preparing for Vday

Well Single's Awareness Day is fast approaching, and some of my favorite old people are already sending you greetings. This will serve as your reminder and I suggest that you start preparing for how you will spend this corporately promoted, made-up Hallmark holiday. For example, I will be spending it in a bottle of red wine. But for many of you it might be important for chocolates and flowers. Well thank god the people of Walmart know what we all need and have conveniently placed these ideas in one end aisle:

If you have to end your night with what's on the bottom shelf, your Valentine's Day probably didn't go as well as anticipated. I mean you should start at the top and work your way down...

Happy f-ing Single's Awareness Day. Boooo.