my next gift

Thanks, B! Love it....except I'm going to buy it in XXL and change it to another naked person being able to fit :)

ready to rock

Tonight, baby, something I've been waiting MONTHS for. Paramore is in town and they just kicked off their north american tour this week to good reviews. I hope Haylay has her hair bright orange tonight....and I hope they play this song so can go "babababababa", I bet they'll end with it:



Need to wear normal shoes so I can jump around!!!

cut up yo meat fool

Yep, remember awhile back I made some comments about how my DC life is ruled by meat emergencies....no no no, not me needing more meat in my life (although that wouldn't be a bad thing), but how when there are national meat emergencies I get to be real flexible in my plans. I'm not complaining because I generally find them pretty engaging....remember HOT DOGS for everyone, except if you are 3 years old and don't know how to chew.

Anyways, my sister who inside and out is better than I am, is a badass scientific director of a bunch of meat business. She is now staring in a line of meat safety youtube videos. And one of my favorites is about how to serve little children hot dogs. I personally enjoyed how she said "WEINER" like 40 times. I forwarded it on to all my good friends who also continued to giggle throughout the entire day....weiner. I'm not sure I would have been able to do this without giggling, well actually I lied, I could put on my professional face and do it.

Yeah I'm about 10 years old and I don't give two shits. You can judge me all you want :) I do wish you would smile a little more though please, it would put all those PETA people at ease.

I enjoyed how my boss said "I'll blend up the triplets hot dog into smoothies so they don't choke" yep yep that is the answer. Protein hot dog shakes. Yessss!!!! Forget BBQing this weekend, we're having hot dog shakes. Yum!

hugs for everyone

Well god damnit I TOTALLY called this and sure enough the big TS showed up down at Auburn yesterday and gave hugs and performed and made me super jealous. CRAP!!! Wish I was there. Hugs all around.

Taylor Swift In Auburn :: April 26, 2010 :: AHugfromTaylorSwift.com from Robert on Vimeo.

betty's first ads

Well Betty White is hosting SNL in two weeks and the first promo ads are already making the rounds. I'm a little afraid that there will be a big let down because we maybe expecting too much. Check it out:


Betty White's SNL Promo
Uploaded by TheDlisted. - Watch feature films and entire TV shows.

some good 13's, mostly annoying

Well I've been following this Tay Swift challenge routine going on with her and some of her fans, partly because the first one made me smile. The second challenge sort of sucks in my option, but they turned out some OK videos, some that were pretty creative, if you got an extra 10 minutes:



NOW they have heard back from the big TS and sometime today we should hear what the next challenge is, unless she shows up at their doors in Auburn and just hugs the shit out of them. Seriously, TS, you can still get more out of these frat boys and all the world. We need more challenges for community services projects and stuff.....get on it girl!

dirty toys

Yep these are dirrrty toys that were intended for little children and not dirty minded adults, like me! I'm not sure what this says about me when my friends forward me links like this and say things like "this made me think of you!" but either way I'll take it. It must be that sense of humor thing again :)

Here are a couple of my favorites:

The batman water gun--

Good intended hooks or hangers--

I drink a 6 pack and eat a lb of bacon

Apparently Ma thinks this is blog worthy.....one of our friends in MI took his 103 year old friend hunting....though I'm not sure I agree for a total of 8 minutes of heavy breathing. It would have been sweeeeeet if the 103 year old was kranky and said something like "Don't tell me what to do, I drink a 6 pack of beer and eat a pound of bacon a day," but instead you get this video:



OK OK I admit I like the part where he is drinking BOONE'S FARM from the bottle!!!!

That was enough bright orange for me. This one's for you Ma because it's not really my style....

news of the weekend part 2

• I sent 20 pages off to my prof this evening which is only the first two sections. I didn't work yet in the last second which already is another good chuck. Pray for a passing grade.
  
• My strawberries are officially turning into berries, bring on the Lava drinks:
  

• I got myself to the post office and for a short hike with A today.
• I've semi decided to buy these shoes, which look wicked awesome.
• I'm officially excited for this concert on Wednesday night!!! I hope they sing this song so I can jump up and down and yell "ohhohohohhoo"
• Next weekend M is in town for some massive BBQing, and here's hoping we can convince B to come down and dig up my garden. Please, pretty pleasssse???
• H, I'm going to call you back tonight from my bathtub with a glass of wine. Hot date? Ok, sounds great.
  

new of the weekend

• My living room looks like a library throw up in it.
  
• I burnt the shit out of my thumb making fried plantains and now I have a big fat blister.
  
• Movie quote of the day: "We got beer! We got bikes!" If you can name it I'll give you $10. Gosh, that is like the hottest pick up line ever...
• Saturday night and thus far I've been accomplishing my weekend goals pretty well.
  
• Today I started working at 8 AM like a normal day of work, and only took a 1 hour break to eat and lay in my bed.
• I had a love note on the plastic pinto when I got home from work on Friday night and it totally made my day.
  
• Around 6 PM I wanted to dig my eyes out so I had to go for a run, as it was cold and cloudy today which means I put on capris and a tank top (my outdoor life is opposite than any other normal human).
  
