yum, is that a pork product of some kind?

Can you name the movie line????
"Hmmm, I definitely smell a pork product of some kind."
Gold stars for the person you can name it.

Betty forwarded on a new invention called Wake n' Bacon. Let me do the infomercial for you.....Tired of annoying alarms? Need to get motivated in the morning by another force? Then try to wakey wakey bacey alert clock! You can wake to the smell of bacon cooking from your clock. And then the smell of bacon can sneak into your sheets and bedding and clothing. You could be like a walking slice '0 bacon, who doesn't want this?????

Why don't you just try getting your sorry ass out of bed out of sheer willpower....yummmm bacon!

Billary is hot and bothered

So Hillary is in the Congo sweating her balls wearing her normal pantsuits, and encountered a mistranslated question from a student, which she over reacted to. She made it clear to everyone that SHE is the sec. of state and not Bill!!! Yikes!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

It is possible that the traveling and hot weather is getting to her!!! Perhaps someone should put her in a dress or skirt to help cool her down. If that happens though we will have to see her Cankles, and remember apparently the world is trying to eliminate legs that go straight into ankles.

you need a job

OK these guys seriously need a job....who the hell goes around in wrastling gear catching laptops in their butt cheeks???? The economy is worse than I thought!



Those are some strong butt cheeks. Seriously, I wonder what else these guys to grab, catch, or stop with their ass??? I'll need to ponder this for awhile longer....

more on the townhall

G forwarded on this article to me about the townhall meeting we went to on Tuesday night. Apparently the meeting went past 11 pm (yep folks that is 5 hours), and there was not 300 people there (like I was estimating) but closer to 1300. I've never been known for my off the cuff measurement ability! So that is a good turn out, but thank god I left after the first hour and a half. I enjoyed my time watching all the different people....as I told one of the old ladies last night, it was like people watching at a county fair!!! Ahhh good times.

no blood but lots of people

national healthcare

So I've been meaning to post some thoughts about national healthcare lately, but haven't had the time to articulate anything meaningful (this not having internet thing is sort of inhibiting for blogging). BUT I am going to a townhall meeting tonight for my local representative. I'm going to hear what the man has to say about BO's health policies, and to hopefully see some people fighting.

Now that the house is on recess all the representatives have been in alot of drama lately...you would have to be living in a hole not to know this! Up to 250 people are attending these meeting and protesting with signs and their voices. I want to see some people yelling and maybe some blood. More on this later....

my new crush

Eric Bana has been making the rounds lately promoting his new movie, the Time Traveler's Wife. I forgot how damn zexy that man is and how he reminds me of my Mr. Owen or Mr. Butler. The guy is smart and well spoken and funny. He was cracking everyone up on Conan and Fallon. Love him!

a good hiding place

Sooo I read this greooossss article today about an Obese, 500 pound man who was being processed into a Texas jail. He was able to get a 9mm gun into the jail because he hid it in his flabs of fat!!!! The guy was searched multiple times before he was admitted and no security gaurd successfully found the weapon. The inmate admit to it while in the shower.....(bad images, bad, bad).

That is just greeossss. That story will continue to horrify me for the rest of the day.

the little blue pill ice cream

So a London ice cream shoppe has announced a new "cocktail" / flavor of ice cream for all those fabulous brits I love. It is packed with libido-boosting ingredients and is tagged as the little blue pill of ice cream. Boy, this is a new one....

I wonder who will be lining up for this, college students or dirty old men? Or both? I hope it is open late after the bars close because that is probably their target audience. Let's try to keep this away from the kiddies!!! Stick to chocolate or strawberry for all those under 18 (do you really think you have to show an ID to buy this ice cream? I mean it is London after all).

replacements for Paula

One of my favorite bloggers came up with some replacements for Paula on AI, and I had to pass them along:

An Old-Time Coke Dispenser. Why beat around the bush any longer, Idol producers? Just put a fing Coke dispenser in her chair.

A Punching Bag For Simon. He’ll need something to beat on.

A Sign That Just Says “Yes”. Slightly cheaper… but gets to the point much faster.

tell me lies

Three American Idol (AI) vets performed together on ABC morning show this week, and I have to admit it was pretty damn good:

music of the moment

I've been trying to figure out who was singing this song that gets in my head and doesn't leave for days....and before I know it I'd be dancing in public and shaking my hips at home....you know me and my Caribbean infused music. I'm starting to dig Michael Franti and Spearhead who are on tour with the Counting Crows this summer.

more funnies

Jimmy Fallon has been making some funnies lately...and here is another:

put your shirt on Putin

Russian Prime Minister, Putin, has been taking camera crews on his hunting trips and vacations to get a couple pictures of him shirtless. Last week they caught him doing the butterfly through some lake on a hunting trip. Is his Russian physique suppose to scare me?? What is more scarey is the fact he is fishing and carrying a high-powered gun shirtless!

