the place for your next vacay

In these exotic waters, just feel free to express yourself, to let it all go, to be free with your body. Yeah again, you all miiiight need to hire me as all time proofreader for your telemarketing because that whole relaxing reflection isn't working for you:

you wanker bankers

Well I love me some Irishmen especially when they swear and talk about drinking and give their view on the financial situation in the US. That's right it is all just a bunch of wanker bankers:



Everyone who's been waiting for the Occupy movement to fall in line behind a unified message, well I'd like to nominate this guy as the official spokesman. Sometimes it takes a charming ethnic stereotype to clarify exactly how fecked we really are. Now go get me a pint.

pop up is back

Let's all travel back to the 1990s and have a moment or two nostalgia for VH1's Pop Up video (insert pop). You know, back when MTV played music instead of promoting teen preggers, and VH1 didn't have herpes from Rock of Love and the syp from Flavor Flav. Ahhh those were the good old days.

Well hang on to your butts because VH1 is bring back Pop Up video (insert pop). You can make your own pop up video on their website, but be warned you have go through all these systems shit to be on facebook and link off their website to share. The show (insert pop) returned at the beginning of October, and if that isn't a reason to get cable I don't know what is. Ready, sync your DVRs....

To satisfy you for now, you can enjoy the Britney reboot:

Get More: Britney Spears, Pop Up Video, Pop Up Video: Britney Spears, 'Till The World Ends', Free Music Videos

POP!

a 21 footer

This week a small town in the Philippines can finally sleep sound. Why you ask? Well they just caught a GIGANTIC 21 foot long crocodile:



Wowsa. That is no joke. I think bigger is better (this is why texassss and I get along), but this is pretty damn scary. The optimal size is about at 12 inches, but at 21 feet it is getting out of control.

This croc had been eating farmers and water buffalo all summer. But apparently, George (what I'm calling this 21 footer) is going to become part of the local community. Yeah they are building an ecotourism park around this beast, as he has become an international sensation. Just remember to keep your distance, look out they bite!

On a side note, I think my wing span could cover most of the croc. That little Philippian guy could barely get around it, whereas me (being the giant I am) would probably get a good grip.

otis is out

This week Kanye and Jay-Z dropped their well-anticipated collaborative album. One of the first songs off it is a remix of the Otis Redding hit (who also like whistling while on the dock). Take the two hottest rappers, mix one new exclusive album entitled Throne, and you know, you know it's gonna be good. It is pretty catchy and I like it lots:



Jay, I hear ya. I just got my swagger back. It went on vacation for 6 months, but it's back ya'all

pizza pizza, right here in Cville

So I just read that the Food Network put out ratings for the Top Pizzas for each of 50 states. That is 50 pizzas you have to eat, you know when you're traveling around these states. Turns out that the big VA selection is right here near Cville.

The Cozet Pizza joint is a locally run restaurant in a hole in the wall just a couple miles outside of Cville. I really like this place. It is delicious. Years ago, I went there once with JB and B and watched them drunkenly sword fight with the spatulas. And I always try to take any Cville guests here for a little hand tossed whole wheat goodness.

Apparently their white mushroom pizza is the best in the big VA. Holla! It is smothered in those shitty-take mushrooms and a plethora of garlic. Sign me up, and please accompany it with a local Star Hill brew.

this is not the place for accurate news

I think it is about time for a serious disclaimer. After about 7 years of blogging, on two different sites, I think we need to have a candid conversation about some LL Spot readership limitations:

1. This should not be your only place for news, be that snarky or serious. I suggest other such creditable sources like FoxNews (fair and balanced) or DailyShow (satire and sarcastic).
2. All ramblings by LL are not based in fact. There is no journalistic integrity here (which really isn't much different than other blogs and/or news sources).
   
3. I reserve all rights to put on my ass kicking boots and solve the world's problems in a typical LL fashion.

This disclaimer is brought to you by my highly scientific family. Brunch of fucking s-m-r-t people who check into everything I say. Case and point, earlier this spring I posted this amazing picture of gigantic drift wood in the state of WA as one of my pictures of the day. I received a number of phone calls afterward that informed me that I miss reported the exact time and place and reasoning behind the photo. Well crap and a half, who has that type of time to hunt down and backtrack the sources and citations!!! I'm just trying to make your day a little better with a smile or laugh, and not necessarily change your longterm educational level!!!

