Sonic has the most patient employees

I have never worked in the fast food industry. I wouldn't have minded before this whole career path thing I got going on. It would have been one of those experiences that shape you, you know in never wanting to eat fried food again because you can still smell it in your clothes (this is my worry about being a barista and not liking coffee again).

Well anyways, you gotta give it up to those employees for having to deal with all us bitchy people who just want cheap, quick food. I mean take this Sonic employee who is losing minutes of her life while this songwriter sings his order. I'd like like "DICK, what do you want?" and I'm gonna spit in your food:



Remember when "coning" became the new planking in those viral social trends. Well the fast food employees had to keep making new ice cream cones for all those asshats jholes too!!! Damn people, give these folks a break...Here is an example of coning:



Those poor, patient employees....

I want to live in effin

I used to live near a town called Leslie, which would have been cool is I lived on a similar named street within the town. LL, on LL St, in LL-ville. Same thing happened with my cousin in the Seattle area. It could totally happen...

Speaking on towns I'd like to live in, I recently read about a town called "Effin". Where is this you ask??? Why of course it is in Ireland, land of one of my favorite word "FECK" and 200,000 shades of green. This country town has a whopping 1000 people but has become an international sensation once Facebook (in all it's infinite wisdom) decided not to recognize it as a true city.

Facebook, what an j-hole. I knew that rich ginger Zuckerman/burg wears an asshat. Many previous citizens from the great city of EFFIN have started facebook campaigns and appealed to the FB gods. However, these efforts have fallen short as the town is still not recognized as a legit locality. Some irate FBers have stated "I'm a proud Effin woman" and that just made me giggle.

This sounds like a mathematical problem, or FB is really bad at geography. We need to get Sheldon on this business. I bet it is all about the html code and algorithms. See EFFIN is just too close to many swear words and FB is gonna cockblock the shit out of you until you move into a more normally coined town.

And thus another solid reason to hate on facebook and that famous backstabbing ginger.

dance party on a treadmill

Wowsa, check out this lady. She is totally, totally showing you up on a treadmill. She ain't runnin, hells no she is going to throw down and dance you off (I mean it ain't no chair in San Fran**). Check her get down:



Personally I like the two douches doing the running commentary, Beyonce what?!?! Holla at yo girl. Apparently she is a repeat customer who works on her moves while working it out. Hot.

Only on the Internet could someone become the second most famous person to pull off an intricately choreographed dance routine on a treadmill. But talent-wise, this lady makes those guys from OK GO look like they're stuck in walk mode.

**Insert memory from San Fransisco drunk, with the Beaver2.0, and having a 3 AM dance off with a bar stool. Ahh good times.

there will be nothing left of london

Unless you have been living in a hole, you probably know that there has been some crazy business going on in London recently. The rioters and looters have taken over parts of the city, and apparently not for any consistent reason. Protesting without a common message basically becomes breaking and entering and stealing. I mean look at the 70s, they had a common theme "Peace, love, and weed".

I love me some London and it saddens me deeply that the authorities cannot get ahold of the situation. Some of the pictures are truly scary. Please stop and take stock of what you are doing and why.

I grew up in a community which had some major riot issues, mostly fueled by dumbassery and booze. I've been in situations where the police provided escorts for school buses, and fathers stood in the bus doors to protect teenagers. And when I was in college we experienced roits again, where I would tackle my guy friends who thought it was a good idea to go watch. Nope, sorry, watching is participating and will only cause more problems.

You are making a choice. You can take the Martin-Luther-King route and rise above your basic urges. You do not have to governed by emotions. Emotion regulation is not just something important for preschool, but also adults (especially in situations where asshats are running lose in the general population).

I do believe in protests but they have be to organized and purposeful, otherwise you are simply ruining your community in the physical structure (burning building costs money), in taxes (which are going straight to the authorities who are trying to stop you), and in the air of fear (perceptions of safety is key). Riots do nothing for community building. Business suffer too, case and point this London restaurant:



This wry apology left in the window of a British Subway is bad news for anyone who likes to enjoy a meatball sub while watching a double-decker bus burst in a terrifying inferno. It seems would-be patrons of this establishment have a better chance of finding a toasted building here than a toasted foot-long. While I certainly enjoy the display of that famous dark British "humour" whoever wrote this missed a prime opportunity to direct looters toward the nearest Quizno's.

Also on the lighter side, is anyone concerned what global image these riots are leaving on all nations participating in the upcoming Olympics??? Who wants to visit a city that cannot control their citizens, where no one feels safe. Perhaps this should be the new Olympics logo:

Damn thieves!!! Some roided up athlete is going to catch you for stealing the rings...

