redneck backyard mouse trap

Oh wow. This is nuts.

This people have too much time on their hands. How did they build this? And seriously, I'd be super afraid to go through this and actually do it! This is a human, waterslide, mouse trap game o' fun:

I miss olive garden

I think I might be turning into Kendra with my eternal love of the Olive Garden. I love pasta in general but the real draw here is the salad dressing. I could bath in that stuff. I could drink it straight from the bottle. When I was younger, I remember taking a salad in 3rd grade for lunch and then using a smaller container for my purchased Olive Garden dressing. #WhatALoser #ThirdGradeNerd

Well anyways, you can imagine my excitement whenever I leave the great city of Cville and am able to purchase the salad dressing. I buy truck loads of it and stuff it in all the crevasses of my suitcase. Case and point, my recent vacay to Myrtle Beach. I came home with two bottles and wouldn't share with Nik.

What does it look like when I approach an Olive Garden??? That is a good question. I mayyyy get a little ninja in my excitement. Here's an example:




Everyone knows unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks tastes even better when they don't see you coming. Plus I'm much better at scaling building after a bottle of wine, which works well in an chain Italian restaurant.

Sonic has the most patient employees

I have never worked in the fast food industry. I wouldn't have minded before this whole career path thing I got going on. It would have been one of those experiences that shape you, you know in never wanting to eat fried food again because you can still smell it in your clothes (this is my worry about being a barista and not liking coffee again).

Well anyways, you gotta give it up to those employees for having to deal with all us bitchy people who just want cheap, quick food. I mean take this Sonic employee who is losing minutes of her life while this songwriter sings his order. I'd like like "DICK, what do you want?" and I'm gonna spit in your food:



Remember when "coning" became the new planking in those viral social trends. Well the fast food employees had to keep making new ice cream cones for all those asshats jholes too!!! Damn people, give these folks a break...Here is an example of coning:



Those poor, patient employees....

holy balls deep

Wowsa, check out this Jeopardy player going balls deep, laying all his shit out there, taking on Alex like a true badass. This is the scariest 60 seconds of Jeopardy ever:



Wow, Alex is like "excuse me?" what did you say? Did I hear you wrong? And then boooom the guy is like a millionare. Go big or go home bitches.

sooo pretty

Well this makes me miss nights on the farm in MN, and my time last summer in Alaska. Soooo pretty:

a 21 footer

This week a small town in the Philippines can finally sleep sound. Why you ask? Well they just caught a GIGANTIC 21 foot long crocodile:



Wowsa. That is no joke. I think bigger is better (this is why texassss and I get along), but this is pretty damn scary. The optimal size is about at 12 inches, but at 21 feet it is getting out of control.

This croc had been eating farmers and water buffalo all summer. But apparently, George (what I'm calling this 21 footer) is going to become part of the local community. Yeah they are building an ecotourism park around this beast, as he has become an international sensation. Just remember to keep your distance, look out they bite!

On a side note, I think my wing span could cover most of the croc. That little Philippian guy could barely get around it, whereas me (being the giant I am) would probably get a good grip.

holy back hair

Wowsa. Put a shirt on. That is horrifying. That hairy, that gray. The stuff of nightmares:



PS, where the hell is this picture taken? There is all kinds of weird happenings going on here. Case and point:

• Is that old dude wearing ski boots?
• Is there some guy in the background with ski googles (to the right)?
• Is it like 90 degree, sunny and no snow?
• Is there someone topless wearing a straw hat (to the left)?
• Do you think that old dude is Santa on his summer vacation? Could be. We need some frontal exposure to indicate a beard, yes or no.
• Could that old dude pull up his jorts any further? Maybe he could make it so they cover up his entire back. And frankly, as tight as those jorts are you really don't need a belt!
  

Well this is definitely the picture of the day. Odd and entertaining all at once.

picture of the day in WA

Wow this totally blows my mind. You know how most beaches have drift wood that washes up on shore? Yeah this happens, but typically the wood is small, light and water logged. Well with the Tsunami this year, the West Coast has apparently been hit hard with drift wood on the coastal beaches. Yeah I'm not kidding. This isn't your normal drift wood type of year--and trust me, this picture is fo reals.

Case and point, check out what washed up on the shore in the Olympic Peninsula in WA state. Specifically, La Push WA, the now historic site of the Twilight movies. Holy balls, this is huge and unbelievable and beautiful all at once. I think this is just a-mazing:

Djokovic just can't catch a break

Man, some tennis stars will just knock your socks off. Seriously, these guys are freaks of an athletic nature! Poor Djokovic is always losing to the guys who can return serves via their legs, or by jumping 40 feet in the air. I'm just happy when I can hit the ball over the net, no less through spectacular and nearly impossible moves.

