my next wedding invite

I've got my next 5 weddings already planned out. We are going to stretch them to locations worldwide including a beach and a roller skating rink. Hot times for the big LL.

Anyways, I just ran across the next invitation you'll get from me so that I can truly assess your excitability for joining me in another ceromony:

You can't check "all the above"

I sometimes wish my friends and their insufferable spouses-to-be were considerate enough to give  options this thorough. In fact, most of them could go ahead and delete the first two, and maybe even add a couple of others like, "depends on the food," "as long as there's an open bar," and "thanks but I'd rather jump off of a highway overpass into oncoming traffic."

I need these pants

I really need these pants. I eat EVERYWHERE but a table....the bathroom, my bed, the floor, while driving. It is hot times when you're around the big LL in the arena of food consumption.

Luckily I've now found some capri pants that support my eating lifestyle. These winged pants make for great picnic attire. When sitting they spread out into a make-shift table so that you don't get potato on you, or spill your tacos. And you have to admit they are fashionable:




I also think I could become a flying squirrel if I could also web my arms. I could totally do it!

I found a toddler better than you

I think this toddler is the new Forrest Gump of ping pong. He is much better than you and only marginally better than me when I have a pint of beer to balance me in my other hand. I really miss playing ping pong and maybe I need to join a gym where I can play this....then when I have children they can do this:



Last time you sat on a ping pong table it broke and you bruised your tailbone and you had to sit on one of those embarrassing donut pillows for weeks. Remember that, fatass?

Oh wait maybe I'm thinking about sex on pool tables....

the best posed photo ever

Wow. Just wow. I'm in a current state of a-mazed-ness. Let me explain....

For years I have had a small, minor, yet continuous obsession with posing on, against, and with phallic-like statues, monuments, and erect things. Me and my fun friends have done it with my butt, with my hands and a butt, with two fingers, and with two hands....wait what are we talking about?!?! I lost my train of thought...

Ohhh right, so posing with things has moved to a new epic level upon the discovery of this slightly pornographic photo that pushes me to get more creative in my picture taking abilities:

Wowsa. I'm glad that this photo also captured the girl on the right, doing the tired, old "Holding Up The Leaning Tower Of Pisa" pose. Been there, done that and apparently I need to step up my game. I expect that she felt instantly ashamed of being such a tourist cliche, especially next to these Jersey Shore-like guy's amount of creativity.

I wonder if this will launch a hot new trend in vacation snaps, "I got penetrated by Pisa!" It could totally happen.

A tip of my hat gentlemen. Nice work.

building pinball

I'd like to play this in person:

secondary smrt protesters

I respect protesters. They have a cause and they are not afraid to yell it, to sign it, and to stand around promoting it. Despite they're obvious commitment, I mayyyy have a little more comedic respect for those secondary protesters. These are the people who stand next to the initial protester to blatantly mock their cause.

Case and point #1:

What doesn't kill you only makes your wrists stronger.

Case and point #2:

And on the gay note, here is one more added bonus for alittle extra giggle:



And a big round of applause. Nice work you creative secondary protesters. Way to hang around and adapt a secondary cause off of someone else's protesting efforts. I imagine this happens without the protester even knowing what is happening. They are just standing there being all opinionated not knowing others are actually making fun of them.

I like it.

I'm gonna diagram the shit out of you

So Nik and I recently had a major laughing fest whilst deciding to start diagraming the shit out of our everyday lives. This new goal was inspired by this picture:



I don't know who this Chris person is but he sounds like someone I would like to hang out with. What, you like to drink? What, you like balconies? What, your friends leave passive aggressive fun notes for you? Let's be friends.

Fun like this is the sole reason I purchased a million dollar half cork, half chalk board for our kitchen. So I can draw dirrrty things and then use an arrow to point to the equally dirty post-it note pinned up on the left. Ahhh good times.

So here is what I came up with for the bathroom:

1. Are you LL? No, then feel free to use the toilet.
   
2. Yes, have you pooped in the last day? Yes, proceed with caution.
3. No, is there a plunger available? Yes, proceed with caution and consider a two-flusher with a mid-poop pinch off.
4. No, go to the crazy neighbors.

Yep, I think this works. I'm posting it in the bathroom for future reference. Excellent.

Now I need you all to come up with more decision making trees for me....

sooo pretty

Well this makes me miss nights on the farm in MN, and my time last summer in Alaska. Soooo pretty:

pop up is back

Let's all travel back to the 1990s and have a moment or two nostalgia for VH1's Pop Up video (insert pop). You know, back when MTV played music instead of promoting teen preggers, and VH1 didn't have herpes from Rock of Love and the syp from Flavor Flav. Ahhh those were the good old days.

Well hang on to your butts because VH1 is bring back Pop Up video (insert pop). You can make your own pop up video on their website, but be warned you have go through all these systems shit to be on facebook and link off their website to share. The show (insert pop) returned at the beginning of October, and if that isn't a reason to get cable I don't know what is. Ready, sync your DVRs....

To satisfy you for now, you can enjoy the Britney reboot:

Get More: Britney Spears, Pop Up Video, Pop Up Video: Britney Spears, 'Till The World Ends', Free Music Videos

POP!