for those living in office space

I found you a present. Well if you are stuck in a cubical like in Office Space, or if you have a jail cell of an office with no window. The latter is where I work, the former is the life of my sister stuck between McBetty and the big LL.

This new product will give you the feeling as if you aren't suck indoors with no hope of anything beyond your office walls or stand up divider. Enter the Bright Blind. Yes that is right folks, this is a device that attaches to your business and simulates a blinded window. Yeah you can really open up those blind or do anything else with them, but still:



Just think if you hung this on a divider and not even a real wall. That would be great. Stick it administration!

a funny sausage party

Have you watched the Christmas Story yet this year? Well if not perhaps you would like to enjoy your favorite scene remade by hotdogs....well hotdogs with eyes and mouths. The sausage party presents youtube channel has been making ha-larry-asssss videos for years now and I just love their hotdog remakes with running commentary:



I mean who doesn't love a sausage party!

Now remember we have all learned previously that you can use the word weiner, sausage, hot dogs interchangeably as they are all cased meat products of some kind. And just in case you forgot, here is a tutorial on how to use your weiners with your children:



Thanks McBetty. Nice work. Hot dogs for everyone!

I shop here all the time

As McBetty says, its a single serving container...or meal....

it's been one of those weeks

You know how you have those types of weeks...the ones that make you drink....the ones that exhaust you...the ones that make you want to run into on-coming traffic. Well I had an exhausting one, and I will be the first to admit that it pales in comparison to Helga and McBetty's everylives. Let me explain...

Case and point #1: Learning how to walk again and drive with my left footsies

I have been prone to ankle sprains for over a decade and this last spring was no surprise when a spikey pine cone of death look all 6 feet of me out. I was on the ground before I even knew what had happened. Then during a later spring hike I tweaked it again. Since then apparently I have been walking funny or at least in a way that has irritated my old stress fracture from 2002. Same foot, same bone-like-area. Now I can't put pressure on my front of my foot without pain and there is no way I can push up or stand on my toes.

Is this why I stopped doing yoga? Yeah that could be a subconscious reason. And now I don't get to work out for a month. That makes me happy.

Here's my new accessory for the month of October:



God, isn't that sexy? And those pasty white legs...grrr! I've been workin on some good stories to go along with it. Bar fight? Sword fight injury? Got any other ones I can use???

The exhausting part was I walk uneven now, which means you either don't move or you are pretty sore by the end of the day. Damn muscles you don't typically use. And crawling out of the plastic pinto, all 2 inches from the ground, really blows. Plus I have to wear a tennis shoe instead of my beloved flippy flops.

Case and point #2: Butt plugs for your eyes

This week I had my annual eye doctor appointment, and I really hate people touching my eyes. Due to side effects of my lupie drugs, I have eye complications and they have to absolutely rape me with every test in the book. I only do afternoon appointments so I can go home and start drinking afterwards :) Better yet, why wait till afterwards?

The last two years I had eye plugs put in, which I call my eye butt plugs. This blocks the duct from my eye to nose and thus keep moisture in my eye balls. They completely numb your eyes (like your teeth at the dentist) and then shove butt plugs in your eyes (it's fun). Turns out the plugs are expensive and don't stay in for me, so this week they announced that I should have them soldered shut. HOLY BALLS!!! You want to sew my eye ball ducts? That beyond freaks me out.

Yeah I may need a week to process that business before making a decision, I mean I just got put in a moon boot, OK? How much can one girl take in a week relating to health problems? Well apparently all could be butt plug free though.

Tomorrow's a new week, one which I'll still be adjusting to my new life as a cripple.

a weekend rewind with leftovers

Had a wonderful time with a shit-ton of people visiting the big VA this weekend. We ended up throwing an impromptu BBQ which was sort of like how-many-people-can-we-fit-into-a-clown-car type of event. Here are some highlights:

• McBetty is confused about her carbs, saying "I don't want to eat pasta, but I'm totally in the mood for noodles." Wow, maybe we should go get a burger.
  
• The big B showed up for a day and ended up drinking most of the beer....he even took a growler home with him. However, he did man the grill like a pro learning to love electric charcoal starters (how can you be from MN and not know about these?)
  
• Brian cannot remember his shit when he leaves my house. Things I received this time: his cell phone charger and a knife. Totally planning to floss my teeth with the pocket knife.
  
• Easter came early as we decided to hide clementines throughout my place and then go on a hunt later, they were in lamps and candle holders. We got grapes too.
  
• McBetty and I toured a couple wineries and left with 2+ cases of wine....I believe that is close to 25 bottles of booze after multiple tastings. No really, we aren't alcoholics, my mother had me tested when I was little.
  
• I truly love my home-brewing friends, especially when they bring and leave the leftovers of homemade kegs at my home.
• Going to chinese buffets on the weekend is like people watching at an amusement park or Nascar. There are lots of different people there, let's just leave it at that.
  
• I laughed alot at the horribly labeled buffet of food, for example it would say "salmon" but it was clearly stuff mushrooms, or it was labeled "mayonnaise chicken" (mcgross) but clearly was shrimp. Definitely not the place to go to with food allergies.
• We rented "catfish" the movie and I will never get that 2 hours of my life back. Horribly fake documentary involving all the crazies in MI. Made Salt look like an academy award winner.
• I don't like it when people screw with my electronics....there is a reason why I don't set the clock on my mircowave and that is because it confuses me, OK? I need to unplug that thing to reset it wrong again.
• Got to hug Mr. & Mrs. Bling Bling, but need to get up to B-more for some quality time. Soon. Soon.