• I've rotated all around my place today to keep myself focused: one couch, the other couch, the floor, my bed, the extra bedroom....then I'd drink a bottle of water, do some push-ups, pee, and go back to writing. Seriously got to keep myself going so I don't start reading Twillight or dicking around reading reviews about the new Eclipse trailer.
• I think my hands and wrists are getting a little carpal tunnel-ish with all this damn typing. My tumor bones appear to be sticking out more than usual :)
  
• I was at work until 8 PM on a Friday night, which gets me MAJOR fecking points because I hate working past 3 pm on Fridays.
  
• I'm trying to stay positive when I really just want to shout FML!!!
• I keep sending my grant to my email in fears that my computer is going to die and I'm going to lose all my work today...
• Sorry to people calling me today, I'm not answering my phone or returning calls because I'm on a strict routine this weekend. Sorry!
• I'm going to treat myself to a big fattie bowl of chiptole by the end of Sunday!!! I'm working towards that...
  

music of the moment

Why do I love this song??? It is shameful that I like this.

second wowsa

Well I just got a bushel of lilacs delivered to my office, which are totally amazing. I LOVE lilacs and they are one of the most sweetest smelling flowers out there. I was walking in dt the other day and had to follow my sniffer to a lilac bush and then stand there drinking it all in for a couple moments. I used to use lilac scented deodorant because I loved that scent so much!

Thanks W!!! I love them and they are making myself office smell alot better than it normally does :) The vase is coming back to you...

wowsa, wasn't expecting THAT one

Wowowowsa. I had a shock of a lifetime tonight. As I've discussed previously, I paint some old ladies nails at a local nursing home. I like to gab it up with these ladies and frankly it is a good volunteer opportunity for me that doesn't tire me out. Plus if I wanted to quit, which sometimes I secretly do, I wouldn't be able to because it means so much more to the old ladies than it does to me.

Well I've talked about my theory that when you get old either your body gives out or your mind goes. I think it is more rare for both of those thinks to happen at the same time. Instead, you can walk downstairs to get your nails done but you can't remember shit and think that I'm going to give you a ride back to your house. OR, you can't walk or see but remember everything anyone tells you. I have both kinds at my nursing home.

Turns out my favorite lady who's room I visit, remembers every freakin detail I tell her, including that I was fundraising for the Lupus foundation and doing a walk last weekend. The last couple weeks she kept asking me for information where she could send money. Our conversation would go like this: her "I want to donate", me "No way, I won't let you", her "but I want to", me "keep dreaming, I'm not comfortable with it." BUT she wore me down and I ended up giving her a brochure which I received in the mail. I figured she can't see worth shit, so it's not like she will be able to read it, right?

Well turns out she worked it out and tonight she informed me that she sent a check to the foundation for a rather large amount. It seriously made me cry, right there, next to all the snacks she keeps for me in her room because I never have time to eat dinner between work and the nail painting. I had to eat half the box of chocolate covered pretzels just to calm myself.

I know, I know, I'm working on not letting it bother me and being OK with the fact that she wanted to do something nice for me. I've never let her pay me for doing her nails the last 16 months, and I guess that is worth alot more to her. Plus I need to keep reminding myself that her son is the executor and if she didn't have the money he wouldn't have wrote the check. Right, right? Trying not to feel like a bad person....how backwards is that???

hummer carriage

NYC has a new ride in town and it is sort of pissing me off.....it is a hummer like carriage. At first I saw this picture and thought OK, not bad:

But then I realized that this thing still needs to be pulled by a pair of horses. So this badass dude with his tripped out hummer actually looks stupid as shit when it is behind two white horses. See link above for details.

I guess people want the experience of being pulled by horses but would prefer not to smell them or have to be out in the open. So you are inside, tinted windows, and all pimped out but still being dragged by some horses instead of a motor.

OK I'd still try it out, I'll admit it.

HAPPY mcBIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to McBetty!!!!

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!!!!

Hope you have a great day!!!!

ass, meet my hand

Well this is the second time this month that I've had my ass handed to me by a boss/colleague. Yep, LL ass met your hand. Get comfortable because this might be what is like for you during the next month.

Ass/hand #1:

My lovely B-o-s-s is repopulating the world which means I've been primarily working with other team members. No problem, except the approach is much different. I haven't worked in that kind of academic in environment in years, where people really take the hierarchical approach to delegate work to employees. This is in stark contrast to the team-based approach I'm used to. Anyways, my ass met my hands earlier this month when I was told very directly to get some work done that I had been putting off. My post-doc colleagues was also put in her place with what specifically she could be doing.

Ass/hand #2:

This semester I've been taking a pass/fail grant writing class for two credits, which has yet again reminded me that I don't have the strength/energy/passion to be in classes anymore. I refuse to let myself to do much which means I am getting enough work done each week but not going anywhere near my normal standard of over and beyond. And what is worse is I've been angling for a new job and so I want to show the teacher that I am capable. The teacher, who I greatly admire, has mentioned interest in some of my ideas and putting it into a pilot grant. I'm not sure if this is just encouragement or something that he is actually planning. And of course this last month has been more difficult to spend my entire weekends doing work because my gay husbands were around and you know I was raising over $12,000 for the Lupus Foundation. Well yesterday in class he handed me my ass.