It's a new gay, hip MN

Well Minneapolis is one of my favorite, all time, cities in the world. And although it has been awhile since I lived there, I started noticing these new trends back in the early 2000's. Recent news highlights two new trends, increases in:

1. Hipsters
2. Gays

Apparently, MN has taken the lead in hipsters (and for the record I've had to explain what this term means to more people than I'm comfortable with--pop culture people, keep up), overcoming all time leader of greater NYC. Brooklyn and the Bronx has been known for their dark rimmed glasses, tight jeans, alternative music, independent thinking and general vegetarian. Well good work MN is taking the top spot. Who know you were so progressive (although I do remember saying to Helga a time or two "fucking hipsters!" when we would be out as concerts).

I think they make a good case for MN, with our stupid flannel shirts (I really REALLY hate flannel shirts--just kill me now), farmer's markets, a-mazing music scene, and self-propelled tendencies (no need to tie up your pant leg from your bike chain, you're already wearing tight pants). And not surprisingly, Portland is definitely a close third. And for that matter, Cville might also be right up there in our hipster tendencies as well. Actually, we are alittle more east coast douchey than hipstery.

OK so we know MN is hip, but apparently they are also now gayer than CA! And let me tell you, that isn't an easy thing to do with all the donkeys and in general the big bright rainbow over San Fran:

The Daily Show - Minneapolis Is the New Gay
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

So I've known MN was gay, and definitely getting gayer. My gay husband lives in MN and I love him very much. 8 years ago I was his beard and would go to more gay bars than straight ones! We had a great time dancing for hours, hot tubing, and singing show tunes. Good times. Gay, yes we all knew that in MN.

I'm always effortlessly chic

This week Bananana Republic released their new summer clothing campaign that apparently has been coined, "effortlessly chic." I've always effortlessly chic, you have no idea. But I checked out the campaign pictures and they have all these hipsters playing on the beach. They look just the same as last year's collection, or just the same as any Bananana piece. Effortless, right? Well too me they still look like they are practicing some east coastal douchery:



I don't look that good on the beach. My pasty white Lupie body hates the summer, and therefore is only all about long walks on the beach when there is a constant cover of cloud. I tend to pull off more of the hobo chic beach attire, you know where I have layers upon layers like I'm living out of a garbage can and hooded up like the unibomber.

Why do these people match plaids? I just don't get it. And on a sidenote, where I'm from we buy our clothing with room to grow into it during the winters, and tend not to paint it on! Those guys need to beef up in those plaid button downs.

I bet if we could see their feet there would be penny-loafers without socks! Sorry I missed that. Now I'm going to go put my mother's pearls on and start my effortless day.

clean up in the douches aisle

Well here is a good picture of the day courtesy of my friends in NYC. This aisle of goodness has everything you could possibly need, including books for the kiddos and condoms (that is what they mean by "family planning," right?). I hope I can use my Rewards Card and get all my shopping done in this one aisle. Remember though they will only accept returns for the right side of the aisle, you're totally on your own for the left side:

Gosh, what a doucheball.

parking lot movie

Sooo we've been hearing some buzz lately about a new documentary coming out that was filmed for three years in good old Cville, called "The Parking Lot Movie". The movie is about a famous parking lot near the "corner" or what is also known as the epicenter of drunken UVA douchery. Here is one of the film's descriptions:

• "Over the course of three years, filmmaker Meghan Eckman tracked the comings and goings of a solitary parking lot in Charlottesville, Va., chronicling the lives of the attendants who were working there. This inspiring documentary is the result. Hanging tough as they navigate the range of human emotion -- from hope to frustration, from a sense of limitless possibilities to stagnation -- the film's subjects embody the pursuit of the American Dream."

I watched this (streaming live on Netflicks) last night and thoroughly enjoyed it! There were many times that I was laughing out loud, like when the hipster attendents would ask for 50 cents and some bitchy frat guy or middle-aged alumni dad driving a $50,000 Lexus with a pink popped collar would argue with them. Seriously? I think their point is that while idling to be a dick, you just wasted more than 50 cents in your gas guzzling gigantic car.

I've parked here before, and on principle always ALWAYS try to be nice to all people (of varying status, colors, genders, etc.). I never knew that it was known to be a philosopher post, where people would go to think about the larger world. As one of the attendant's said, "This is my job, it's not what I do". Ultimately, most of the attendants move on to bigger and better things, and some jobs are just a stop on the way to that. My favorite quotable line was:

• "What if Rosa Parks drove a car?" Orrr better yet, what if it was an SUV? What if she never got on that bus?
  

Things to think about this hump day.

GO COCKS!!!

