what is going on with flavored booze

It's crazy lately. There are soooo many new types of flavored booze out there. Have you been to a bar lately? I spent an entire day over Memorial day weekend with two of my best friends at an Irish pub in Bmore. The owner, who happened to l-o-v-e us, was giving us shots of Jameson and teases of all the weird flavored booze. Let me give you the highlights:

Case and Point #1: Fing Fruit Loops Vodka. Are you kidding me?

 

Just when you thought the vodka companies had tapped into every crazy flavor you thought could or couldn’t be infused, they come through with yet another leaving you scratching your head and wondering “how the hell did they do that”. Three Olives latest flavor should taste VERY familiar to most of us. If the name didn’t give it away, the bright and colorful “O’s” on the label should do the trick. Fruit Loop flavored vodka, who knew? 

 

 

Case and Point #2: Freaking glazed donut vodka

It's like the Simpson but for alcoholics like me! I like it. Wouldn't this just taste like all the other sugars boozes? I mean really.

 

Don't forget about whipped cream, cake, gummy, and Mt. Dew flavored vodkas. Google it and ask your local bartender. For reals.

worse. dad. ever

Sure, your father played catch and went to your school plays, but he also thought Grey Goose was too expensive for your undeveloped palette. Poppa B taught me all about meat but not so much about what booze infused beverage I could compliment it with.

Sooo let's hand that "World's Best Dad" mug over to this guy:

you aren't special

I really like this bar, they don't sugar coat their drinks or their signage:

Some bars use limited-time cocktails or other gimmicky discounts to get you tossing back cold ones, but this place just breaks your spirit with raw, unflinching truthfulness. There's no phony, light-beer commercial atmosphere in here. Just a bunch of guys who've been chewed up and spit out by a merciless bitch called Life. Build a bridge and get over it yo.

the best rendition of queen ever

Those crazy canucks! They are nuts and even more so when they are drunk and stuck in the backseat of a cop car. I really want this song as my ringtone. This is well worth 6 minutes of your life:

I found a toddler better than you

I think this toddler is the new Forrest Gump of ping pong. He is much better than you and only marginally better than me when I have a pint of beer to balance me in my other hand. I really miss playing ping pong and maybe I need to join a gym where I can play this....then when I have children they can do this:



Last time you sat on a ping pong table it broke and you bruised your tailbone and you had to sit on one of those embarrassing donut pillows for weeks. Remember that, fatass?

Oh wait maybe I'm thinking about sex on pool tables....

whos the drunkest

Let's think about where you've lived in the these United States? Go ahead, take a moment. How many you got? Mine are split between the reds and blues and represent bi-coastal states. Which states have the highest binge drinkers??? Check it out:

Nice work you drunk Badgers, Cheddarheads, and Packer fans. I mean, it is soooo cold there you have to drink, and then eat cheese curds. Long live the land o' Leines, my favorite beer of all time.

So what is binge drinking? Well apparently those lab-coat wearing weenies define binge drinking as "five or more drinks in a short period of time for men, and four for women." Sure sure, women can't hold their booze. I know. It's because we are typically small. But what we really need to do is define what is a "short period". Two hours? Six hours? 20 minutes? I can do it all. Trust me.

How does your state(s) stacks up in alcohol consumption? If you're in WI you probably can't answer this because your are far too drunk to read. Or perhaps you are already passed out on the floor if you're from Tennessee or South Dakota. I mean what happened there? Did you forget to vote? To stop drinking enough to pick up your phone and talk to the CDC? Yeah I know.

I need this

I just found a perfect gift you can get me for xmas:

This flask holds a whopping 64 ounces (that's a half gallon) of booze.

Maybe I should just carry the bottle because we are completely defeating the purpose of a flask if it is that big and won't fit between the girls. Again, the flask is for sneakiness and not blatant drunkenness....that is where you just walk around with the bottle and say screw the brown paper bag condom!

Still a good gift no matter how you spin it, you alcoholics.

I shop here all the time

As McBetty says, its a single serving container...or meal....

political season, let's start the drinking games

Well we have officially entered political season, that means the GOP primaries are in full force. The politicko signs are up around town, the email and television ads are going, and things are about to get CRUNK for the rest of us.