The gist of it went a little something like this (in a dumb down paraphrase): me "I just need a C to pass", him "you have to finish the entire grant", me "well I've wrote alot in each section", him "you have to finish the entire grant or I'll fail you." Yep, apparently I need to write an entire NIH grant, in full, in order to get a passing grade. Apparently this includes filling in each section of the already outlined in my 20 page justification. Crap, I wonder if I hadn't outlined these sections completely, that it would be good enough at this point.

I'm not stupid, I'm on to you. Here you have a class with 2 students, and one of them is a faculty who is voicing the desire to move up and forward in your organization. You and I both know I've done enough to get a passing grade, but why not push a little more to get her to finish it so that you can perhaps use it later. Right, right? She has the potential and with two weeks left, you are going to threaten poor grades to get what you want.

OK OK I get it. I took a couple hours, built a fecking bridge, then got over it. I sat my ass down last night and wrote my revision for the thesis article acceptance to get it off to WA, and continued revising the other work related revise/resubmit. I'm going to get my confidence up and this weekend I'm going to be fecking nose to the grindstone. No HH, no yoga, no happiness in LL's life. It is going to be straight fecking grant writing. I'm going to want to kill myself by Monday but I'm NOT taking an incomplete and I can't fail it otherwise the University will also hand me my ass.

Alright that was well-played, professor. Point and advantage, for the smart colleagues who know me too well and know how to hand my ass to me in ways I don't back down from.

PS, next time I start talking about making myself a better professional or person, someone shoot me in the head. Seriously, I'm not allowed to do this to myself anymore!!!

perfromance of the week

Here she is again, making me get goosebumps and rocking out. This is how I dance to this song too:



AMC performance from Sunday night...

This one sort of reminds me of this legendary performance from two years ago that got me hooked on a little sizzle. This has a little Carrie Underwood undertones to it.

lesbians like bieber

Well I had an extended conversation with my gay husbands a couple weeks ago whilst in DC about how I have this theory about how Justin Bieber (you know that 16 year old canananandian pop star sweeping the globe) has a lesbian haircut. Turns out there is an entire website devoted to Lesbians who look like the Beib. Well hells bells I called that one...and I think that I used to have that hair cut when I was in 2nd grade.

Justin and his sideways combed forward do, is one sexy little internet sensation. Yep, the Beib is a product of the internets where he caught the attention of some major musicians after posting this video 4 years ago. Now he tours the globe and all these little tweens wet their pants when he is around. It is also reported that he has a "swagger coach." Yep that is right, someone who teaches him how to be cool and have a little swagger. I TOTALLY could do that job. Adding to my list....

Then the other day I read this post on one of my favorite blogs, and it turns out I'm not the only one complaining about the Beib's hair. Old ladies are also photo copying pictures of him and sending them to their grandchildren to make sure they know that this is NOT an appropriate haircut. Get your hair cut teenage hooligan!

some balls for my stache

So apparently people were loving on my new carstache for the plastic pinto, that they started looking for a pair of car balls. Well I'm aware of these truck nuts but who knew that they made smaller versions for, well you know, plastic pintos. Yep, I can get a pair of balls for the back and still do some mustache tickling in the front too. That, paired with the tinted windows, means the pinto is one pimped out running machine.....

Then once you too have ordered your carnutz, you can play yourself a little AC/DC about having some big balls.....come on, turn it up....."I GOT BIG BALLS" but "We've got the biggest balls of them all!!!!"



Thanks, JB, you rock my world....between now and Memorial day.

PS, what color carnutz should I get??? something chrome I think :)

PPS, "WE GOT BIG BALLS"

I heart flashmobs

I'm addicted to flashmobs....LOVE IT!!! And now we have some frozen mobs:

Successful Walk

Today was a good day! We are winding down from the Lupus Walk this morning and the amazing Steak BBQ. Here is the best photo ever from all my friends who showed up to walk with us down Penn Ave. Ma, Pa, Betty, Marie, Ann-Marie, and Po were also there!

My team came in 4th place out of like 75 teams with funds raised. It is amazing. We had out tent and as of this morning we raised a total of $11,800 for Lupus research and educational program. That is FREAKIN amazing. I absolutely love it!!!!

THANK YOU for supporting me. Fun times!

music of the moment

I'm slightly addicted to this new song by BOB (seriously, I know, right, the artist's name is BOB, if you forget just spell it backwards and post a picture of a ph/fat squirrel) featuring Haylay Williams from Paramore. Everyone know how I feel about Paramore, a-mazing, and so I had to check this out. Perhaps she'll cover it in 2 weeks when they are in Cville. This song's got a good hip hop feel and I'm totally digging it now:



BOB, seriously I couldn't even make this shit up!

mt. chipotle update

Well I've been meaning to give a Mt. Chipotle update for a couple weeks now because the GIGANTIC mount of snow in Cville's uber-priced shopping center is still melting. I'm afraid I might drive by and the mountain will be gone. Thankfully, it has a thick coating of dirt, grime, and filth to protect it from the sun. We have had 80 degree days in Cville, flowers blooming, and too much sun for me, BUT Mt. Chipotle is still open for business.