Perhaps we should get Putin into some wrastling matches! Jello? I bet he could bodyslam the shit out of some WWE or MMF or POS (piece o' shit, or whatever the hell the acronym is) athletes.

Well ABC news attempts to explain the situation to us:

Elvis Week 2009

So tomorrow is the official start to Elvis Week 2009. There are 9 full days of Elvis related activities, including: Elvis Bingo (I wonder how you have to yell out Bingo), Ultimate Elvis Tribute Artist Contest, the opening of the "Elvis Lives" exhibit (aren't we beyond this whole, he is still living thing?), and finally my favorite Elvis Spirit Runners (does this mean that they dress up like the King and run a marathon---you know how excited I get at races PLUS if they are dressed up fun, I may just wet my pants).

Can you imagine the amount of people dressed up like Elvis around Memphis in the coming weeks? I'm going to start practicing my Elvis lip just for the hells of it, and adding alittle New York "How you doinnng?" Creeepy! Ohhh and I think I'll start practicing my gyrating my hips/knees too (because I need to find more reasons to say gyrating).

reasons to miss Paula on AI

So I used to watch American Idol occasionally back in the day, but the last season I fall off the bandwagon. In this last season they brought on a new female judge who apparently shook things up a little. Well now, before the next season starts---what are we on like 10 or something?---it was announced that the new female judge will be staying and good old crazy Paula Abdul is leaving. Well damnit all, now I'm really not going to go back to watching....she was all the fun! Any one remember the Paula AI drinking game?

If I watched the show still these are the things I would miss:

• Her hitting Simon or basically contridicting everyhing he says.
  
• Her random bouts of crying.
  
• Wondering if she is high or drunk that night.
  
• That the contestants without talent will just be rejected.
• Her filling empty air time with drug-induced rambling which is only 50/50 coherent.

I bet she will be on another reality show within the year!

PS, I don't think I've turned on my TV in 2 weeks....anyone proud? Do DVDs count?

twitter goes down

So you may have heard today that Twitter, the popular 140 character (or is it 180?) texting via a website social networking piece o' shit, went down today. Yep the entire site was hacked and was offline for a number of hours this morning. The Tweeters were all bent out of shape about this...because you know they might have had to pick up a phone or put their hands on an actual keyboard in order to communicate with people in the world. This must have been a big inconvenience to use all their fingers instead of just their thumbs, or to have to hold a phone to their ear. Yikes!!! That must have been a tough 2-3 hours.....I just can't imagine.

Meanwhile the rest of us were able to make it through our days....it was tough, but somehow I was able to do it :)

john c. reilly's new movie

Interesting:

amen, keep your DC

I completely agree:

forget the super soakers

Go for what the US government uses for a little summer fun:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

fart-gate

Holy balls who knew that Tiger having a little gas would turn into national news this week.....Some are now calling it "fart-gate" and every newspaper outlet in the country has picked up the coverage. So you know what that means!!!! The dumbest news headline titles: Did Tiger Woods break par ... and break wind? OR Frenzy over Woods' Wind OR Does a Tiger fart in the Woods?
Crap I could just keep looking up these titles all day!!! Makes me laugh.

Let's see how long fart-gate lasts! This is a great sports scandal, forget dog killing!

Lupus is....

A new campaign has been launched recently to raise awareness about Lupus and to educate the community about autoimmune diseases. Here are some of their campaign posters, which made me laugh!!!! Really Lupus is....unpredictable (because I have to stay in bed too much), inhibiting (because I can't go to the beach like normal people), frustrating (because I can't make it up a flight of steps and I make my friends take the elevator with me), and invisible (because no one would really know that's why I don't go to sporting events anymore, which used to be my entire life). Christ almighty they nailed that one on the head. I was just laughing and laughing about how appropriate these were.



I think we should start another campaign, which is a little more LL friendly. Fill in the blank in the comments section and please make me laugh......