I enjoy politicks much more when I create drinking games during the speeches. Like when BO says "Hope" everyone takes a shot. Like when Perry says "Brother" to Cain you take a sip of your beer. You can set up your own, and maybe check out these ideas for some inspiration.

Since it is the getting close to the intense politicko season, let's quick do a review of the most noteworthy drinking game:

Case and point #1: Sink your battleship and my liver in one great game

Case and point #2: The worlds larger beer pong game, where I'm positive that the big ball of death in the sky will warm all the beer before you can consume it.

I'm gonna diagram the shit out of you

So Nik and I recently had a major laughing fest whilst deciding to start diagraming the shit out of our everyday lives. This new goal was inspired by this picture:



I don't know who this Chris person is but he sounds like someone I would like to hang out with. What, you like to drink? What, you like balconies? What, your friends leave passive aggressive fun notes for you? Let's be friends.

Fun like this is the sole reason I purchased a million dollar half cork, half chalk board for our kitchen. So I can draw dirrrty things and then use an arrow to point to the equally dirty post-it note pinned up on the left. Ahhh good times.

So here is what I came up with for the bathroom:

1. Are you LL? No, then feel free to use the toilet.
   
2. Yes, have you pooped in the last day? Yes, proceed with caution.
3. No, is there a plunger available? Yes, proceed with caution and consider a two-flusher with a mid-poop pinch off.
4. No, go to the crazy neighbors.

Yep, I think this works. I'm posting it in the bathroom for future reference. Excellent.

Now I need you all to come up with more decision making trees for me....

get her a beer bong

Grandma, forget shot gunning that beer can! Let's pull out the beer bong and see what she can do....

yankees pray differently

Wow, the south prays alot differently than I was taught in the north.

Stupid Yankees don't know anything. They don't know how to fry catfish or how to cook greens (I would love some fried okra right about now). And apparently they don't know how to properly lead a good prayer. Next time make sure to thank God for your "smokin hot wife" and "GM performance technology" and then to end in something incoherent, "bipti-bopti-bo".

AMEN, halleluiah:



And I'll add one more:

• "And thank you for the case of Busch Light I used to prepare for tonight's prayer…"

You know that the GM Performance Technology is from Detroit, right? D-town baby. Total shit hole, but I love it.

we're getting slizzard

So I always wonder how companies or non-profits or other organizations man their social media accounts. You know, does one person have access or do a group of people? Well it turns out that the Red Cross needs to change the password on their twitter account. This week their was a rogue tweet that went out to all 200,000 of their followers:

Wowsa. That sucks. Red Cross responded immediately and took it down, but not before some clever bloggers got screenshots. I mean, who doesn't love Dogfish beer??? But seriously, you people are handling donated blood and perhaps you shouldn't be getting crunk at the office. For crying out loud, you're already so drunk you didn't even spell slizzard correctly! I feel as if the Red Cross owes me an apology for not being able to properly spell pop culture slang. Now go get in your G6....

There is an upside to the situation and Dogfish brewery jumped on it. They began promoting the mistake on their website and with their fanclub, suggesting people should give the gift of life. Great. So instead of having two drunks working for the Red Cross, we have thousands of drunks donating their alcohol-infused blood to the Red Cross. I'd be on board, except that don't like my universe blood anymore--damn autoimmunity.

This weekend, I'm #gettingslizzard

finally a toilet for the partier

Sooo I read recently that they have finally come out with a new toilet for the partier, for the drunky mcdrunk, for the person who can't hold their booze. This combines both the sink and the toilet all into one. Now you don't have to worry about the awkward oval toilet shape, where you fear you might hit your head. Now you don't have to worry about the chucks (post-blown) getting stuck in your sink drain.

Enter, the flushing puke sink:

Annnd just in case there is any confusion, there is also a pictorial reference guide for what you should do here above it. This isn't the average toilet, or bidet, or sink, but one "non-classy" combination of all three. I say we install it in every dorm and frat house across the country. Long live the flushing puke sink.

Brilliant.

(billion dollar) strongest beer ever

Welllll some brilliant folks in Scotland have created the strongest beer in the world, weighing in around 41% alcoholic content. It goes a little something like this: take a sip, and hello I'm drunk. I would totally be up for trying this, but it cost close to $75. Holy balls with that price I better be drunk after one sip, and apparently they are telemarketing it that way "one drink and you're over the legal driving limit." Crap, that is strong.

