my next wedding invite

I've got my next 5 weddings already planned out. We are going to stretch them to locations worldwide including a beach and a roller skating rink. Hot times for the big LL.

Anyways, I just ran across the next invitation you'll get from me so that I can truly assess your excitability for joining me in another ceromony:

You can't check "all the above"

I sometimes wish my friends and their insufferable spouses-to-be were considerate enough to give  options this thorough. In fact, most of them could go ahead and delete the first two, and maybe even add a couple of others like, "depends on the food," "as long as there's an open bar," and "thanks but I'd rather jump off of a highway overpass into oncoming traffic."

found this on my refrig

Nik, what an jhole trying to help me with my diet....freezer burrrrn:

preparing for Vday

Well Single's Awareness Day is fast approaching, and some of my favorite old people are already sending you greetings. This will serve as your reminder and I suggest that you start preparing for how you will spend this corporately promoted, made-up Hallmark holiday. For example, I will be spending it in a bottle of red wine. But for many of you it might be important for chocolates and flowers. Well thank god the people of Walmart know what we all need and have conveniently placed these ideas in one end aisle:

If you have to end your night with what's on the bottom shelf, your Valentine's Day probably didn't go as well as anticipated. I mean you should start at the top and work your way down...

Happy f-ing Single's Awareness Day. Boooo.

single's awareness day is upon us

Hate it. Not a fan. Said it for years. The only person I want as my valentine is this lovely lady:

Hot in Cleveland
Get More: Hot in Cleveland Video,Photos on the set of Hot in Cleveland,Betty White,Hot in Cleveland Official TV Show Website

God I love me some Betty White. She just turned 90 and damn she is still fecking funny.

kiss cam gone wrong

Dear men of the world,

It is important for you to mayyyybe have a good idea that the woman in your life is also interested in marriage so that this doesn't happen to you:



Ouch. That sucks. Better luck next time, maybe she'll stay.

Love,

LL

important notes to leave

I like leaving love notes. Sometimes I do it on chalk boards, white board, sticky notes, or voice messages. I leave them on your cars, hidden in your office, or somewhere random it will take you months to find. I like to brighten your day (so STOP complaining damnit!).

I've had this discussion in the past about how to leave me notes around my house. And luckily I've run across a couple other cute possibilities for my everyday life.

Case and point #1:

Listen Evan/Nik, don't tell me what to do. Honeybadger don't give a shit. I can wear my birthday suit and walk around my house all I want. Do your rental units pay rent here? No, I don't think so. What if there is a dance off? What am I going to do if my pants are still on?

I mean I may consider putting on a robe or a towel (like when your boyfriend is here), but you can't stop the girls if they want to get out (you know what I'm talking about, insert wink wink).

PS, anyone notice the Jimmy John magnet goodness above this well purposed college roommate request.

Case and Point #2:

Except this love note would be edited this to say:

• Dear LL, You dumb hooker. I'm not too happy with your inability to provide me with 1 pound of crack cherries each week. This is unacceptable for my pooping ability. If you could fix the situation that'd be great. Thanks, Nik.

Oh sure sure, blame me for your inability to have a good BM. That has got to be the nicest random note demanding sugary substances. Jon you sexy thing. I wonder how sweet your real loooovenotes are.