Lupus is ___________:

• supporting the indoor board games industry.
• single-handedly financing the development of good sunscreen.
• promoting gangsta tinted windows for your pimp-mobiles.
  

chilaxing baby

So I've been working on chilaxing a little lately. I've got in some extra yoga classes, some swimming, and last night I slept a total of about 11 hours (with no nightmares so far this week!) This morning I got up and went for coffee before work. It totally chilled me out and I don't have 3 students everyday in my office so I have the bubble to think around my head (which has noticeably been absent this last month). And when I take a deep breath it doesn't hurt my chest or become jagged. Here's hoping I can hang on to this chilaxing baby!

a halloween wig for you

So the Halloween costumes are already starting to hit the stores and I'm predicting this year's big seller......Last year it was the Joker and this year women, particularly mothers, will be buying the Eight Is Too Much Wig. This is a great hair peice that takes the classic Kate Gosselin asymtrical spiked haircut to an extreme!!!! I would so wear it and strap like 8 children to myself. Being really bitchy and mean would probably come pretty easily too!!! I'd probably dress it up with a little booze too....always makes it better.

not sure this sign is working right

I'm not entirely sure that this sign is doing what the makers were hoping. I know this is suppose to look poorly on BO, but the marketing is all wrong.

Case and point, the Joker was everyone's favorite Batman character. The last Batman movie made over a quarter of a million dollars. And seriously the Joker gets things done!!! He will beat everyone and still end up on top. And you have to admit he was pretty bad ass in the last movie. I would take the Joker over the Power Rangers or some other villian.

So again, not sure this is sending the right message, oh wait good thing they put their point in writing at the bottom....

elizabeth is all grown up

So since I'm apparently on a baby blogging roll tonight, I thought I could give a Elizabeth update. My good friends Sammy Sam and Joshua got all preggers a couple years ago while I was still living in the armpit of the US (that is Pullman for those of you who don't know), and had a lovely little girl who is blogged about here. Here is me with her when she was all really young and cute:



And now she is growing and growing, and looking more and more like Josh (still cute though). Check her out in her new bed:



Hoping for a short visit in a month, if only to see/make fun of how big Sam is now with #2 on the way!!!!! XOXOXXO

remember this moment?

Speaking of my Bri-dawg.....I remember this exact moment, good times:



I remember it being -40 outside (I'm not sure how I ever lived in the frozen tundra) and walking down the street to get a couple shots of tequila to warm us up!

introducing Cooper, my little pooper

So I've been very very neglectful in my blogging lately as there has been so many things happening that I haven't commented on. One big one is my good friend, Bri and Rhino, had a baby. His name is Cooper, and he is officially my little pooper. Although I haven't yet met this little pooper, I'm tentatively planning a trip to Alaska to visit (and to shoot a moose) before the end of next year. Here is my the pooper, CONGRATS B & R:

news of the last couple days....

1. The plastic pinto got some new back brakes today, thus passing the VA state inspection. You zexy braking machine!!!
2. D makes the BEST homemade sushi, which I enjoyed the tuna, scallops, smoked salmon and shrimp tempura on Saturday night. Yum!
3. I've resolved to leave clues from Dirty Minds on all my friends cars. "It's long, it's hard...." Since someone thoughts I was already doing this to them!
4. I highlighted my hair this weekend with a purple/red dye. Success = no one being able to notice right away but getting a little color caught in the sun. I rubbered gloved the shit out of that hair dye.
   
5. I successfully changed the 48 inch fluorescent lights in my kitchen this weekend without shattering the tube or electrocuting myself. Points for me! This is a particularly important development since I've been lobbing off pieces of my fingers with knives and getting stung by bees in my eyeballs lately.
6. Ginny, my friend from Miami, has successfully made it to Cville, and I was able to show her a good time this weekend (i.e., taking her to the dollar store and wallie wall to stock up on things for her new apartment).
   
7. I lost my wallet this morning.....but found it after 1 hour of shear anxiety.
8. I officially bought my ticket to Austin, TX for late October!!! On the agenda: two-stepping, cowboys, booze, and sharing a 1-room bed and breakfast with two girlfriends. Ohhhh boy, look out Texasssss we're coming! (pray for cloudy weather please).
   
9. I got a letter from my cousin Everett, who is going through basic training for the US Army in Missouri (I'll show you mine if you show me yours). He is alive and loving all the push-ups he has to do everyday. Note to family and friends, please write him because it really means alot to him.
10. I counted over 35 green tomatos on my 6 foot tomato plants this weekend while tending my garden o' goodness. I had about 5 cucumbers I picked last week as well, and still one more on the vine. Those green tomatos are all going to change at one time!!!!
    
11. I did the splits tonight in yoga.....all my man friends go ahead and cross your legs, but it felt sooooo good :)
12. T minus about 1 month until UMN football in Minnie. Hells yes baby!
    

sometimes you just have gas

Everyone needs to get off Tiger's back....sometimes you just need to fart: