady Gaga with lower back pain.

Someone please enter this man into a contest to win an iPod touch. On second thought, I would gladly give up my iPod shuffle for that pan full of bacon.

quote of the meat filled day

Now that Poppa B is all retired and officially out of the academic hell that now is my everyday life, he has decided to change his email signature to reflect his personal meat filled humor. I read this out loud to two people today who thought it was hilarious, so I thought it was worth passing along:

• "I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes."

Ahhh, good point. Words to live by. Keep it all in perspective people.

Also on the topic of meat....we have officially launched the new company website which looks pretty damn amazing if you ask me. At least it has a pro-fessional spin to it, and will serve it's purpose well.

what, there is a new food pyramid?

A couple weeks ago I was following McBetty and all those meat please folks on twitter while they were at the launching of the new food pyramid in DC. Apparently, Ms. BO was there and telling everyone what they should be eating and in what proportions. Times have changed and we are lazier, fattier, and stupider, thus necessitating a new image.

So now the new food pyramid is actually a plate. It comes with a drink and a folk. No spoon for you. And your new folk is closer to a spork than something actually usable. No side dishes or extra bowls, fattie (without the ph/). Also, it should be noted that you are no longer allowed to eat sugar or fat either. The US govt does not recommend your ho-ho's or ice cream or cake as part of your new plate:



Well good work Ms. BO. I applaud your efforts in making an easier understood, slimmed down nutritional icon that illustrates eating guidelines. However, I'm a fan of the revised plate, which features the more commonly accurate American diet:

meat inspired art

Well I'm a meat fan (it kind of runs in my blood) and I like art. So imagine my excitement when I found the Van Goph of Bacon!!! This is a way for you to fuse your f/phattie breakfast with some learning (and then go cut off your ear, or rearrange your face, or sleep with lots of women? OK I can't keep the famous artists straight). These meat art folks give you a step by step guide to creating this Starry Night masterpiece, and provide some helpful/interesting meat facts along the way.

For example, did you know that raw bacon is a moisturizer? I have no idea if this is true or not but I can ask during the next rental conference call (that is, if they aren't tooooo busy). I think despite the validity of this claim, we should just start inviting women do this. I don't care if you are vegetarian or vegan, let's all return some natural moisture to your face via pork products!

So if you want to try a Van Goph here's what it should look like:

Kind of reminds of the posters college kids buy for their dorm rooms. Instead of the real Starry night, this would be what all those tight jeans, cowboy hat topped, and spur wearing Meat Science students are posting on their walls. Bound to attract all the girls to your yard!

PS, this also may be inspiring me to try that meat explosion....

news on this hump day

1. I finished a project today that has been 2 years in the making!!! Holy balls, now that is progress. Slow, yet forward. OK maybe two steps backwards and three forward....
2. I didn't swear at my computer nearly as much today in the office. See, progress!
   
3. I just walked in the door, excited for the scheduled dinner party tonight, only to find that my red crocker pot filled with two pork chili verde coated loin/lions was indeed turned on but apparently NOT plugged in! No amazing smells wafting from my front door. Sad.
   
4. Guess this means I'm treating everyone to go out to eat! Woot woot. I vote sushi.
   
5. I called Dr. Meat Man (aka, Poppa B) who informed me that even though the lion/loin was defrosted and sat out for 6 hours, I should still cook it and eat myself. He gave this advise after admitting that Momma B would probably say throw it out--can't wait to see if my horid immune system can take it (this was my defense for years on why I never wash my fruits/veggies)!!!
6. Right now I'm a little McKranky at the city of Bmore. I don't play games, this you should know about me for the future. So if you dick me around, I will turn and walk fast the other way with a selective finger to the sky. You've been warned.
7. I earned an entire gallon of OJ today. Best. Present. Ever (better when companied with vodka, but beggars can't be choosers). Thx M.
   

if my family were all men...

....this would have TOTALLY been our sibling photo:

Momma B would have been an island of estrogen in a bacon wrapped sea of testosterone. Is it bad to suggest that I might still have wore those vests as a girl? Or now? Next Christmas's family photo?

I do like a man with a bow tie. I wonder if those meat vests come with a matching sport coat? We can only hope.

picture of the day

This is for all the meat-lovers out there, niiiiice ass tat:

meating place

I like it when those clever "meat" people start getting all mcpuny and turn anything that is "meeting" or "meet" termed into meat. They have a website called "meating place"....hahahaha. GREAT!! Anyways, I found recently that McBetty's boss was on one of my favorite shows, talking meat, and breaking bacon shaped hearts. Seriously, I pledge my alliance to Jimmy Dean (and Jimbo Bean, as I've mentioned previously) every morning:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Better Know a Lobby - American Meat Institute
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

I definitely smell a pork product of some kind

So JonStew is making me laugh recently with his pork/meat report. I agree, more people need to keep pork out of their home....you know, pork products, chickens, and weiners (yeah I said it and you now know it is replaceable with hot dog but not sausage, apparently). And for the record, I worship Jimmy Dean daily...Jimmy Dean and Jim Bean. But this report does answer the age old question:

• "Would you rather have a foster parent or a pork smorgasbord?"

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Pork or Parents
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

some bacon I might enjoy

I bet these new meat products are all natural, organic, and will be a hit right here in the big Cville:

WOW!!! It is like the homo-gay version of meat products. All colors of the rainbow represented right here in my BLT or on my breakfast plate. Yum! Because you know I'm normally a huge fan of bacon (which stinks up my home and sticks to my clothes), and now I can add a little food coloring (not like I want to have children anyways) to make it even more irresistible. I wonder if little children would like to eat this business....who are we targeting with this product?

So here is what I don't get, this product was made by a "designer" like it is a fashion statement and not something scientists should be working on. Really? The producers say it is "unique and fun" which translated means "looks pretty but you may die eating it."

Serve me up some! I like gay meat.