Case and point #1, last year's match with Federererer:



Case and point #2, the recent match with Nadal:



As an added note, in 2004 I saw both Federererer and Nadal play each other on the small courts at Wimbledon in England. It was a Sunday rain delay make-up game. Roger wasn't quite the ladies man yet, and neither of them were as famous. It was still pretty exciting and intense. Also, that day I chased down Martina Navratilova for her autograph whilst elbowing a number of small children in the process. Pimms cups for everyone!!!

how to decode your first date

Well for those of you who are all happy and coupled up already, the rest of us are still dealing with the wonders that is dating. Good thing we have websites like this one, where it outlines what the hidden messages of your conversation on the first date really means. For example:

• "Do you like the taste of Beer?" might actually mean "Will my date have sex with me on the first date?" Apparently, beer-lovers are 60% more likely to be okay with sleeping with someone they've just met. What if I like all alcohol equally?
  
• "Do you like horror movies?" might actually mean "Do my date and I have long-term potential?" Hmmmm, I just don't see it.
  
• "Do spelling and grammar mistakes annoy you?" might actually mean "Are you religious?" OK this one I have to give you, that might (might) be true.

Wow the nature of this a-mazing correlational research just astounds me. WTG OkCupid, good research, and wayyyy to present your findings in a fun, not logical way. I could totally work for you.

NYC sunset

The prettiest sunset occurred in NYC earlier this week on Wednesday night. It was amazing...let it load and then use the scroll to speed it up....beautiful:

some creative fix-its

Thanks to my good friend R for sending alot these genius ways of fixing things or making your common everyday things work alot better.....I totally should have thought and implemented a number of these McGyver-ish / make-shift things years ago:



OK well I've done this one. I don't really own an iron or buy clothes that require ironing (all future men out there, take note), but when I used to own an iron I did heat things on it. I think I did a can of soup or baked beans once. But this one is genious with the rug/shoe contraption. Brilliant.



Now how it took me this long to consider this one as a possibility, I don't know. It might be that I've never really lived someone where laundry is included.....but if I had, this soooo would have been an option. Who needs tubs???



OK this may happen with the plastic pinto if the radio goes out before the engine does. I'm running that sexy beast into the ground.....

I want this

A friend sent me some information about a laptop case which looks like a book. I want it, except it's a million dollars. Check it out:

Woot, woot!!! I like it, a laptop disguise. I could put my laptop in that bad boy and look exponentially s-m-r-ter. It is like I'm carrying around a big old book of important stuff. You could just stack it with your other books and no one would think about stealing it. Ha! I wonder if they come in a Bible version???

And perhaps this would be helpful when I get pulled over by the po po again. Not sure I mentioned this, but over memorial day weekend I got pulled over (for speeding, of course, bane of my freakin existence getting speeding tickets on holiday weekends throughout my short life) going to campus to return my library books. The cop didn't believe me that I was going to library so I started handing me the 10+ books on school violence and communities that care programs through the window. His eyes widened and I could see him thinking "OK, OK crazy, just a warning then." I didn't even have to flash the girls!

BUT, I digress...if I had this laptop cover it could just be another book that gets me out of trouble (books and the girls).....who know it was going to come down to those two things.

birds hate me

So I figured out this week that birds have been eating my strawberries and vented my speen a little here. Well it is like those birds are now coming at me from all directions now.....

I have been cat sitting for a friend this weekend and she lives in sort of a woody area, and it has been raining for about two days here too. I had to park my plastic pinto under a big tree, and this morning I had like 3 huge splats of bird shit on my windshield. These were not small poos by any means, seriously these birds must be eating something strange in the woods. And so I get myself moving, am on the bypass speeding my way home with the windows wide open, and realized I needed to get all the water off the window.....see where this is going yet????.....

Yeah the bird poo was still wet and fresh, and therefore the 3 gigantic turds smeared across the entire windshield!!! I can't even make this shit up. So not thinking I turned on my window cleaner because, you know, I couldn't see! Well this worked well until the blue liquid now infused with white bird poo started flying in my open window. DAMNIT!!!

At this moment, I remembered when I used to throw my gum out the front window and it was just get sucked back into the back window, and I how I love having my windows open. I wonder what would happen to me if I got a motorcycle so I don't have this window problem!

Anyways I made it home safely without crashing or killing anymore birds....stupid birds, you're time will come....