From here on out I pledge to include a significance level with all my posts, p<.001 with a high magnitude. E=MC square to the power for 4, bitches.

time to start measuring your penis again

Well every couple months, or biyearly, an article surfaces of some correlational research relating to penis size. This is similar to the idea that your foot is only as long as your wrist to your elbow (now as you go try this consider how crazy you look attempting to lay your forearm flat on the ground next to your foot--only extreme yogies can do this!). Whenever these reports happen everyone starts measuring and remeasuring and measuring again (for good measure) their penises. Don't worry, no matter which angle you take I still prefer mine at a good 12 inches, 13 to be safe....

Anyways, the new article caught the attention of the MSM (this is a Palin term for the main stream media--you know not FoxNews), and in particular Time magazine. Really, Time? Well that means it is for reals news. So here is what you need to do:

• Create a ratio of the length of a man's index finger to that of his ring finger.
• Then divide by 20 (your desired length).
  
• Then take the natural log and square it.

I think the more important issue here is whether or not people will know how to create ratios or just do some direct measurement. We aren't smrt enough for ratios, but you had our attention at penis. Also important to note, the sample of this study was 144 Korean men! Well that is representative. And according to this website, Asian men have some serious small ratios to begin with.

This finding has to be spurious.

So go ahead and start measuring, but you should know more about the research-related language. Apparently, there is something going on with your dimensional perspective and your penis. For example:

• "The data suggested that those with a lower ratio, whose index finger (or second finger, 2D) was shorter than the ring finger (or fourth finger, 4D), had a longer stretched penis length, which is well correlated with erect size."

Well what about 3D? Sure sure it is all flat or in the matrix.

we may need some remodeling in the Sit room

So unless you've been living in a a hole, which ironically was the opposite of where they found him, Bin Laden has been killed and the confirmation announcement came late on Sunday night. It interrupted the Celebrity Apprentice, which caused all kinds of horror, and on top of it BO kept everyone waiting while the news outlets took about 90 minutes of our lives with their top tiered "journalism". But this was good, right? I mean, I am happy not to have children where explanations of death/murder are considered good things.

BUT in the wake of the news, the WH has released some photos and one is particularly disturbing yet noteworthy of some LL comments:

• Is this the Sit room or a sardine can? Seriously, BO barely has a seat!
• Shouldn't BO be at the head of the table? Or maybe I've watched too many episodes of the West Wing.
  
• Is anyone else concerned about the 12-yr-old peaking her head in the back? Yeah maybe she doesn't have clearance, considering she hasn't graduated from HS yet.
  
• I just spotted Waldo.
  
• We definitely need some remodeling done in the Sit Room where we can at least have a bigger table and chairs for everyone. Where are the TV screens? And are those computers from the 90s? Just wondering.

Also, this weekend was the typically-funny Correspondence Dinner in DC. One joke was particularly interesting now knowing this announcement. Check this video clip and BO's knowing face--a little too much smile of a guy who knew something we didn't. Love it:

finally a toilet for the partier

Sooo I read recently that they have finally come out with a new toilet for the partier, for the drunky mcdrunk, for the person who can't hold their booze. This combines both the sink and the toilet all into one. Now you don't have to worry about the awkward oval toilet shape, where you fear you might hit your head. Now you don't have to worry about the chucks (post-blown) getting stuck in your sink drain.

Enter, the flushing puke sink:

Annnd just in case there is any confusion, there is also a pictorial reference guide for what you should do here above it. This isn't the average toilet, or bidet, or sink, but one "non-classy" combination of all three. I say we install it in every dorm and frat house across the country. Long live the flushing puke sink.

Brilliant.

a (good) weekend rewind

Sooo I spent the weekend with my good friend, who was visiting from the big CA (baby). I haven't seen him in 8 years, and before that day visit, it was another 6 years. We go back to the mid 90's circa 4-H years. We were both involved in the 2-year exchange program where a bunch of teenagers traveled and wreaked havoc across the states. I remember one camping trip where we TPed the entire campground and put toilet seat covers in paths using the kabob sticks! This was also a time when I had corn-rows/braids in my hair! (note, I was a semi-horrible teenager---much different than the adult LL).

Well this friend now works as an engineer for some small company called the US Military, and comes to Norfolk all the time. Over the last 4 years we have seriously missed each other in ridiculous ways, where once I was flying to CA at the exact same time he was flying to VA. He had a stay over in the big VA this week and decided to get out of the "armpit" (as he referred to it) to visit good old Cville.