Those brilliant "Onion rip off" students are still blogging about the mountain. Currently they are taking melting wagers and creating a pool of bets. I love the status mount reports...heavy machinery: present/absent. Fantastic stuff.

Here is a picture I took on my way by this morning, where there are still signs on it that say "no trespassing" because apparently people are still trying to scale it:

my new pinto accessory

THIS is perfect for the plastic pinto and her tinted windows....it's called a carstache, you know like a pornstache, but for your automobile. Luckily for me it comes in all kind of obxious colors so I'm bound to find one that matches the pinto's burnt grass color. I'm going to have to strategically attach it to the plastic hood, but I think with some good duct tape, we'll be there! I bet when I get the pinto up to about 60 (yeah know before it violently starts shaking) it would still stay on. HOT!!!

quote of the day

"I want to be really careful not to violate some of the principles by which I became sober. I wouldn't say it's a struggle. I'd rather drink battery acid than have a beer right now. But I would say that I picked up tools that helped me with Parkinson's. There's no better lesson in loss of control than to have Parkinson's. Because you learn very quickly what you can control and what you can't control. The only answer is to accept it. I do practice those principles every day: acceptance and gratitude."

- Michael J. Fox

more bad shoes

Well add this to the list of heels I better not see any of my ladies wearing. No way will I remain your friend if you wear these, and I don't care how fierce you think you are. You can't pull these off with any outfit. Nope, just say no. They have some country undertones to them, with the fray and fur, but the heels...oh the heels! They are like chrome vibrator cases (not like I would know), or knobby western bar rails. Ohhh the horror!!!

These shoes are just as bad these horrifying gun heels. No wonder women are beginning to use their shoes as weapons, because they have chrome bases or guns to them. Yikes!

Louis V, I expect more (especially for $2000). Your LV can't even class this piece o' crap up:

ecocouture my ass

No way in hell will anyone wear this halter-top. Seriously, this is couture? Mind you, "eco" couture??? If ecocouture is just simply the fact of taking everyday items and putting them on your body, people from the south have been doing this for years!!! Case and point, this person of wallie world. Ecocouture...ya right!

Here is the tampon inspired halter, what they are calling a "period piece" (PS, worse pun ever):

music of the moment

No wonder no one wants to hang around with me in the mornings, because I always have the oddest music on. It all just depends on my mood, yesterday it was Josh Groban and this morning it was Poison. Thanks to Ms. JB for constantly sending me updated youtube videos to brighten my day....



You see I raise a toast to all of us
Who are breakin' our backs every day
If wantin' the good life is such a crime
Lord, then put me away
Here's to ya

some sense of humor

Well I realized yesterday that I must have some type of wicked sense of humor. Seriously. I got a package at my door yesterday which I thought might have been a flaming bag of poop. Turns out it was a goat bobblehead. One word for that small gift: AWESOME!!!! Who the hell doesn't want a goat bobblehead? (insert my hand raised pointing to my own head).

And while setting up my head bobbling goat, I noticed that it went well with my hulu man (insert "hoca loca he-key com on I wanna lay ya"), hulu woman, bobblehead pirate (insert "arrrrghhhh" winking eye and hook shaped finger), pirate figurines, budda figurines (insert "RUB MY BELLY"), and jelly bean pooping bears. Seriously??? I must have a wicked sense of humor for my family and friends to always randomly send me these types of gifts. I love them all.

Let's see if we can find a common theme here: bodily movements? half naked men? yes and yes. Do we know any other themes of LL's everyday life??? You can leave your creative answers in the comments.....

PS, thanks for the agreeing goat G, me loves it.

an emotional wreck

Well it's official....my team has just surpassed the $10,000 fund raising goal for the Walk for Lupus this coming Saturday. And I'm going to continue to be an emotional wreck until well after the Walk. Seriously, I've been warning my friends that I have been overwhelmed with the response I've had from my team, my family, my friends, my colleagues, and the Lupus foundation. I can't get over how everyone has been overly supportive and giving and everything I can't be for them. I don't even have words for it. I have tears, lots of tears, and feelings of much gratitude.

So THANK YOU, thank you for supporting me and for supporting this important cause. I know we will continue to make essential moves towards new research, treatments and maybe someday a cure. I accepted years ago that this disease will be with me everyday and probably will lead me down roads I never thought I'd be on. But these funds are literally saving my life. The programs I am able to attend and the amount of new research we are able to do is meaningful in my everyday life!!! THANK YOU!!! Thank you so much.

PS, don't bring this up with me in public or I might start crying in front of you and I seriously don't like to do that :)

conan headed to TBS

Well it's officially, Conan O'Brien has secured himself a new job after much talk about going to Fox or other outlets. Coco announced on his twitter account that he is headed over to TBS and some cable late night fun. I'm not sure I like the idea of him following George Lopez, because shouldn't he be first. Gosh, this whole situation has just depressed me. Us tall big bird midwesterns need to stick together....