I wonder if something like this would actually taste good. I would have to confer with my beer making friends/family, but I would imagine that this would be diffcult. Sure, I'm drunk after one sip but does it taste like acid going down my throat! Well if it is an IPA, I probably already feel that way :) Only kidding. I love beer. Beer and dragons alike.

picture of the day

LMFAO, still giggling over this one:

quote of the day

Here is an amazing quote of the day which was just made by your's truly:

• Ash, "sounds like you need a beer"
• Me, "no I'm trying to cut back, I'm either in the office working or someone else drunk"
• Insert much laughter...
  

Yeah ain't that the truth. Sleeping, working or drinking...I gotta work more exercise in there somewhere.

beer for everyone

So I mentioned last week that we were all headed out to the first annual Cville Beer Fest last weekend. We came, we saw, we drank....I was starting to lose my enthusiasm when I found everyone I know was going to be there, including many people I would rather not hang out with sociably. But fortunately there were soooo many people there and so much beer to be drunk that I really didn't end up having a problem with this. A tip of my small cheap plastic mug to you all:



Luckily, the weather was amazing perfect, not too hot and not too cold--just perfect for a light fall jacket (can you name the movie line?). Luckily for us Luppies, it was all under a gigantic tent so there was no sun exposure. Good thing I came prepared with layers of white beaters and cover-ups. Yes and yes. Good times were had by all, including 4 cases of free paint bottle for future home brewing.



Ahhh, you sexy bitches!

Thanks, CNN, thanks.

Thanks CNN. I appreciate waking up to this headline and picture:

Single? You're not alone:



This is the photo that captures living alone??? Right living alone automatically means drinker, on a glass bar. That isn't even someone's real house. And then there is that poor single girl, looking off into the distance, longing for a life beyond her singleness. Listen, I have some advise for her, grab that martini and chug it....

I won't be judged by you or society. Yeah I like martinis, and I drink alone. This is going to be me tonight if I get through this training and don't run my brand new rental car into oncoming traffic. Damn you CNN....

moustaches for everyone

So the mustache party happened in full force on Saturday night. A & M came down from B-more, B from DC, and Nicole from MN, plus all the Cvillians rocking out. Luckily, we didn't get arrested or didn't get me evicted (although we tired really hard during a 3 AM adventure, but more on that later). We had an amazing atmosphere with tea lights, candles and my christmas lights (totally classed up that truck). The amusing my bouche items were delicious and ranged from bacon-and-eggs desserts to grilled turkey burger sliders (way to go martha facher).

We successfully moved all my furniture out into my concrete backyard, and as M said "well shit, your empty apartment could have used to show my art!" We made friends with my neighbors, and had some infectious music until late into the evening. Cornhole (not bags) tourneys were made and I heard people performed better with a drink from make-shift bar in their hand. We had some clean-up issues when drunk people tried to move candles which had been burning for 8 hours (hot wax still hurts even when mcdrunk)....but all was resolved the next morning. I still have a plethora of dead soldiers on my patio, which hopefully will be taken to the recycling center this weekend.

Now here are some pictures for all those who keep calling or emailing:



Some brought staches on sticks which allowed us to move them around our bodies in various fashions. Trouble, with a capital T....I love it. What, you want to share a stache with me? OK I'm game considering this one is big enough for about three moustache rides. Favorite part of the night, when someone put on a stache and yelled "ANYONE WANT A RIDE???" Yes, please. Wow, look at the range of staches represented here. We have the evvvvil thin one, some drawn on above and below the lips, and one major hairy piece for the big A. Loves it.



Look at this badass photo....beer goggles, staches, and invitations into the Brotherhood. Sexxxy! Plus check the tea lights in the back (more of this later when Nic sends her photos).



Fresh colored moustaches are the creepiest ever.....freaks me out!



I loves me this pictures because it looks like one big moustache continuation from my face to the big B's face. You all know how I feel about facial hair....



This is by far one of my favorite photos....Hank-a-beth looks like he actually grew that stache and M is fully rocking the motorcyclist upper lip hair. Nice range of staches folks, good work.

Well more to come on this later....