I don't know what is happening here

 

Let's break it down...

1. Wife in a motorized vehicle
2. Husband riding a horse on wheels
3. Wife with a straw hat
4. Husband with a riding crop / wip

all this = badass!!!

Yeah that is a wicked pic of the day, yo. 

hey fattie, go here

Gosh, everyone has been telling me what to do lately...what to eat, when to eat and now I ran across this instruction in the airport:

Let me translate for you:

Attention all heifers, coral yourself to the right and suck it in as you enter the effortless mode of transportation. Anyone who's legs are still the size of their arms can take the damn stairs and get a hot dog at the top. The rest of you fatties merge to the right and continue your obese lifestyle.

Thank god those pictures are gender neutral, this way I feel less bad about my potential in the right side.

eat my shorts

Hmmmm, I think your shorts might be too small, too tight, and not fit:

I don't know whether to feel bad for her because she can't afford another pair of shorts or to applaud her for simply getting those things on. Either way sexxxy!

I want to live in effin

I used to live near a town called Leslie, which would have been cool is I lived on a similar named street within the town. LL, on LL St, in LL-ville. Same thing happened with my cousin in the Seattle area. It could totally happen...

Speaking on towns I'd like to live in, I recently read about a town called "Effin". Where is this you ask??? Why of course it is in Ireland, land of one of my favorite word "FECK" and 200,000 shades of green. This country town has a whopping 1000 people but has become an international sensation once Facebook (in all it's infinite wisdom) decided not to recognize it as a true city.

Facebook, what an j-hole. I knew that rich ginger Zuckerman/burg wears an asshat. Many previous citizens from the great city of EFFIN have started facebook campaigns and appealed to the FB gods. However, these efforts have fallen short as the town is still not recognized as a legit locality. Some irate FBers have stated "I'm a proud Effin woman" and that just made me giggle.

This sounds like a mathematical problem, or FB is really bad at geography. We need to get Sheldon on this business. I bet it is all about the html code and algorithms. See EFFIN is just too close to many swear words and FB is gonna cockblock the shit out of you until you move into a more normally coined town.

And thus another solid reason to hate on facebook and that famous backstabbing ginger.

sewing fail

Here is yet another example of how I should be a professional proofreading. Let's count the ways in which this picture is an epic fail:

1. I definitely want to be thinking about "my baby" and "cancer" in the same sentence.
2. WE GOT CRABS. That doesn't even make sense.
3. Anyone notice the green 69??? What the hell is that doing there?
   
4. I don't know shit about astronomy but this is a fail is so many other levels.
5. Perhaps we should put this baby on some medical marijuana to counteract the nausea of the baby chemotherapy.
6. Despite the good sewing, this is the worst telemarketing ever.
   

managing office space

You know, not everyone is as fortunate as you. We've discussed this before...not everyone can afford organic food like you, instead some of us have to eat mayo as a snack. Now, I'd like you to realize that the economy is shit and some of us have to sit on ladder in order to complete our workday:



Now I think I'm pretty creative in my office space, but this is wickedly inventive. For reals, impressive business. Let's break it down:

• Stacked ikea-piece-of-shit desks
• Tiered trash cans--no bitch, put your trash in your own can!
• Sizable seat-age, be that via a ladder or ergonomic chair with no leg room
• Room for folder organization
• Easy access to the white board
  

I hate to point out the obvious, but this set up would never work for women. Knowing me, the 6-foot-tall-giant-of-an-office-mate, I would get stuck on the "ladder" chair which means I would have to stop wearing skirts to the office or worry about flashing my colleague on a daily basis. Also I need more back support in that ladder!!!

Next time you want to complain about your job, just remember, it could be worse. Now get back to you work!!!

everyone needs an afternoon snack

Americans get such bad reps. Seriously. I know, we're fat and lazy and such. But we work hard, we don't take vacations, and we deserve to be able to ride public transportation eating straight out of a bottle of Mayo while wearing completely mismatched clothing without being criticized:



You know some people just aren't as fortunate as you. Some people can't afford organic veggies and Acai juice. Instead our mid day snack includes a large helping of that magical white fat-fused goop. Why spread it on a sandwich or mix it with some tuna when you can lick it straight from the jar?

I remember back in the day watching a handful of teenagers who would eat french fries with spiced mayo. Instead of dipping in some ketchup, it was mayo (on a side note, did you know that some school districts tried to make "ketchup" a vegetable as part of a healthy diet being offered at lunch? now that is sad). McNasty. To me, mayo is flavorless. Really what does it add? Besides some bags on my hips.

Dear amazing bus lady, may I suggest down grading to Miracle Whip? Half the fat, but still the same level of equal grossness.

Can we guess in what city this is occurring in? I vote D-town.

we may need some remodeling in the Sit room

So unless you've been living in a a hole, which ironically was the opposite of where they found him, Bin Laden has been killed and the confirmation announcement came late on Sunday night. It interrupted the Celebrity Apprentice, which caused all kinds of horror, and on top of it BO kept everyone waiting while the news outlets took about 90 minutes of our lives with their top tiered "journalism". But this was good, right? I mean, I am happy not to have children where explanations of death/murder are considered good things.

BUT in the wake of the news, the WH has released some photos and one is particularly disturbing yet noteworthy of some LL comments:

• Is this the Sit room or a sardine can? Seriously, BO barely has a seat!
• Shouldn't BO be at the head of the table? Or maybe I've watched too many episodes of the West Wing.
  
• Is anyone else concerned about the 12-yr-old peaking her head in the back? Yeah maybe she doesn't have clearance, considering she hasn't graduated from HS yet.
  
• I just spotted Waldo.
  
• We definitely need some remodeling done in the Sit Room where we can at least have a bigger table and chairs for everyone. Where are the TV screens? And are those computers from the 90s? Just wondering.

Also, this weekend was the typically-funny Correspondence Dinner in DC. One joke was particularly interesting now knowing this announcement. Check this video clip and BO's knowing face--a little too much smile of a guy who knew something we didn't. Love it:

a big b-u-s to stay off of

I do believe that is a MI license plate. Knew it.

Yep, it happens, right there. I like the big b-u-s though!!!