Team Coco all the way, baby!!!

tina's back on SNL

Tina was back on SNL and doing a little Palin...



I like the leather jacket with the tittay zippers!!!

And make sure you write your talking points on your palm.

dear cville friends

Dear my Cville friends,

When you see me out for a run and try to get my attention, please try to keep your car on the road. I appreciate your honks or waves but the probability that I can actually see who you are is very low, because 1) my eye sight is shit, 2) there is a low level of oxygen getting to my brain, and 3) all my attention is diverted to make sure I don't fall over, trip, or die. Plus I don't want you to get into an accident!

So to the two people tonight who apparently knew me, or perhaps they were just alerting me that one of the girls was falling out, or that I was one sexy bitch covered from head to toe in fabric (long pants, a zip up long sleeve jacket, and a dew rag)...sorry to ignore you! Next time just call, text, email, or flip a bitch to say HI :)

Love,
LL

pre-gardening

Well yesterday I was cruising around our local farmer's market running into friends and ducking away from the sun as much as possible. And I was talked into buying some plants for the upcoming garden. I'm not ready yet to get too serious about planting things, as it is too sunny and I don't have much extra time to devote to digging (B, that is for memorial day!). BUT I bought a flat of strawberry plants. Yep, it was four larger strawberry plants which I was told would produce strawberries for the next two months, then I could plant them and they would regrow next year! Exciting huh?

So of course I ran into some friends who immediately said, "we can make our summer drinks with those!!!" Well there is a good idea. I need to get my basil and cucumbers going just so we can just those too for summer cocktails. Mmmmm basil and cucumber martinis. Yum! At first I might have been concerned that all the things I'm growing in my garden are now going towards salads and booze drinks......then I built a bridge and got over it :)

Bring on the summer drinks!!!

19 yr. old mayor

Well this business only happens in WI....seriously, Rice Lake voted for a 19 year old mayor!!! Yeah, he can't legally drink but he is going to be working hard to redefine the city's laws and tax policy. Oh, and he is planning on doing this while still going to school. Yep, he is a freshman in college, adjusting to dorm life and also fearlessly leading the great city of Rice Lake (it's the midwest OK, every city has a body of water in it's title!). I hope he makes some new law with cheese in the title.....OK that might be a little stereotypical :) I wonder who the first lady is??? His 16 year old high school sweetheart. Lame.

the tiger nike commercials

Wowwowowsa Nike has some balls posting these black n' white commercials this week. This ad has the voice of Tiger's dad, who has passed on, and was taken out of context from another interview. These came out just before Tiger started the Masters this week, and have gardened many parodies throughout the week.

Here is the original....freaky...what exactly is Nike trying to sell? accomplish???? well if it for me to freaked out for hearing Tiger's dead father's voice asking what is thinking was and if he learned anything, right on:



Then all the parodies started popping up:

Tiger Woods Nike Commercial Parody - watch more funny videos

And one of my favorites, the Christian Bale version....."ohhhhh good for you!!!!"



Or you can check out this list which has a good Dark Knight one too!

signs of stress--my everyday life

So I just received my 3rd email in two days from UVA that outlines how I can better recognize stress symptoms in my students as we are approaching finals and the end of the semester. Well, great! I'm sooo happy we are concerned about all the students. Do we have a memo like this that I can receive a copy of 4 billion times a day that helps faculty and staff??? Who the hell is watching out for these types of symptoms in me:

1. Deterioration in physical appearance
2. Lack of personal hygiene
3. Excessive fatigue
4. Visible changes in weight

Sometimes I just don't give two shits about what I look like, #1 above. For example today I look like a gypsy.

And sometimes I just forget to brush my teeth, #2, and often times when I remember it is only with a bottle of Jack.

Yeah, #3 excessive fatigue, you're kidding right? That is like my everyday Lupie life.

And I'm sure there has been plenty of visible changes in weight, #4, after last weekend which was full of fried food and vodka.

And what is so great about this informational stress flyer, is that it states if you are having a stressful emergency to dial 911. Phhhh, thank god I got that reminder. I had TOTALLY forgot about that :)

music of the moment

OMG do you remember this song??? It just came through my mix and reminded me fiercely of Lincoln, NE and my HS spring breaks with McBetty in her little red prism (still smells like farts). Ahhh a good jam:

I can stand naked where ever I want to

Well god damnit what type of world do we live in where we can't stand naked in our own house or yard? Thanks to Jilly Bean and A for sending along this article in my neighborly newspaper about a local guy who likes to be naked. Well who doesn't like to be naked?? Seriously. I live in nakeville, population 1, LL.

Well anyways this Fairfax man was walking around his own house naked when some lady and her son walked by and flipped him the bird. I mean, he was in his own house, but at least he can cover up the goodies. All you need is a good loin cloth or something.

And my Jilly bean let me know that:

• "It's just a matter of time before I get busted too, I already am out in the backyard yelling at the damn dog in my bathrobe with nothing underneath...One of these days I'm bound to forget it...Alzheimer's is contagious you know.."