Everyone needs more Cocks in their lives....seriously, I'm a Cocks fan and frankly you should be too. Why? Because today they beat the number one team in the country with the most douchiest coach alive. Nick Saban and his hair plugs can suck it (who leaves a team between season and their bowl??? douche). Bama had it coming, you just can't be that good for that long.

I went home today from my dog sitting duties to watch the MSU/MI game, only to realize that I now live in the "south" which roughly equates to me not being able pick up any game remotely in "yankee land." Soooo I had to default to watching that amazing Univ. of South (or North--all the same to me) Carolina game and put on my "COCKS" sweatshirt. I called M in B-more to make sure he was aware of where my default alliances fell. Turns out, I was the tipping point and that a-mazing USC team pulled it out. All American football fans thank you (especially us spartans). GO COCKS!!!!

PS, I like how ESPN says "Here's Comes the Rooster" as it's homepage headline. Hahaha, it can't write COCKS. I do think cocks are different then roosters, but I'm not the farmer and I don't live in the dell.

guess the hat

So I ran across this mugshot last week of a model father in FL. He was arrested for shooting at the feet of his son so that he ran more around the yard. This father of the year wanted his son to get in better shape for football season, and why just shoot your gun at him....good idea, genius. So anywho, he got arrested and his mugshot is classically trashy FL southern sun fried:

So can we take a moment to think about what type of hat this douche ball was wearing whilst shooting at his son and baking away in the sun??? This is going to be an a-mazing guess game...here are some options:

1. Bud Light hat
2. Nascar hat
3. FL gators hat
4. Naked mud flap girls
   

tennis just got a little more interesting

Well I don't mind watching Tennis but I wouldn't say I was a fan. I mean I ain't no Lil Wayne writing Sports Illustrated from jail about the upcoming US Open. But I may need to start watching more tennis or going to the game if fan fights are going to be break out. Last week at the US Open two fans got into a fight in the upper deck of the stands, and many people caught it on tape. I enjoyed this version with some guy giving commentary in a NY/NJ accent:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

But if you want to hear what the douche is really saying you can watch this video which includes the first slap from that lady. Yeah the lady first back handed him with her pimp hand:

more public dance parties of 1

Well I'm all about the public dance parties of one that have been surfacing around the internets (here and here)....you have to give these people some credit, they are out there, and they are having some fun. Seriously, everyone needs to be a little bit more like these people--operative word being "a little bit" because more than that might be too much to take!

I ran across this video and was secretly thinking to myself, I may have bet this guy once. I particularly like the douches filming him who are giving a running commentary...."the guy only has one dance move"....really? Because that is really the issue here....let's see the group of women who are huddling away from him. The dude can move his hips, and I think he is smacking it:

stupid doucheries living here

I get so worked up about the stupid, idiot, douchbags living around me in Cville. I feel as if they are the epitome of selfish east coast style. Seriously, these people are both lazy and selfish. Want to know why? Well there are many reason but here is the one that has just light my ass on fire:

So I'm a dumpster diver. Yep. Proud of it. I will dive and come out with treasures you just won't even believe. Over the years this is how I got my kitchen table, and a couple weekends ago I picked up two big living room chairs for my moustache party. I'm going to make Brian take them to the Goodwill afterwards in his big truck. To add insult to injury, while out for a run the other night, I saw another table, chairs, book shelves and planting pots. Grrrrr.

These people are sooo lazy that they can't take this brand new shit to the Goodwill or somewhere where other people less fortunate than them (which is what, the entire world) could actually use it. So instead, just dumb nice stuff in the garbage. I picked up those pots and would have got more too if I had the room.

Seriously people, think about someone else and consider donating your shit or even your time! You can do it. I believe in you. You can do better.

mel ain't going to like this

Well we now know that Mel G. is a total nutball....there has progress past "sugartits" to abusing his wife. A series of at least ten verbally abusive rants have been leaked and now some actors are referring to sign on to movies with good old Mel. Your career = down the toilet forrrrrever.

I recently read that his wife, who released all the voice messages and taped phone calls, is in talks to start on the new season of DWTS. What is her star status? I got knocked up by a hasbeen movie star??? Yep. So when they announce her, stray tanned and glittered up, it will say what under her name...."Mel's former wife" or "Former Pianist, current baby momma." I'm not sure this move will bring DWTS's ratings up. I will won't watch, although I'm a secret fan of Tom B (one, he is funny, and two, he secretly reminds me of Chris Hanson).

still falling

Well Mel Gibson has been making our lives much more colorful that last couple years....giving us the term "sugartits" and making us realize what a doucheball he is. Perhaps he had turned his life around when he remarried and looked to be making a run at a normal life again. Nope, that didn't last and the man is still falling....

Mel is turning out to be just as bad as Christen Bale and his rants. I like the dance mixes to these records. Here is the mashup for both: