go shorty, what, what

What? What? Let's watch a lizard dancing to Fifty (or half of one dollar):



ANNNddd you're welcome.

let's recap the jubilee

It was a great week to be a British enthusist and I couldn't summarize the events any better then this:

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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Oh and the beans, THE BEANS:

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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I too am excited. So very excited. I laughed my balls off at these videos.

(sorry I'm 4 days late on this business)

epic car dances

Wow, not sure if you heard or not but there is an epic battle of car dancing happening amongst collegiate sports teams. You know, these teammates are trapped in 15-passenger vans drive to and fro for seasonal games. It all started with this car fun by the Harvard Baseball Team:



Then all the parodies begin including the Texasssss State baseball team with bagels and the LSU Tiger girls. The madness continues and now these teams are getting creative. Then the stupid Today Show did a competition with the teams doing it NYC. For more on this check below

ANNNNNNDDDD Leno got on that and did one with the big BO and Mr. R which is pretty funny:



Now I've got that stupid Call Me Maybe song running now-stop in my head. Damn you funny youtube videos:

how I live my life

This is true. See my header. How you should live too:

what I'd call my prof

Hahaha, this crack me up. I would totally do this. I'd take Jilly Bean, Helga, and the big B and we'd put together some mission where everyday one of us would accomplish operation "Dr. Hedgehog". Brilliant. Almost as good as "Liberal Farts":

thinking about m-day

Well May is fast approaching and I've been thinking about the good old Momma B. I ran across this string of texts messages and felt like it might be something that would happen to me:

Ma OK note to self....if you're going to be expressive over text you need to download the "Not Going To Kill Myself" emoticon. It's a smiley face taking a pair of scissors to a noose and it's adorbs.

life in the country

Yeah maybe you shouldn't let your children play outside, this fun game just got more dangerous:

my take on tswift

I like Taylor Swift. I do. She is great, except for all that fake, surprise, OMG I just won another award and I had no idea I'm awesome attitude she has. I mean, yes, she is grateful and all, but I seriously could just have a closed-mouth thank you at this point. Also, not dressing like you are in the era of dust bowls.

Apparently I'm not the only one that has noticed these lovely yet annoying manner in her song and life. Given the ACM's tonight in Vegas, my fav Joel McHale has put together a little parody, which in my opinion is pretty accurately funny:

working staches

I ran into this article that takes moustaches into eyebrows with 16 of our favorite celebrities. Truthfully I really don't like Angelina with Brad's staches. Does absolutely nothing for me.

Check Tom, that sexy moustache playin tricks on me eyes:

headline of the day

I assume this suggestive headline was an accident, much like having an overweight rock star's illegitimate love child. Either way, I really don't want to know what Meat Loaf does with his meat loaf. Now that a good unintentional dirty headline. I like it.

single's awareness day is upon us

Hate it. Not a fan. Said it for years. The only person I want as my valentine is this lovely lady:

Hot in Cleveland
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God I love me some Betty White. She just turned 90 and damn she is still fecking funny.

HP in 2020

Danny Rad was on SNL last night and did a great HP sketch:

building pinball

I'd like to play this in person:

stop eating butter, norway needs it

I'm not sure if you are aware or not, but Norway is currently in a butter crisis. No for real, you j-hole of a fat American, this is a serious problem. Norwegian children are getting stuck between things and not being about to use butter as a greaser. Norwegian turkeys are lacking the butterball brown glow. The Norwegian Lutheran white rolls are going un-extreme-buttered. Cri-sis.

I was recently in Norway, and I didn't notice any butter shortages or butter fueled protests. I did notice the plethora of meat products including sardines and foamy meat. Perhaps I was focusing on the wrong thing...

Well anyways, all the American comedians have been making light of these crisis and one transgendered Norwegian has had enough of it! He is putting on some make-up, a fierce lip gloss, and setting up his webcam for a good youtube protest:



PREACH ON Tommy, preach on!!! This video is very reminiscent of the "leave britney alone" video which went viral during Britney's (bitch) meltdown period. At least Tommy wasn't under a sheet, but instead was working a fabulous asymmetrical haircut out in the open.

Well what is the message here, stop picking on butter....right?

forget online dating

My best friends and I used to take road trips every year. D/T/C would get into a car and drive to neighboring states in order to drink lots of beer. We would stay with friends and attend beer festivals for extended weekend o' fun (where on such trips we would learn that anything that has "o' ___" in the title freaks me out alittle).

These were the good spontaneous times, where we would wander around the great city of Raleigh, which I still cannot properly pronounce (shocker). During these nighttime wanderings we'd step into basement bars to get picked up by drunk lesbian arm wrestlers, or hang out on a rooftop bar social inter-coursing with bartenders about how to make cilantro infused martinis.

On these trips, we also learned the international signal for "muddling" or jerking off, AND discussed the plethora of signage we would pass that encouraged local dating throughout the countryside. D thought I should call these local numbers for a good time. But for reals, who wants to date some hillbilly in northern North Carolina??? RAISE YOUR HAND!

Although I was not on board with those dating signage, however I am completely enthusiastic about this roadside telemarketing campaign for sex:

And don't call you bitches, I only accept some s/texting (you know sexy texting). I mean why even waste your time on dating, let's just get right to business and offer up the fast swimmers. This guy is clearly not shooting blanks. Quick, someone google where the area code "512" is!?!?!? Let me know if this is a possibility because I'm allll over it.

Wow, way to put it right out there. And wow, way to use different colors markers whilst making your signage, that is pretty impressive. No beating around the bush either in the message, not buying dinner or drinks. Just some straight up, get-you-knocked-up telemarketing whilst on the drive home. I like it.

halloween inspired by ace ventura

I used to love me some Ace Ventura, a little less Ace Ventura 2. But I could quote the shit out of any Jim Carrey movie, be that Dumb & Dumber or Ace. Anyways, I just ran across this picture of a Hallmark halloween card and couldn't help but think ________:



ASSSSHOLEOMEEEA!!! All I can think of is this pet detective scene of greatness:



Wow who knew that Hallmark was totally ripping off classic 90s movies. Na, none of the tweens these days would even know what it meant....

the gayest laugh

Last month that sexy silver fox, Anderson, totally lost it in a fit of giggles on his show. When my gay husband was in town this month I showed him the video and we agreed that anyone that hears this giggle cannot deny that he is gay. I love that Anderson, who is an epic journalist, loses all integrable sense when talking about an actor who tried to pee in a bottle on an airplane.

And this for sure is a giggle, not a laugh or chuckle. I don't laugh like this. It surely isn't from that classic scene in Mary Poppin....Anderson is really trying to control his giggle fit. And at about 2:00, he proves he definitely is gay:



If I worked in radio I would isolate that giggle and play it over and over and over as the best sound bite ever.

I don't run

I don't run. OK I only run when being chased. Correction, I only run when being chased and when I don't want to be caught.

I've been talking alot about running lately with friends and I keep quoting this video. It is worth watching:

Tosh.0
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I like the little things:

• .0 is his number
• The signs say "let's all waste energy together"
• Wrapped up like a baked potato
• Just think about all the traffic you are not clogging