Amen sista. That sub-heimers (you know, not "all" the time) is a bitch. I hear you. When I'm up in DC, I have to remember to cover myself up and at least walk around in my fundies (you know, fun undies) and sports bra so that I don't TOTALLY piss McBetty off. I think I piss her off in many other ways besides becoming a naked burrito on her floor.

fun weekend o' DC

So I've already blogged about my first night in DC last weekend with my amazing friends/gay husbands. This was a epic weekend of goodness, renewing friendships and making new friends, which closely rivals that amazing weekend in Austin last fall. Perhaps it was the random singing of the "I'm on a boat" song with my flippy floppies that made me think of TX.....

This weekend had enough drinking it was as if we were punishing my liver. Bad liver, bad. It was one of those times where we didn't have any real plans, but ended up playing everything by ear and walking around the city. We would be walking and then see a patio, some vodka, and just have to stop to laugh our balls off. Case and point, here's an icey cold frosty one for you:



After that Friday night chili bowl, which I heard led to massive amounts of explosive number twos early that morning, we ended up at Arlington Cemetery. I've walked through here many times but nothing like the experience with all the Cherry Blossoms. We saw Teddy Kennedy's gravestone and changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown. It was so pretty out, you know besides the great big ball of death in the sky, and so we had to experience it all.

PS, momma B thinks this photo could be entered in the county fair!

On Sunday we were walking around the tidal basin enjoying all the humanity and pretty trees, when we got stuck in traffic. We were watching some helicopters around the white house and whilst walking we got stopped by some bossy po po on horses telling everyone to "BACK UP ONE STEP" from the curb. Turns out the big BO (Obama, baby) drove right by us on his way back from Easter morning church. Well HOT DAMN, we were a good 10 feet from the sezy BO, which in my mind is close enough to brag that I got a good reach around. I immediately started texting all my friends, and apparently I'm predictable as shit, because everyone responded asking "did you give him a reach around?" Why, yes, yes I did! Soooo, here is his fancy car which was preceded by motorcycles and followed by cars with guns. Hottttt!!! Just as a FYI, that was the way I traveled back to Cville too....guns and dikes on bikes.



Later on Sunday, we did an activity which I had been waiting a lifetime for and is on my bucket list of things to do before I die (that, a tattoo and skydiving). Yep, that is right all you LL Spot readers, we rented some SEGWAYS!!!! Bitchin, I know. My goal was to get them some-bitches up to a wicked 2 MPH and pop a wheely. Turns out I was a little scared of the two-wheel machine of death. Well you can't really control it, instead you just have to lean forward or backwards to move. Sort of freaked me out. And, like an idiot, I wore flippy floppies which meant I couldn't control the damn Segway as nicely. I ended up spitting one of my toe's webbing (ya know, like it rips right at the base of the bottom of your toe). Sweet. Feels really good. But here we are in front of the WH (PS, J, you look like a nerd with your thumbs up!):



BUT besides the point, we were segway heros. We zoomed around the district and all the monuments. We made friends, we screwed around, and we laughed our balls off. Seriously, good times. For example, we stopped in front of the Washington Monument and got a couple good photo opts. In this picture, my big fat ass is holding up the penis shaped national monument. It was hard work, but someone needs to make sure it stays erect :)



Also here is a couple of highlights of the things I learned last weekend:

• I need to be dating someone with some massive "sausage fingers." Who knew that sausage fingers were the new feature to look for in a partner. OK I'm on it...
• Massive amounts of fried food for 3 days straight makes my body reject me and I shit for about 4 days afterwards. Seriously, I've never had so much onion rings and cheese topped french fries in my life.
  
• You can order booze at all hours of the day...11 PM at Thai restaurants and 9 AM at organic farmers breakfast restaurants.
• My gay husbands don't look or act "gay" enough because Melanie and I were mistaken for their wives. I got J because he is tall and we always end up sitting next to each other.
• People with iPhones are addicted to their damn phones and would rather make out with them than with me.
  
• Being able to instantaneously update your facebook status at all hours of the day doesn't make you cool. Sorry K....you really should just marry that device and get a room.
• Despite my best efforts I couldn't convince J and K to get married in the district, since it is now officially legal. I TOTALLY would have been a witness.
  
• I put on my beard and patronaged a number of gay bars. I forgot how the entertainment at these types of bars are typically Broadway show tunes, so I had a good time singing to the Sound of Music whilst drinking more vodka.

THANKS for an amazingly fun weekend!!! Truly, I miss you all and love you very much. xoxoxox

pranks at the masters

Well this shit is Fu-nnnny!!! As you better know, unless you have been living in a big deep dark hole, Tiger Wood has about 40,000 mistresses (minus me) that he has been doing something dirty with over the last 10 years. Turns out he is sort of a douche ball! Who knew.