Saturday we did a little wine tasting and then got an early seat at Mas, my favorite restaurant. He had never done Tapas before and I was craving those mussels (which consequently had clams in them and were not as good as normal, boooo). We tried a couple other restaurants for after dinner drinks but ended up at Durty Nellys, a Cville whole in the wall / watering hole. Finally on Sunday AM we hit up Bluegrass for some of my fav whole wheat biscuits and tofu/lime hash. What a world wind of great yet odd Cville experiences.

It truly was an enjoyable visit with lots of relaxing, and talking, and catching up. I had an old friend from MI once tell me that I always knew who I was, so there really isn't a change when I see people from past lives. I felt like this during this visit. It was an oddly satisfying weekend that perfectly complimented my new lifestyle. I felt more at ease and supported then I allow myself normally, where there would be 10-15 silence between conversations. Here's to more of these good times!

some BO news

So we have had some big BO news lately....not the political, life-changing decisions he makes everyday, but more of the type that I like. Case and point, apparently the big BO started dying his hair, to scad off those pesky gray hairs that are an enviable part of being the leader of the free world. The only problem is he does it within the same day. This week whilst the Chinese president was in town there were two pictures that surfaced:

Also we learned this week that the big BO wants us to play some drinking games on Tuesday night. I got a twitter message from him stating that I should join a State of the Union party. I doubt these parties are the type I'd like to attend where we find a trend or word to do shots to. For example, years ago we did "hope" and maybe this time we could do "reach across the aisle."

Look at BO, enjoying to dye our hair and party!!! I like it.

I'm efficient

Over the last year, since I officially enrolled in my power company's "Green" program, I get quarterly updates about where I fall in comparison to my neighbors, my most efficient neighbors, and with something like Al Gore's global warming standards. Every couple months I get my nose rubbed in the fact I am single and entirely too wasteful (I mean, really, I unplug things and recycle and have good light bulbs!). I'm not as bad as some people but not with my most efficient neighbors (bastards).

Well yesterday I received an update, and I'm happy to report that I am now EFFICIENT. I'm more efficient than everyone, on average, and am kicking ass with some steel toed boots. This might have something to due with the fact that I was traveling for about 40 days over the last 3 months, but let's just ignore that sidebar.

Well color me green...did I turn off my lights this AM? :)

a couple sad things

Well a couple sad things happened this week in the land of LL....

I have been working on some winter cleaning the last month and have successfully made 2 runs to the Goodwill. Historically, this has been a difficult process for me and there is a good chance in the future I will be one of those people on Hoarders (but with really cool stuff instead of stacks of those styrofoam trays meat comes in). Every time I would move across the country I'd have to purge, and Helga would make me make piles in the living room of things and then she would secretly take it to the Goodwill when I wasn't looking! Ahh this still brings a tear....

BUT I digress....anyways this week I was working on my shoe corner and ended up throwing away 22 flippy flops. They are cheap, shit sandals that the Goodwill probably won't even want. I figured that I only wear flip flops 2 out of 5 days a week in the winter, so now was a good time to purge. Sad. But the good news is: new sandal shopping this spring!!! Let's get more flippy flops that piss Momma B off (when I wear them to church or graduation). Business cas?

Also, I was going through my winter closet and purged a number of mittens and hats I haven't wore in 2 years. As I pulled out my favorite winter hat, the cream one with the one big ball on the top (which I got for $2 6 years ago), I realized it had died. Yep the stitching came out and the ball was hanging by a thread. Sad. It is now in the trash. Shame.

Finally, I think I'm going to have to trim/kill one of my house plants that has turned into a gigantic out-of-control tree (which I inherited from my friend Amy). The last time I had some visitors, they were like "we can't even sit on your couch, that thing is out of control." It is so big that the base cannot hold it anymore, and it is propped up by my couch and a 8 foot tall stake. I may need to kill this thing and then pull a martha facher to bring it back. From my quick interwebs search, the plant is a "Dieffenbachia" and looks like this but 6 feet taller and out of control. Thoughts?

the gayest military photo

The top story on CNN today totally made me giggle, because it had this photo regarding DADT:

Soooo this photo just does something for me. 3 hot military men with good butts, staring off into a foreign country, looking like badasses.....well except for the one on the right who sort of has a hip out, attitude-ish stance! Insert finger snap. I bet those CNN people were like, let's find the gayest yet masculine military photo for DADT article, and BAM, we got this sexy masterpiece.

And it looks like we are making progress on repeling DADT....perhaps this will lead to more sexiness!