Well after a very public coming out, a trip to a sex addict rehabilitation center, and some reconciliation with his wife, Tiger announced he was playing in the Masters this weekend. He had a very public press conference on Monday and officially started practicing this week. Mistress #1 is also stripping at a club just outside of hot-lanta making a parallel performance :)

Sooo news came out today that someone with a wicked sense of humor bought some aerial signs targeting Tiger to fly over the golf course in GA. Well that is freaking brilliant. The two signs said "Tiger: did you mean bootyism?" and "Sex addict. Yeah right. Me too." HAHAHAHA. That is great.

Why the hell didn't I think of that??? Hilarious.

worse stereotypical babydoll

This is horrifying to me on a number of accounts. I can't believe how many times they say wee wee in this commercial:

spring is here and george is back

YESSSsssss spring has officially sprung and I've had my first sighting of George my groundhog/gopher/beaver neighbor. There I was, sitting out on my patio reading my mail, and there went my little George(y) waddling along by the parking lot. He was looking all sexy and hairy and fat and old.

Boy, it is officially the summer. I'm thinking about planting my garden, there are spring showers, and my pet beaver is back and making appearances around my place. YEAH!!! And here's hoping the sun stays behind clouds so that I don't have to be as much of a hermit (yeah right, like that is going to work).

Why am I soooo excited for a George(y) sighting???

palin psa

The new bristol palin psa:

news of the day

• The Scrabble makers have changed some of the rules (you know the ones I was really good at following already) to include proper nouns. Well before my next scrabble game, I'll have to first learn what the hell a proper noun is. I have a cheat sheet one of my undergraduates gave me that is a list of the most common propositions for editing our online database. Well damnit all, I wasn't an English major!
• JK Rowling casually announced yesterday while reading books at the White House Easter Egg roll that will most likely have another Harry Potter book out soon. WTF?!?! Like one of those short story spin-off (apparently both Rowling and Meyers are milking the short story teet) or another major HP book???? I hope it is the latter but I highly doubt it.
• This chick is making the internets rounds for being alittle delusionally high after getting her wisdom teeth out. I can sort of relate to this because apparently I was the same way after my wisdom teeth surgery, talking smack about spiders and trying to get out of bed. I just kept pointing and saying I could see spiders. Ahhhh good, high times.
  
• I officially (I think) had my second article from my thesis at WSU accepted for publication yesterday. Turns out I didn't have to offer my body and other non-professional favors in order for the journal to want my work. Phhhh, I totally would have done it! This weekend I may have to take a moment to celebrate.
  
• The major of LA is trying to shut down the city for two days sometime in the month of April to save a little money. Unlike the Gov. of MI and her continued stupidity, this is some what of a more reasonable solution to the economic situation. Mind you, I'm saying it is a good solution, just better than some other states.
• Brett Favre just became a grandpa. Seriously? I'm speechless....stuck between comments about how fabulously old he is and weirdness.
• I had an rougher day today (I sent a couple emails with the f-bomb in them) and my class was kicking my ass (can't take weekends off with all this extra non-work-related work). But I had 90 minutes of blissful yoga tonight with my favorite friends. Good way to end the day...
  

worse tattoo ever

This has got to be the worse tattoo EVER!!! I can say, without hesitation, that I will NOT be getting this tattoo.....

That has to be a man's ass, no way any female would do that. Yikes!!!

I'll make sure this is not on my short list for future tats, this and the chinese "slut" symbol which I think means integrity.

a tip of my hat

Well the March Madness tourney is over (I hate you dook) and I have to give a big tip of my hat to momma B and terri. Momma B took my bracket pool, and Terri took Betty's pool as top and bottom. HOLY BALLS!!!! Who taught these ladies how to follow basketball??? That is just amazing.

Momma B is coming into town in two weeks and I'm going to have to pay her for her general basketball know-how-ness. So ladies, who are amazing red hat-er (not haters), a tip of my hat to you. Now let's continue working on the whole clapping on beat to the fight song...OK only kidding, you're really good at that too!

What a crazy tourney though!

PS, send me your payments bitches! This ain't no free ride.....well unless you buy me booze. Then let's work out a deal....

the MSU lord's prayer

Our Father, who art in East Lansing , Basketball be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, tourney games won, on Earth as it is in Indy.
Give us this day, wisdom for Korie, healing for Delvon and Chris, and a quarter from the tooth fairy for Raymar.
And lead us not into being cocky, but deliver us from the Panthers.
For thine is Spartan, the power, and Prepare for Glory.
Amen.

well this isn't for humanity

So Taylor Swift, who is an overall amazing person, challenged some of her fans to do something for humanity in order to get a little lovin. People all around the world started helping old ladies cross the street. I wanted the second challenge to be something for more of humanity. I mean, let's work together to come up with something creative that is fun and benefits others.

To my disappointment she just made her second challenge and it sucks. Do something creative with the number 13???? Really? That is it. What about do something creative with the number 13 that helps others??? We need to push these people alittle more to do things in their community.

Anyways now we have to wait for the "creative" thing people do with 13 now.....

LL and some MN-sotens head to the hill

Sooo it has been an eventful couple days here in the big VA! Thursday night I was driving across town for my normal workout with T, only to notice that the plastic pinto's check engine light came out. I was being an amazing investigator by popping my hood (hahahah) and sniffing around, only to realize that I locked my cars in my now closed car. Good work LL, nice.

So T and I took our bucket of wine and hiked all the way to slave owning TJ's Monticello home and back. Then she drove my sexy ass back across town to get my spare car key. Thank GOD that I had recently farmed out my apartment keys so every joe smoe in the Ville can break into my place (it's not like I remember to lock the doors--case and point lunch last week). I decided to give D and T a car key as well....might as well cover my bases.

At this point, I was so damn hungry I could have ate my own arm, so we ordered chinese and relaxed some. Much later I realized I still needed to pack and figure out how the hell I was going to get up to DC. I mentally decided to still drive the plastic pinto and pray for a miracle that it wouldn't die half way to DC. I woke up at 3 AM and decided to book a morning train ticket instead. Sooo I took the train up in time to have lunch with Betty on the hill and run back over to the capital.

Keith and Jon, my gay husband's from Minnesota, are in town for the weekend. You know, them and every other American, are here for the cherry blossom festival and Easter weekend. They toured the WH yesterday morning and then had a Capital tour scheduled for the afternoon, which was my goal to invade. We met up in some South Dakota senator's office (where I kept saying that SD doesn't even have a corn palace only to realize that it is ND that doesn't have anything cool) and had some amazing odd tour guide take us through the new billion dollar controversial vistor's center, capital, and hour session floor. It was pretty cool actually because we didn't have to wait in any lines AND we didn't have to hear all the stories and bullshit that goes with the real tour (I heard one red coat guide excitedly say "And that is when WWII started!!" and I almost throw up a little in my mouth). I was very glad to be able to do it, and could cross that off my DC "to do" list!

Here is me on the senate train underground that goes from the capital to the senate offices (Keith, Jon, and I were taking every opportunity to be obnoxious by waving our hands in the air like we were on a roller coaster):



Next we met up with another SD-acian friend of Keiths at an amazing local pub/bar/restaurant called Busboys and Poets. OMG I loved this place. It was like a chilled, all natural, bookstore slash restaurant with a bar of coffee and booze. This is a place to see and be seen. If I lived here I would definitely spend time working here, sitting on comfy couches, using free wireless, and watching all the hot black men wandering around reading books and working on their Macbook Airs. HOT!!!

Afterwards we walked the U-corridor because it was a beautifully warm night. We hit up DC's legendary fried chili restaurant, Ben's. And we kept walking to find a popular gay sports bar. I forgot out wonderful it is to people watch in gay bars. They had happy hour specials which we definitely partook in. It was like being back in MN at the Eagle with 3 or 1's. There is a good possibility that we will back at this sports bar for the "drag bunch" where I can get HH bloody marys served to me by some drag queens (simple math, this=heaven).

Plus you have to love a pub that has this sign for their restrooms:



And here is Keith (who was dressed like an omelet) and I (who wore yoga pants and a wife beater with a green bra to the US Capital and to the bar) reenacting many of our amazing life experiences whilst holding down some bar stoles surrounded by buckets of Leine's (or insert ML).

hoppy easter from the muppets

Here is the latest Muppet video of greatness....Hoppy Easter!!!



Although this video is alittle more dark and disturbing then the legendary queen one.

picture of the day

Well this is slightly ironic, right? A Tiger Wood's made out of condoms:

Who the hell spends time making this???

a march fable

Rockin this MSU style:

After he created March, on the seventh day, God said,"Let there be Izzo." And so it was, and he was good, and he won. God started to worry that Izzo might be too good. So God stated, "Let Izzo's players leave early for the NBA draft." He was still good, and he won. God was once again concerned, how could this be? God said, "let Billy Donavan slither into Michigan and steal 2 top level recruits, thus causing Izzo to have to coach with no true point guard for 3 years. Make it so!" Izzo was still good, and he won. God was angry. God decided to end this once and for all. God crafted three lightning bolts and hurled them at the knee of Delvon Roe, the arch of Chris Allen, and the achilles of Kalin Lucas, ending the season of Izzo's top player. Izzo smiled, winked at Durell Summers and Korie Luscious, and he was still good, and he won. God took a step back, perplexed. How could this be? He had done everything he could think of to smite Izzo, yet Izzo smiled? Izzo winked? Izzo had a sparkle in his eye as if teaching his players how to work through adversity was his favorite part of coaching. Was he enjoying this adversity? Izzo appeared to be having fun? God decided Izzo's demi-god status was well earned. God put on his Spartan t-shirt and figured, screw it, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. God's thinking about changing the trajectory of a three pointer in the Tennesee game to send MSU to the Final Four once again. He's only "thinking" about it.

The morale of the story. If you come play for Izzo you will play in the Elite 8 approximately 50% of the time. You will play in the Final Four in your career. You will not be coddled. You will be forced to work for what you get. If you make Izzo proud, you will be praised. If you make a mistake, there will be consequences. It will not be easy, but it will be incredibly rewarding. If you stay for 4 years, you will become a man. If you follow Izzo, you will be good, and you will win.